| May 29, 2006 @ 6:51 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
Anglophile756
Posts: 6
|
hi everyone - hope I'm not opening up a can of worms here. I'd like to know what others think and if others have had this problem. I have been a M.D. member before and had a similar incident to something that just happened. [bear with me - this is going somewhere].
In the past I have found if I make my profile too generic I get contacted by too many men that are wayy off target from what I am looking for. I have a very specific "type" I find attractive, and really am trying to find a person that fits that criteria. So either I am generic and hear from a lot of men I have no interest in or am specific about what I want and am accused of being choosy, picky, racist (i like guys with BLUE eyes - can't help it. Brown eyes do nothing for me).
Because I had a very bad relationship with my father, I also cannot bear being around men who are either fat or bald, as he was. I know this cuts out a lot of guys but - do I not have the RIGHT to decide who I want to be with? Twice now I have had men write to me with very angry messages (they contacted ME - not the other way aorund), presumably because they found me attractive and I shot 'em down because they didn't fit my criteria. One accused me of being racist - presumably because I'm looking to be with my own kind - a tall, fair man of northern european descent. Why do these men think that I don't have the right to decide who I want to be with? I'm sure they have their criteria - do they think I should just lay there on my back and say "here it is guys - come n' get it - anybody welcome!"
Sorry this went on so long - I just want to see if others have experienced this. My feeling is if you aren't specific about what you are looking for, you'll never find it. Have any others had people get angry with them because they're not what YOU want? Thanks to all who reply -
|
|
  |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 7:03 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
sassylovesyou
Posts: 63
|
good subject.......I havnt had ne1 get angry (yet) as im new but why when i hav specified an age of 30-40 do I get mail from 40+ men?!!!! Am I suppose 2make exceptions for them....no I dont think so. I may not be sum peoples cup of tea but that doesnt give me the right to to get angry with them coz they dont like me,we all have our own choices and prefer what we prefer!!!!!!!
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 7:39 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
|
I really don't know why so many men (and women) get so antsy about people expressing their preferences, whether it be about colour, weight, height or whatever. After all, we all have preferences, and with so many people online these days it's very important that we narrow down who we wish to talk with by expressing our preferences early on. I mean, why would I want to talk with a woman who wants a man over 6 foot tall who lives in Iceland? I wouldn't, therefore I'd be glad she made that clear in her profile, and I certainly wouldn't accuse her of being "heightist" or racist because of those preferences.
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 7:52 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
mailorderannie
Posts: 6,021
|
First of all...we all have a right to choose...and at your age, you have earned that right. We all have certain things that we are attracted to and just can't change that, so faking it is out of the question.
My only comment is the way you state what you are looking for in your profile....or rather what you don't want. You explained your preferences nicely here in your post and your reasons for not being attracted to bald round men. Maybe if you "softened" your explanation in your profile, that would stop the emails. Focus on what you are looking for instead of appearing to bash a particular type of person that you don't want. You may still get unwanted emails, but be polite in your "thanks but no thanks" return email.
I think sometimes when we list preferences on our profiles, we also have to realize the type of person we are looking for can read negatives into it also and see it as an intolerance rather than a preference. I think presenting yourself and your likes/dislikes in the most positive way will give you the most positive results.
Good luck!
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 8:13 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
|
hi everyone - hope I'm not opening up a can of worms here Hi welcome to the forums..and you are not..
...or am specific about what I want and am accused of being choosy, picky, racist You can be as specific as you want and should never be emailed by someone critising you for it, that is just wrong.
Twice now I have had men write to me with very angry messages (they contacted ME - not the other way aorund), presumably because they found me attractive and I shot 'em down because they didn't fit my criteria. ah ha...  I am reading that they sent you an email..you "shot them down" and then they responded back with an angry email..Is this right?
my take..they didn't like how you responded to them and retaliated with an angry email..this is sad on their part. (JMHO) maybe we need to revisit the "responding to emails" topic again.. as some guys still can't seem to understand..
1) angry emails are not attractive to women
2) you can be reported for sending an angry email and possibly banned from this site
3) getting a response ( even one that shoots you down) is better than being totally ignored.
edit:
Okay guys, subtle hasn't worked here. I'm hearing from a lot of men who are way off the mark of what I'm looking for, so I'm going to be blunt. I would like to meet a -..., If you are... please do not write. Having said that - if you're still with me here, give it a shot. I know I'm picky, but why waste your time or mine? I know what I want - and what I do not want. I am not the kind to "settle" - ..
this seems to be ok to me..It tells me that she knows what she wants..and If I am not that to not write...  ..If these were first contact emails..just report them
[Edited on 5
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 8:35 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
|
Everybody has a right to choose.
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 8:42 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
|
What Annie said! Soften.....there are kinder ways of getting your point across.
Also, instead of focusing on what you don't want, focus on what you would like
When you focus on what you don't want, you attract to you exactly what you don't want on an energetic level.....in the same light, wanting will only leave you in a state of wanting.....what you desire will likely not materialize.....so think about writing what you desire or seek instead.
Really do think about writing what you'd like in a softer, gentler way.....if I was a guy, I'd look at your profile and at the very least say Hmmmmmmmmmmm! 
There are parts of it that are harsh.
Without question we all have our preferences....the way we communicate preferences will either have us receive what we'd like or not.
Good luck!
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 8:44 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
RAKS37
Posts: 617
|
People have the right to thier preferences / choosey
They also have the right to be alone the rest of thier lives.
I have seen some exact specs in the ideal match section.
it's kinda spooky
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 9:22 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
|
You may still get unwanted emails, but be polite in your "thanks but no thanks" return email.
good point annie cos I don't think someone who's sane will keep on loading your inbox with unwanted mails if they received a clear, polite and straight-to-the-point kind of reply...except they are animals pretending to be human beings. I get these kind of mails all the time. I always try so damn hard to be as polite as possible when replying them.
Everybody, without any exception, has got the right to choose or pick whoever they feel comfortable talking to or living with or whatever.
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 9:24 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
chippy
Posts: 28
|
Yes, of course, we all have the right to choose but I do wonder when a specific eye color is requested. I do understand why you specified blue, Anglo, I have blue eyes ~wink~ but there may be a guy out there with brown eyes that fit every other criteria you desire and he's gonna slip through your fingers.
One cannot, in all honesty, be looking for a soulmate when one demands specific eye color, perfection personified, perhaps, soulmate, I don't think so.
Though I wouldn't get into your top one million possible dates, Anglo, your comments on your profile did not make we wish I fitted all your choices....especially about team sports....blimey.....you don't like soccer!!!!!!!!! 
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 9:31 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
nightrider3281
Posts: 752
|
we all have the right to choose, and most have criteria. That is good but how do you really know until you start talking to that person. Just because we have criteria doesnt mean that someone can't come along to make us change our mind. I would never say never don't know what may happen. Could be a diamond in the rough.
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 10:32 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
Anglophile756
Posts: 6
|
hi - thanks for the comments - no, it wasn't a case of they wrote and I wrote back and shot them down - in both cases their attack on me was their initial contact - They chose to wirte to me and harass me simply because they did not like what I wrote in my profile and I presume were angry that they didn't fit my criteria. I guess it bothers me because I have seen men I thought were attractive and interesting and that would fit my criteria but when I read further they have stated "I wish to be contacted by petite, Asian women" - which at 5'9" and (until recently) blonde, was not me. I was a little disappointed since I had been interested in these mens's profiles, but have never found it insulting in any way. Why is it when I say I want a tall blue-eyed nordic type I'm accused of being racist, but if anyone else says they want Asian, Hispanic, Black or another ethnic type as their partner, that is NOT being racist? I don't get it.
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:13 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
jim9562
Posts: 620
|
i was one of those who wrote her a nasty e-mail,,i admit it ,,i was offended by her entire profile,,,,,,,searching for the perfect "Aryan" master race type......and i informed her no matter how attractive she thought she might be,,,that attitude was one of the ugliest things i've ever read and it made her completely unattractive no matter what she looked like on the outside,,,,of course your allowed you preferences,,,,,,but like a few posters said,,,,,tone it down a bit ,,,,i don't put in my profile,,,,,if your black,don't write..if your physically imperfect,,don't write...if your not my picture of the perfect aryan,,blue eyes ,blond hair,,,don't write,,,,,it was offensive and i stand by what i wrote her,,,,,,,,,,i despise people who discriminate in such an obvious manner,,,,,,,but to each his own and i suppose i shouldn't let it bother me,,,,,,,,racism and bigotry in the form of "preferences" is beyond my control..
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:13 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
robodad
Posts: 7,823
|
Why is it when I say I want a tall blue-eyed nordic type I'm accused of being racist, but if anyone else says they want Asian, Hispanic, Black or another ethnic type as their partner, that is NOT being racist? I don't get it.
Maybe because it's only racist if someone else says it
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:18 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
|
I've got to admit that anglophile's profile is a bit too harsh, too much "in-your-face" on the "not wanted" listings. It comers across in a much friendlier tone if you right what you ARE looking for.....
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:20 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
|
I've got to admit that anglophile's profile is a bit too harsh, too much "in-your-face" on the "not wanted" listings.
I got the same impression too. However it's her choice and she can reap the rewards or consequences of it.
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:40 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
|
Yep, I say let people put exactly what they're looking for in their profiles, however politically incorrect, racist, intolerant, selfish, and unreasonable.
Makes it easier for me to avoid them.
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:50 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
|
Makes it easier for me to avoid them LOL absolutely right Mo!
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 11:55 AM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose"
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,413
|
Anglo-
I think you will find a minimal number of people here that will write because something in the profile struck a nerve-it isn't that they are upset they don't fit what you want. Gosh, I accidentally clicked that I was Mormon on my profile and got quite a scary letter from some man telling me off.
You have the right to put what you want in your profile. You have the right to block or turn in people that harass you.
|
|
| |
|
| May 29, 2006 @ 12:03 PM |
Being specific/choosy, our "right to choose" |
|
jim9562
Posts: 620
|
You have the right to put what you want in your profile. You have the right to block or turn in people that harass you.
and we have the right to be appaled and offended and the absolute right to speak freely about it.
|
| |
|
|
|
|