| Jun 8 @ 12:17 AM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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youbetcha
Posts: 14,834
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Let’s just say I had issues with my parents when I was a child, but when I became an adult, I stood up to them, worked things out and forgave them. But I have known people throughout my life that still blame their parents for their bad behavior. I look at it this way. My parents had me for 18 years. I'm 52. I've been away from home and on my own for 34 years. The minute I walked out that door, I was gladly on my own because I wanted to make my own choices. I've been doing that a lot longer than I lived under my parent’s roof and rule.
I'm not saying what they did no longer affects me. I'm simply saying it's no longer their fault. I also realize they had parents and issues too that they had to deal with and really didn't know any better at the time. They did the best they knew how.
Do you really think its right to continue to blame your parents?
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| Jun 8 @ 12:24 AM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Actually never blamed my mom for anything .. but raising me to stand up for myself and never give up... and to SHOW love not just mouth the words... Okay yeah I will blame her for one thing... it was HER fault I got a good education .. 
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| Jun 8 @ 12:41 AM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,629
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They did nothing to me to forgive.
I felt love and still do from my dad. Mom is gone now.
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| Jun 8 @ 1:37 AM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 7,506
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Do you really think its right to continue to blame your parents? It depends on the situation. Some things my parents are responsible for doing to me will never go away. I had a recurring nightmare until I was in my 40s, that turned out to be actually based on a memory fragment. And, no, it wasn't a "recovered" memory; I mentioned the dream to an older family member who recounted events that they were actually a witness to. I haven't had the nightmare since I discovered it actually was based on real events.
For years, from time to time my mother would refer to a particular instance in my youth, when I was about ten (something she did to me). The day after it apparently happened, she made reference to it, and I had no idea what she was talking about, and to this day I have no memory of it, though my sister was there and assures me it happened.
I don't blame my parents for the way I handle my reactions to certain things. But I do blame them for my having the reactions to begin with. And looking back, I can see a lot of decisions I made early in my life that were driven by psychological forces I didn't understand at the time. Some of those decisions cost me greatly, and I would make differently now, in light of better information and greater understanding about why I felt the way I did.
There is no question but that it is water under the bridge. But in the aftermath of a flood, one can't deny the flood happened. The flood may not be responsible for you not building another house, but it can be responsible for your choice of where to build.
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| Jun 8 @ 12:19 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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My parents did nothing for me to forgive.
The bad thing is, I was my Father's daughter. I was extremely close to him. My Mom is getting funky since he passed away, and it seems we have to forgive each other every day 
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| Jun 8 @ 1:05 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,101
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Yes.. .and forgiving them set me free. Not saying I don't still have a bad memory slip in now and then but I have learned not to hold onto negative thoughts...both of my parents are gone now and I am at peace which is a very comfortable place to be in life 
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| Jun 8 @ 3:39 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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plowman
Posts: 1,283
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a neighborhood friend I grew up with parents used to leave him and his brother and sister outside in the car for hrs and hrs at the bar while they were in there drinking, and yrs later the sister came home from florida where she had moved to and brought her 6 yr old son along. we were sitting over at the parents house and talking about going out for a drink and the sister said she couldn't go because she didn't know anyone to babysit for her, and her dad said "well, we could just leave him in the car"...oh wow, did the sister get po'd! she almost left and went back to florida that very minute!
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| Jun 8 @ 4:32 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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Jalon
Posts: 1,611
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Yep, I think I have.
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| Jun 8 @ 4:41 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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My thoughts on this one pretty much echo Nightowl's.
I don't blame my parents for the way I handle my reactions to certain things. But I do blame them for my having the reactions to begin with. And looking back, I can see a lot of decisions I made early in my life that were driven by psychological forces I didn't understand at the time. Some of those decisions cost me greatly, and I would make differently now, in light of better information and greater understanding about why I felt the way I did.
They did the best they could with the tools they had, but perhaps some people just shouldn't have children to begin with?
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| Jun 8 @ 4:49 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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plowman
Posts: 1,283
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christmas-time was always fun at the same family's house...because the 3 kids came from a mixed-marriage and the sister and her youngest brother were of a lighter skin color than the other brother...the father was caucasian and the mother a dark-skined minority...and after all the presents were opened, then the yelling, screaming, and fighting would begin...3 against 2...the father, the sister, and the youngest brother vs the mother and the other brother...all accusing each other of racial prejudice and discrimination until the parents finally passed out drunk...the sister forgave her parents when she graduated from high school and promptly moved way down to florida, got married, and only infrequently ever came back home to visit.
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| Jun 8 @ 5:52 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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DrLover4U
Posts: 8
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No!
I have never forgiven my parents!
I never blamed them for anything.
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| Jun 8 @ 6:36 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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I'm one of the lucky ones--had a wonderful childhood. That's not to say that there were no arguments, etc. Oh yeah, there were but we kids always knew we were loved. There were no things to be forgiven, at least none I can think of.
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| Jun 8 @ 6:48 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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 Sign!
You know, my youngest son has now brought up to me TWICE how he couldn't walk 3 blocks with his brother to a friends house (until the following summer)
But, he was so ADHD, I feared for his life.
We're talking 3rd and 2nd grade...
Maybe my boys will forgive me.
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| Jun 8 @ 7:24 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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They will, Lori. That's just part of growing up. We had curfews, etc but that's not something I was mad at my folks about. That was just accepted as part of our life. If anything, some of my dad's jokes maybe scarred me for life! LOL But since I inherited his off the wall sense of humor, I can live with it anyway. 
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| Jun 8 @ 8:20 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)?
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Jankia
Posts: 11,909
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No...I kind of like being here. 
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| Jun 8 @ 8:44 PM |
Have You Forgiven Your Parent(s)? |
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youbetcha
Posts: 14,834
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