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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 1:53 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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..what's your attitude about this?
I've seen it said many times that if you sleep with someone on the first date, you're "easy," "cheap," a "whore," etc., and usually this is men (or women) talking about women.
But think about this:
If it's her first date with YOU, it's also your first date with HER. Hmmm....
To he** with double standards. If she's cheap/trash/slut, whatever, then so are you.
What's even more "confusing" is, if you men (meaning you men who do this -- and there are PLENTY) don't think a woman should sleep with you on the first date, then don't seduce her. Or don't give in if she tries to seduce you. Tell her you want to wait. Tell her you have more respect for her -- and yourself -- than to have sex on the first date. It's really pretty simple.
I just met a man over the weekend who drove 9.5 hours to come see me, who was a gentleman in every sense of the word. I haven't seen a man act like that in AGES...how refreshing. We talked, we kissed...heavily...but, when it came down to it, he said he didn't think it was right to go further -- although we BOTH wanted to. But I was very VERY impressed with his abilitiy to control himself. He said, "I am a man, I'm not a dog. I can control my sexual urges." Nope, you don't meet men like that very often at all.
(I'm going to go see him in a few weeks, I hope.)
This one may be a keeper!
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 2:26 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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guiltless
Posts: 57
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What a bunch of CRAP.
I will never understand the need by some to place labels on others.
So if you go out on a date, have a great evening, wonderful food, great conversation and the chenistry is right, with a little luck you turn to the Physical side of the relationship. That make you easy?
I think not!
Is there some unwritten rule or point of eddicut that sez you can sleep with someone after X number of dates and still be considered a chasened woman? What then is the correct number of dates? 5? 10? when?
Look at it this way.
You found someone and each expressed a mutual interest in the other.
After getting to know more about that person and sharing some time with them you each agree that you should allow the natural progression to occur.
I think it would really suck if you met someone, dated them once or twice, but wouldn't allow what you BOTH truly wanted to occur, and he simply walked away to find someone less inhibited by the labels that society MIGHT place upon you for acting on your impulse.
Since when does one allow society (o worse your chatty/ catty girlfiends) to place bounds on your sexual life. Thats really none of thier business.
Go, enjoy the guilft that you have to offer, and share them with someone who has thier own gifts for you. Screw the people who would judge you afterwards.
Of course if you don't Tell them about it they will have nothing to judge you for.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 2:26 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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You really don't have to if you don't want to. I guess it's all intuitive, play it by ear. I've had it on the first date and later on as well. My thoughts are that you want it right away when your hormones override your patience for a little get to know you better.
Either way has seemed to work but I tend to be standoffish if I perceive something seeming to be bugging me about her.
I will never understand the need by some to place labels on others.
I agree when it comes to dating and having sex
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 2:34 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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I have and I am sure I will again.
Afterall, we are both adults and not school age virgins.
It depends on several things.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 2:43 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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I have had sex on the first date many times. I just thought it was very refreshingly nice that he said he had enough respect to not just "jump my bones" the very first day he met me in person.
I don't think judgment should be placed on women at all if they have sex on the first date. However, many people do. In fact, in a different thread here, I read a post from someone, which stated something to the effect of, "If she has sex on the first date it means she is probably sleeping around with a lot of men."
Hmm...
Anyway, my point is, the double standard is bullsh**. If it's wrong for her, then it should also be wrong for him, shouldn't it?
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 2:50 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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EvoPsych
Posts: 390
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Let me get this strait.....You have sex on the fist date, but you call bisexual men what-evers, confused and willing to sleep with anything that walks.
Looks like your capable of falling into bed at the drop of a hat too.
Then obssesing about wether your a slut or not, for doing it.
Now who's confused about their sexuality.
I frankly can't believe you posted a thread about evil promisuous bisexual men, who sleep with everybody, on the same day as you posted about wanting to sleep with a guy on the first date.
Do you suppose a woman who sleeps with men on the fist date runs a higher risk of encountering STD's and HIV? Which is one of the reasons you claim you would never want to date a bisexual man.
Seems your willingness to engage in risky behaviour depends on how hot and macho they look...Or do you think Sex with someone you just met does not carry a higher than normal risk of HIV?
[Edited on 7/25/2006 2:58 PM]
[Edited on 7/25/2006 3:02 PM]
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 3:12 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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robodad
Posts: 7,823
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Anyway, my point is, the double standard is bullsh**. If it's wrong for her, then it should also be wrong for him, shouldn't it? Nope! 
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 3:22 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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EvoPsych
Posts: 390
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I would think promiscuity would be wrong for everybody, but apparently in jeanc's book, its only wrong for male bisexuals.
She wants to talk about how slutty bi men are, but thinks it's a double standard if anyone questions how fast, she herself jumps in the sack.
Wow!
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 5:25 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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Let me get this strait.....You have sex on the fist date, but you call bisexual men what-evers, confused and willing to sleep with anything that walks.
Umm, I never called a bisexual man a "whatever," nor did I say one would sleep with anything that walks. I did say that I think that perhaps many bisexual people are confused as to their true sexual orientation and that their are studies that support this theory.
[quote]Looks like your capable of falling into bed at the drop of a hat too.
Nope, I said that I have slept with men on the first date, I never said a damn thing about screwing someone at the drop of a hat.
Then obssesing about wether your a slut or not, for doing it.
I never stated, nor implied, any such thing. What I was referring to was the DOUBLE STANDARD that says that if a woman sleeps with a man on the first date, then she's a whore, but if a man does it, he's a stud. I never thught I was a slut for doing it, or even considered any such thing.
Now who's confused about their sexuality.
Beat me. I know I'm not.
I frankly can't believe you posted a thread about evil promisuous bisexual men
I didn't post a thread about evil, promiscuous men, bisexual or otherwise....
, who sleep with everybody, on the same day as you posted about wanting to sleep with a guy on the first date.
Nor did I say a DAMN thing about WANTING to sleep with a guy on the first date.
What I DID say was, I met a wonderful man who had enough respect for me to control his sexual urges to wait until whenever we both decide that the time was right for both of us to sleep together. I found this very refreshing, because there are hardly any GENTLEMEN left anymore. And I readily admitted that ...even though we BOTH wanted to ..in other words, he wasn't begging me and me saying no; I had already told him I preferred to wait and he agreed and then, when I asked him if our heavy kissing, etc., was going to be "hard" on him, so to speak, he stated that, no, he had enough self-control to not HAVE to have it the first day we met. You got a problem with that? Tough.
Do you suppose a woman who sleeps with men on the fist date runs a higher risk of encountering STD's and HIV?
Not necessarily. Do you?
Which is one of the reasons you claim you would never want to date a bisexual man.
The reason that the risk of HIV/AIDS is higher is because statistics show that the disease is transmitted more readily amongst gay and bisexual men than it is amongst the hetereosexual population. But that's not the only reason I don't want to date a bisexal man, however. The fact of the matter is, I don't want a man who are attracted to other men in a sexual way. Sorry if that doesn't suit you, but that IS my prerogative, you know. I'm totally straight, and I'm attracted to totally straight men.
Seems your willingness to engage in risky behaviour depends on how hot and macho they look..
It does? First of all, I don't engage in risky behavior. I HAVE done so, in the past. So freaking what? And you haven't? Secondly, where in the world you get that who I sleep with is determined by how hot they are or how macho they look is simply unfathomable to me, and quite a RIDICULOUS assumption.
Or do you think Sex with someone you just met does not carry a higher than normal risk of HIV?
Again, perhaps it does, perhaps it doesn't. It really depends on whether or not the person you sleep with has the HIV virus, doesn't it? But, since these days I haven't had sex with ANYONE in quite a while, much less on the first date, that statement doesn't even apply to me.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 5:27 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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She wants to talk about how slutty bi men are, but thinks it's a double standard if anyone questions how fast, she herself jumps in the sack.
Wow!
Oh, I missed this.
Girl, are you on crack or something? I NEVER said a thing about how "slutty" bisexual men are. Not one word. So just STFU, would ya? If you inferred that from anything i said, then YOU must think they're "slutty." But I never said it, nor do I think it.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 6:22 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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If you want to you will, if you don't want to you shouldn't.
This thread has been done-
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 6:41 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Having sex on the first date is up to the individuals involved, no-one else, and no-one has the right to "label" them in any manner at all.
Saying that, Jean, I am surprised at you. After all, I have seen you state many times about how dangerous certain "activities" are in regards to spreading various STDs, so imagine my shock/horror to see you say you have had sex on the first date many times. After all, on a first date you are hardly likely to know much about his sexual history.. he may even be bisexual, or married, or perhaps even frequent brothels.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 6:57 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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double standard?
Ugh dont get me started. 
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 7:09 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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Saying that, Jean, I am surprised at you. After all, I have seen you state many times about how dangerous certain "activities" are in regards to spreading various STDs, so imagine my shock/horror to see you say you have had sex on the first date many times. After all, on a first date you are hardly likely to know much about his sexual history.. he may even be bisexual, or married, or perhaps even frequent brothels.
LOL...I don't know that I've stated how dangerous certain activities are any more or less than anyone else has, but why would you be surprised at the fact that I stated it, regardless of whether or not I've had endless sexual encounters or no sexual encounters? Fact is, the risk of contracting various diseases is high no matter what, and the risk gets even higher as the frequency of occurrences/partners gets higher. Any moron knows that.
Also, I have, IN MY PAST, have had sex on the first date many times. But I didn't say I didn't know anything about the guy. You're presuming I had sex with total strangers. While that may have happened a time or two, by and large most of the men I've had sex with I was well acquainted with before i went out with them.
Also, let me remind you we're talking past-tense here. Like the late '70s and early/mid 80s? We're talking 25, 30 years ago, when I was a LOT younger and took risks I shouldn't have. I would surmise that many here did the same thing. Don't tell me you think I'm some kind of prude and/or sexually naive because I now choose to use a lot more common sense, not to mention exercise discipline and self-respect with regard to when, where, why, how, etc., etc., I will let a man have sex with me these days.
I don't think there's a thing wrong with employing the use of a bit of common sense, but that doesn't make me any kind of religous freak, nor a prude, nor insecure, nor stupid, nor asexual, nor any of those things. I'm just a smart woman who knows what she wants and who isn't going to settle for any less than I deserve any more.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 7:13 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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Actually I will take time to reply to this thread.
I think it is a terrible double standard that men have concerning women who sleep with men on the 1st date. But of course that comes from old school thinking(insert irony) which women must be saints but men can be sinners.
Of course I dont put sex and love or even intamacy (some of the time) in the same context as most ppl do so my view is skewed by my non judgemental perception of sex and relationships in general.
IMO sex and love are far from each other. Is sex more special with someone you love?
Yes I agree with this but heck going to dinner with someone I love is ALSO more special than going to dinner with someone I dont love.
I have NO disrespect for a person who has sex with multiple partners so long as all partners are aware of what is going on. If not then I DO lose respect b/c I believe in 100% honesty.
1st date BAH! who cares..I have dated women for extended periods of time who I slept with on the 1st date and then I have had short lived relationships with women I had not slept with at all. And some right in the middle, took a while to have sex but the relationship didnt work out long term.
Its all perception ......the problem is (more irony) that some people who share different beliefs will make unfair and uninformed opinions about you. Even today if you were to openly let everyone around you know that you have slept with MANY men they will unfairly assume you are a slut and might simply sleep with anything with a skirt..oops with slacks I mean.
Thanks
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 7:26 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Fact is, the risk of contracting various diseases is high no matter what, and the risk gets even higher as the frequency of occurrences/partners gets higher. Any moron knows that. Absolutely. I'm glad you know that.
Don't tell me you think I'm some kind of prude and/or sexually naive because... I've never suggested or told you that, no matter the reason.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 7:38 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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china, I should have clarified ..I wasn't referring to you when I made that statement...sorry.
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 10:53 PM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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If all that needed to be addressed was the double standard, the whole opening thread coulda been far shorter.
If he does NOT call you because you didnt do it with him, better for you. If he does, good luck to you. So what is the real point you would like to make? Double standards? thread's been done... sex on the first date? done Decent guys? done Bad ones? done
It's never good for double standards, and it doesn't just apply just to sex.
Sex on the first date? you want it, do it. Do it on the second if you want
If he's a "good guy" you think you'll see in a few weeks, again, good luck to you
What new info would you like? 
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 11:45 PM |
Having sex on the first date...
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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Ummm...I wasn't needing any "new info." Thread's been done? So what? I wasn't here to participate in that particular thread.
I was relating an experience that, at least for me, is a rarity, because so many men want to do it on the first date. I thought it was very nice to finally meet a man who had enough respect for himself and for me to take the initiative to NOT only not ask for sex, but to "insist" that it wasn't going to happen on the first date.
I have far more respect for him than I do for most men (and that isn't because I think sex on the first date is "wrong," necessarily, but ...it usually happens that the FEMALE is considered cheap if she does it on the first date and the male is considered the stud, so I thought it was a nice gesture on his part to make the statement about wanting to wait.
I didn't know that the only posts/threads a person could make here were those asking for advice. I don't need any advice; I'm quite capable of making sound, logical decisions on my own.
I was asking what people thought about the double-standard issue. If you've addressed that already, you should have just passed it up, I guess, and let those who haven't discussed it have their say.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 12:06 AM |
Having sex on the first date... |
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robodad
Posts: 7,823
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I never said a damn thing about screwing someone at the drop of a hat.
I don't have a hat but I have a beret (military)...would that do? 
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