| Apr 21 @ 6:57 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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10zie
Posts: 174
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Anyone who has been in a relationship where both parties are building careers has run into this relationship stump at one point or another. Whether it's due to extended hours, travel schedules, relocation, or other circumstances, there often comes a point where it's not humanly possible to manage both without sacrificing and jeopardizing the relationship, and someone's got to give...but who?
As a couple, whose career should take the back seat if circumstances prevent maintaining both? What primary elements dictate your position...money, children degree of importance?
Since there may be wide opposition on this subject, please use decorum in your debate. It's much appreciated.
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| Apr 21 @ 7:01 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 1,551
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It's all about the dollar bill.
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| Apr 21 @ 7:05 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Who will stay home with kids (awhile?)
Obviously if careers are of utmost importance, one isn't ready for kids yet
Who has the better chance for advancement....does one have more chance of a layoff or job loss?
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| Apr 21 @ 7:38 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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jamminjerry
Posts: 4,085
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as with most topics posted here there seems to be the usual vagueness. what is the one thing at this time that is challanging the dual career thing? we can go from there. we be jammin 
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| Apr 21 @ 7:46 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,615
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The way things are going, it's not an issue...whoever can get work, works. 
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| Apr 21 @ 7:59 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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10zie
Posts: 174
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Brass Wolf,
What if one is a life saving heart specialist and one a plastic surgeon? Say that the plastic surgeon has a higher income? Should it still be about the coin?
Lorili,
All great points to consider! Personally, I don't believe it matters who stays home with the kids, unless they would thrive more with one over the other parent. It all depends on the individuals.
Jammin,
This is vague so the possible scenarios can be examined. There is no "real" situation to resolve with the suggestions.
It's a discussion that came up over lunch with a friend who is getting married. She and her fiance are both beginning careers that will bring about similar incomes and this is a concern she knows could become an issue in the future...so we were just examining different perspectives. It was a very thought provoking conversation and something that people should examine before forging into a partnership.
In other words, I'm just making conversation and thought it was a good topic to examine all around.
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| Apr 21 @ 10:04 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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jamminjerry
Posts: 4,085
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| Apr 21 @ 10:52 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,909
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I agree with Heaven...its really not an issue.
Providing time for the family while they are working to provide food and housing for that family are the people with the most important career.
Its humanly possible for both people in a relationship to accomplish that and if it isnt,there is more to worry about in that relationship than career building.
Nobodies career takes a back seat when love is involved.
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| Apr 21 @ 10:58 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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I say let the man have the career and I'll stay home with the kids! 
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| Apr 21 @ 11:09 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,909
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 Yep...mom sure made a great career out of that job of raising six of em.
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| Apr 22 @ 12:46 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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10zie
Posts: 174
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Jammin,
I should have said that to begin with. It hasn't escaped my notice that most subjects asking for opinions are seeking guidance with personal situations. I just neglected to clarify. I understand what you were getting at completely. 
Angel, Heaven and Jankia,
I would take a leave from my career to raise children too, unless my career offered better stability for my family at that time than "his" did and "he" agreed with that decision and could take a less demanding position or be the care provider. If his career took him too far away, afforded him no time with family and came with less benefits, then I might have a problem with him being the one to follow his chosen path at the expense of our family and relationship. Especially if it were apparent that my career was healthier for the family.
I think what the basis for ones career is should hold some bearing too. Did they chose their career as their life's work or just to sustain a certain livelihood? Is their job something they are so passionate about that it is a part of their identity, or do they simply enjoy the challenge and purpose it gives them?
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| Apr 22 @ 2:42 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,955
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I'd love to play June Cleaver for awhile....but society doesn't really allow that now. Two incomes are the way to go.
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| Apr 22 @ 3:13 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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lj450
Posts: 9,551
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She should keep on working, as long as it isnt "on the pole".
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| Apr 22 @ 4:13 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,615
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I think it's really only an issue early on...when kids are small. But I definitely agree that if they can't work it out between them, there's more wrong than just career issues.
Among my oldster friends, the men seem to retire earlier while the women tend to keep worikng. Of my married friends I can only think of one who's retired - and she was the one who went back to work for a few years after retiring when they ran into financial troubles. I think part of it's the fact that women are more likely to be able to get work - lower paying, but still work. She worked in a gift shop, he worked as a house husband. The husband of one of the women I work with here retired without telling her until after he'd done it...I think I'd have had a problem with that one.
10zie - Did they chose their career as their life's work or just to sustain a certain livelihood? Is their job something they are so passionate about that it is a part of their identity, or do they simply enjoy the challenge and purpose it gives them?
I'd say security should certainly have a lot to do with it. Sorry, I've lived too long, as well as having raised a family by myself, to be so idealistic about the kind of passion I think you're talking about. I'm far from typical, but about 39 years ago I took a routine keypunching job that didn't pay much - separated at that point, with two pre-school kids and not getting any help anywhere. I was there for the paycheck, period. As time went on though, and the kids got older and stronger and more independent, I took on more and more challenges and that job ended up developing into a career that's taken me around the world and still makes me shake my head in wonder thinking back.
I'll grant you that my ex was the one who decided it was 'no fun being married anymore' so I really never had a choice but boy I'm glad it worked out this way.
[Edited on 4/22/2009 4:25 PM]
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| Apr 22 @ 4:47 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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Jalon
Posts: 1,611
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I'd love to play June Cleaver for awhile....but society doesn't really allow that now. Two incomes are the way to go.
You said it, Lippy! ME TOO! But...without the kids, thanks. 
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| Apr 22 @ 8:36 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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What if one is a life saving heart specialist and one a plastic surgeon? Say that the plastic surgeon has a higher income? Should it still be about the coin?
The heart surgeon will always be needed, the plastic surgeon work is elective and business will vary due to the economy.
I think if you add up the " entire " cost of a second income, most would be surprised at how little it actually helps.
That might greatly depend on the jobs themselves, but on average, the final income is not that great.
My dream was always to have a family business, where we would work together. Right this moment, it doesn't seem like such a good idea. 
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| Apr 22 @ 8:42 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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adrian555
Posts: 1,622
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I see plenty of couples that work together.
Not a good idea for most.
Having a break from each other is a good thing, stops a lot of murder I'm sure
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| Apr 22 @ 8:45 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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My dream was always to have a family business, where we would work together
That is actually a nice dream
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| Apr 22 @ 8:53 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why?
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adrian555
Posts: 1,622
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Maybe for the first 6 months.
Nag nag 24/7 , sounds real good 
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| Apr 22 @ 8:54 PM |
Whose Career Is More Important and Why? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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We wouldn't nag if you did everything our...I mean the right way!
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