| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:01 PM |
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mikeoutthere
Posts: 347
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Why do some women refuse to see and acknowledge the tell tale signs in a man that sooner or later he will abuse them physically ?...there are behavior patterns that will always repeat them selves over and over again. If a man is overly controlling and has a problem with taking no as the answer from you, and is already verbally abusive/disrespectful with you…sooner or later he will move on to physical abuse as well.
What’s your opinion ?
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| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:04 PM |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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Good question, I have my suspicions but I will observe the replies in this thread to help confirm them.
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| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:21 PM |
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LindaL
Posts: 4
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Cause I feel a man should be controlling.
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| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:32 PM |
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Timmy2006
Posts: 1
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Be careful... there's a difference between confidence and controlling. When a man (or woman) is controlling it's the first sign that he's capable of wore unless it's nipped in the bud right at the beginning. Don't be fouled into seeing this as flattering- it's not. It's about insecurity.
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| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:33 PM |
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mikeoutthere
Posts: 347
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Controlling = Abuse…sooner or later.
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| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:39 PM |
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LindaL
Posts: 4
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"Okay."
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| Mar 29, 2006 @ 10:52 PM |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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This subject is very hard for me. I was beaten by a man....And unless you hve been there or are a abuser...then you better be careful what you say.
It is different for every person and circumstance.
I have been outspoken about this and I left after the 3rd time of being hit. And he was not controlling...or abusive for over 12 yrs....He got into drugs...
I am curious why you would even bring it up
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 12:25 AM |
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NJSteve176
Posts: 211
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When I'm in a relationship I usually punch myself in the face while masterbating to let off some steam, It makes for a peaceful time with me and the ole lady.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 4:32 PM |
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mikeoutthere
Posts: 347
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Because, I see it around so much of it....women abusing man mentally, man abusing them fizykly, and also I grow-up in a family where abuse was and is an unacceptable way to solve problems in a relationship. But the abuse I am talking about in this forum, is the kind which people are committing mostly because they just enjoy seeing someone’s suffering and being in control, and just use being under influence as an excuse of there action.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 4:44 PM |
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richmondcowgirl83
Posts: 1,062
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Controlling doesn't always lead to abuse. Being controlled & being abused is too different things. Some woman like being control. It less for them to have to worry about.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 4:52 PM |
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mikeoutthere
Posts: 347
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I AM TALKING ABOUT ABUSE ..NOT BD/SM…or and how the submissive and dominant people relate to each there in life.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 4:57 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I AM TALKING ABOUT ABUSE ..NOT BD/SM… But you said that controlling=abuse. Being controlled is not necessarily sexually related, it can be a way of life for some (many) people, and again it is not necessarily abuse, although it is a way of life that is not enjoyable (or wanted) for most people.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 5:03 PM |
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richmondcowgirl83
Posts: 1,062
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well maybe what you consider abuse some consider normal. I know some women that think being drug around by their hair is normal & its not about s/m its their way of life. Thats what they consider acceptable & don't consider it abuse.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:03 PM |
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CynCity
Posts: 556
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Well, actually there is a fine line between control and abuse. When one is controlled they lose all definition of themselves and often become the property of the conroller. As for why woman stay in an absusive situation, it is usually something that escalates, through put downs and lowering of ones self esteem. There becomes a point the victim cannot see themselves as a worthy human being, nor can they imagine being alone and their self esteem is so low they cannot imagine getting out. There is a phenomenom called the Stockholm Symdrom wherein the individual actually defends they absuser. Family and friends often give up trying to help, leaving the absued even more isolated. Isolation is they key to an absusers method of madness. Imagine being totally alone, except for the abuser who professess to love you, and you may begin to understand the desire of the victim to stay. Often the abuser keeps the victim from working, having outside friends and/or activities. Abuse is usually a situation that perpetuates itself from generation to generation. Often the physical pain is much less than the mental one.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:04 PM |
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draketungsten
Posts: 304
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The very fact you raise the subject , and in this manner, makes red flags of every kind raise up in my eyes.....you seem obsessed with abuse and control. People who have been abused often times become the abuser later in life.How are we to know you aren't actually an abuser already yourself? You seem so well versed on the process.You could be a stalker serial killer for all we know and you are using the guise of a discussion forum to gauge women's reactions to abuse so you know who to target. Kind of like the arsonist who stands in the crowd outside the burning building he just set ablaze. What possible, reasonable motive can you have for starting a topic like this on a dating site forum?. I've seen first hand what abuse does to people. It's an ugly horrible thing no matter what spin you put on it. There is no good abuse, no certain degrees of it, and it is never acceptable..PERIOD.... Mistreating other people in any form is criminal. If I EVER find out about any man, who has abused anyone, in any form, and hasn't been arrested prior to me finding him.....may God have mercy on his soul....
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:10 PM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,408
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already verbally abusive/disrespectful with you…sooner or later he will move on to physical abuse as well.
says who?
I dated a man that could be a jerk sometimes with his mouth, but the kindest, gentlest man in other ways. Over four years. And he never, ever hurt me, or tried.
And remember-it's the quiet ones you gotta watch.
Do you have some stats we could view?
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:13 PM |
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introspective1
Posts: 236
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I agree, drake, can I help?  You can have what's left of them when I'm done...unless you see them first  
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:16 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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If I EVER find out about any man, who has abused anyone, in any form, and hasn't been arrested prior to me finding him..... A worthy sentiment indeed, but all you have to do is look around you, every single day, to find these people, in varying degrees and forms.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:26 PM |
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kykykiss4u2
Posts: 283
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Abuse is about power and control. Control is a form of psychological abuse. Controlling others through intimidation, threats, humiliation, and isolation are just a few of the tatics used by abusers to keep their spouse or partner 'in line'. In addition, abusive behavior can be seen as 'normal' for those having experienced it for a considerable amount of time.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 6:27 PM |
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hope67
Posts: 535
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i only know 1st hand , one jerk , where there is one there are likely others . i left as soon as i had a way out .
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