| Feb 5, 2006 @ 11:28 AM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
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inspired by a comment in the marriage myths thread, i believe this is quite apropos
The way a couple fights can often tell more than what they fight about. If done correctly, conflict and healthy, fair fighting, can strengthen a relationship.
Don't let little things that bother you build up until one of you explodes the issue into a large fight. That's not fighting fair in your marriage.
If you are angry about something and don't try to talk about it with your spouse within 48 hours, let it go. Otherwise, you are not fighting fair.
If your spouse doesn't want to discuss the matter, set an appointment within the next 24 hours to have your fair fight.
Fighting fair means you know what the issue is. Then, both of you stick to the subject.
Keep your fight between the two of you. Don't bring in third parties like your mother-in-law or his best friend.
Fighting fair means you don't hit below the belt.
Fighting fair means you don't bring up past history.
Fighting fair means no name calling. Even endearing terms and pet names can be hurtful when you are using a sarcastic tone.
Be careful how you use humor. Laughter is good, but teasing can be misinterpreted and can be hurtful.
Listen to one another fully while you fight. This includes watching body language. Look at one another while you speak.
Don't interrupt during your fight.
Fighting fair means you don't blame one another make accusations.
Try to use 'I' sentences instead of 'you' sentences.
If the two of you aren't extremely angry, try to hold hands while talking during your fight.
Be open to asking for forgiveness and being willing to forgive.
Tips:
Even though it may be hard to forgive your spouse, not forgiving can cause more harm both emotionally and physically to yourself and to your marriage. Holding a grudge is letting someone else live in your head rent free (i like that!) 
Remember to not fight to win, but to fight for your relationship.
Conflict is not the problem. All couples have disagreements. It's not knowing how to effectively argue that creates difficulty in a relationship/marriage. 
What You Need:
Conflict management skills
A sense of fairness
Putting marriage first
Willingness to forgive
Ability to listen
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 11:54 AM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Know your partner's emotional limits and stay within those limits.
The partner being attacked should listen, empathize and learn to take it.
Ask for practical, possible and fair changes, avoid making outrageous demands
Negotiate a compromise; make sure the agreement is understood. 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 11:55 AM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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The way a couple fights can often tell more than what they fight about. If done correctly, conflict and healthy, fair fighting, can strengthen a relationship.
Fighting does not strengthen a relationship, it destroys a relationship. 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 11:57 AM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Fighting does not strengthen a relationship, it destroys a relationship
Discussion strengthens a relationship.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 12:16 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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painter007
Posts: 17,853
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how to fight fairly? without hitting.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 12:22 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
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absolutely, tink. 
when i was a kid, i always asked and wondered what would happen if me and the mister reached an impasse. ultimately, i realized i wouldn't marry someone where we didn't have common ground on issues that were most important to me.
conflicts are inevitable with people. how people accept and approach said conflicts make all the difference in any sort of relationship (intimate, work, familial, etc). compromise isn't such a bad word either. 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 12:27 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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The most important goal for good communication is to have your intent match your impact. Intent is what you actually mean, the point you want to get across when you talk. Impact is what the person you're talking to thinks you mean. Sometimes you know exactly what you want to say, but it doesn’t come out right. Other people may not understand what you are trying to say. The best way to get your message across is to say it honestly and clearly, and to think about where, when, and how best to say it. The goal of communicating about problems is to make a situation better, not to make things worse. 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 12:28 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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Negotiate a compromise; make sure the agreement is understood.
I wanted her to be her, she wanted me to be somebody else. So we compromised: She found somebody else.
We both understood.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 2:24 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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father_heart
Posts: 1,110
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NAKED
once ya feel the heat of battle, the true warriors in mankind, got naked.
The benifits from this are beyound numerous.
Thats hog wash you say??
You can't do that all the time??
Try me.
Your home, in your home, and theres been things adding up, ( cause if your fighting only over the stupid toliet seat then you got some pretty major personal issues) and it release time. First thing ya do is drop drawers. Have it out, you gona be laffing at me when Im standing there, besides myself, telling you how much i think you are wrong soon enough. Or you know the part, right after the really intence emtional venting? The blank what to do next? Some pretty heavey confusion going on, and you just dont know what to do. well it because you have your clothes on. It block the next natural instinct. You should be f***ing. Ya got 1000000000 emtions all knotted up, the best way to make sure the nasty resentful ones are flushed away, is to reconnect with your lover. If you plan on keeping them arround forever. Your clothes are already off.
Theres a reason you can remember more of the bad stuff easily, then the good stuff of past relationships. The resentmen.
Fight naked.
Can you imagen the intence passion during your love making? The reunion afterwards during the glow. Odds be you remain naked, together rest of the day if premit.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 2:29 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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father_heart
Posts: 1,110
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how to fight fairly? without hitting.
Hiting is not fighting, its abuse.
You son and daughters of a..... that like to hit.
Knock it off.
NO EXCUSE
NO EXCEPTIONS
PERIOD
The moment you lay your hands on your lover in the emotion of anger,
ever after you have stained the touch of love.
You may still grow together, yet only sickly.
And it will in the end die.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 3:21 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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painter007
Posts: 17,853
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some think hitting is fighting.....
But Id do the naked disagreement. Really I dont argue that much having learned everyone has their own way of seeing and doing things. Thats not to say that I am not passionate about things I may say, I just try to be gentle in its delivery.
Man anyone for a small disagreement so we can get naked?
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 3:39 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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Let's get naked instead of fighting.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:22 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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father_heart
Posts: 1,110
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has their own way of seeing and doing things.
Even so, those add up, and even you dear, will have those moments
So there i disagree with ya
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:25 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Let's get naked instead of fighting.
Works well for me when I do that. 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:28 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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father_heart
Posts: 1,110
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SEE testify lol
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:35 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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painter007
Posts: 17,853
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so in disagreeing is this a argument..Naked time?
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:37 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Paintballs?
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:09 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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beatriceistheone
Posts: 152
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People who fight in relationships alot have incompatibility issues. Its not a real fun way to spend your life with someone with all the tension.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:23 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship
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2Biatchy4U
Posts: 432
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Couples are goin to fight.
You just have to know each others buttons...
and DONT push them.
Dont fight over pety shiat.
LISTEN dont just talk.
Finish the fight, dont leave things unsettled. even if you have to take a break to recompose yourself.
lecriveuse you posted some really good advice
Last but not least
Make Up Sex
best way to end a fight
I do like dude's naked idea 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:44 PM |
How To Fight Fairly in Your Marriage/relationship |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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After a fight, the very LAST thing I want to do is kiss and make up. 
The ex read somewhere that fighting was good for a marriage. I didn't want to fight. She insisted. She pushed all of my buttons, while I pretended to ignore her. When she was done with the tyrade, she wanted to kiss and make up. I wanted to strangle the bitch.
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