| Mar 26, 2006 @ 2:27 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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poniepower
Posts: 1,733
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I know that i've only been here a short time, and some will think by my posting this that it's wrong for telling a bunch of strangers about the tragedy that has just happened to me and my family.
This morning while i was posting in the threads, the phone rang. It was my youngest son. His words floored me. I was in shock. He said to me, "mom jason's dead". And the worst part of the nightmare today is....it was true. For those of you who don't know, jason is my 13 y/o son. He was killed in a tractor accident this morning.
I'm not looking for sympathy from internet strangers...I just want to say a couple things though......I couldn't sleep, so i got online to think.....
Your children are a loan from God. Make sure you hug them, hold them, kiss them, laugh with them, cry with them, and most of all....tell them YOU LOVE THEM ....OFTEN! You never know when they'll be taken from you.
I didn't get up to give jason a hug friday night when he left to go to his dads, but i did say...I love you guys, and be careful.
None of this seems real to me. None of this seems real to the rest of my family. I've asked the question why? why? why? why? why? all day today. I haven't gotten an answer!!
I'm numb...I am hurting so bad that I can no longer feel. I have a rough next few days ahead of me....and then i have the rest of my life to wonder why ....when all the people are gone out of my home, when all the flowers have been thrown, when i think no more tears can fall.....i'll sit and wonder why....
If anyone can shed some light on how i'm to deal with this pain....please tell me.....
and please....please...please....don't judge me for being online right now...it's 1:30 am....and i need someone to talk to........
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 2:42 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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uncrazy
Posts: 2,382
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I have you and your family in my prayers.
Jim
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 2:42 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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marysilk
Posts: 41
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(((Ponie)))
I have no words that could possibly soothe your pain. I can not imagine what you must be going through.
My heart aches for you and my prayers are with you !
PS CYE
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 2:45 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Oh Ponie............Baby, I am sooooooooo sorry that it is in your cards to have to go through this.........please know that you are not alone. I am online, and here if you want to talk about your pain, or even just inane banter.
I cannot give you an answer to your question of 'Why?', but I can lend you my strength.......... 
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 2:51 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Ponie honey, there are no easy answers, and nothing any of us can do to help you with your pain right now, only to let you know our thoughts are with you. I'm sure there are some among us who have also lost a child, I am one of those, so we do have some idea of what you are going through.
You take care honey, and remember, there are no real answers to "why"......
Rich
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 3:32 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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I dont know what to say. I would be devasted..I am here if you need to post
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 4:15 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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Ponie....I'm here too. I know no amount of words can help right now, but hopefully, knowing that others are here for you to listen will help comfort you some.
I'm so very, very sorry to hear about this. You will most likely never get an answer to your "Why did this happen?", but, I'm sure as time goes by, you will find many answers as to why you, your family and Jason's friends were given the honor of his presence!!! Each and every thought of him that is now causing such excrutiating pain in his loss will eventually cause you sweet, fond memories in your heart forever.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 6:12 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers..
We are doing well with our grief when we are grieving.
Somehow we have it backwards.
We think people are doing well when they aren't crying.
Grief is a process of walking through some painful periods
toward learning to cope again.
We do not walk this path without pain and tears.
When we are in the most pain,
we are making the most progress.
When the pain is less,
we are coasting and resting up for the next steps.
People need to grieve.
Grief is not an enemy to be avoided;
it is a healing path to be walked.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 6:39 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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bryan2992
Posts: 688
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Ponnie,
I am so so so sorry to hear about the sorrow that is happening right now. I wish I could offer a comforting thought but since none come to mind I will offer a "shoulder to cry on" if you need to vent or anything I think I can safely say that we are all here for you.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 6:48 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Ponie, I am SO sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of your family.
You are right in your post. You must tell those for whom you care how much you care at every single opportunity. Because we never know....
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 6:55 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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mailorderannie
Posts: 6,021
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Oh sweetheart, I know there are no magic words that can be said right now that will ease your pain, but know that I am sending you prayers for strength and understanding. You will never answer the question of "why" so stop driving yourself crazy trying to find the answer. Just concentrate on the love around you and know that people truly do care.
If you ever need to talk, send me an email and I'll be happy to listen.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 7:09 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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Rinimer2003
Posts: 114
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Words can't help you right now...but please realize many care and would do anything to erase what has happened. It's every parents nightmare.
Many hard days are ahead - and many hard nights. Post any time you want to - we are all here for you.
Many. many (((hugs))) andm prayers for you and your family~
Sara
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 7:27 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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dixiepixie
Posts: 869
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Ponie
Your loss has touched me and my heart is aching for you. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 8:04 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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CynCity
Posts: 556
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My God, sweetie, I'm so, so sorry for you and your family. I'm here for you, any time you need a friend, day or night, we all are. Post here in the forums anytime you need to, I've had some tremendous losses and sometimes we need a safe place to talk. You're safe here.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 8:46 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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DawolfLover
Posts: 568
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Ponie i'm positive your son knows you love him endlessly. I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a tremendous loss. Just remember he is with you always and he still loves you just as much as you love him.
My prayers are with you and your family.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 8:49 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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luvshorses644
Posts: 1,571
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Ponie,
I am very sorry for your loss. I, too, do not believe there will ever be an answer as to why. Though you are and will be facing the grief involved in this, as Eyes said, the memories of the time that your son had with you will be what comforts you. A part of him will always be alive in your heart and you can call upon those memories to help you in the days, months, years ahead. You are so right about the fact that we should always remember to show the people in our lives that mean the world to us that very fact. I am so positive that your son knew exactly how special and loved he was to you and he takes that knowledge with him to his new journey in eternal light. There is one book I bought for my mom when my brother was murdered, called "A Healing Year" by Alaric Lewis that might be of some help. The grief that you are going through I cannot imagine, but your son, will always be a part of you. I will keep you in my prayers.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 9:15 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Ponie-
I won't say too much because it's already been said. Except that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need someone to talk to, write to me.
Hugs to you and your family
Wish I could be there for ya.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 9:23 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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You will be in my thought's and prayer's. My heart goe's out to you and all your loved one's .All of us on Md are here for you.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 9:46 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel.......
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Jankia
Posts: 11,907
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We are all truly sorry for your loss Ponie.
Although you may not believe it right now, the pain of loss will diminish and the good memories of your son will remain.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 9:53 AM |
MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!!!!!!! if only i could feel....... |
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suzieq0808
Posts: 1,080
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Ponie, I have no magic words. I wish I did. Hugs are all I have -- they are yours. Whenever you feel too alone, close your eyes and imagine arms wrapped tightly around you. Feel the love pouring over you from the top of your head and enveloping you all the way down to your toes.
and please....please...please....don't judge me for being online right now
And some advice: We all grieve differently. Please feel free to grieve in your own way and do your best to pay no attention to those who may feel you're "doing it wrong."
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