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| Aug 3, 2006 @ 9:35 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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've not met many women who will admit to this,usually they'll say something like,"Why would I do that?I have no desire for another or else I would be with them." Many women feel this action to be tantamount to cheating and so very few men will openly admit to doing this too, for fear of mental (and maybe even)physical retribution from the SO's.
This need not be the case.Men are compartmentalizing creatures.The wife or gf we go home to may be our ideal life mate, but rest assured,there's an ex,a one night stand,exotic dancer or even hooker back there in the recesses of his male brain that files the imagery of past encounters.
Sexual excitement and love need not be so intertwined in the male brain that one can't exist without the other.The old gf from college, the one night stand from the bar back in the 80's may have had a pair of great tata's or really nice legs or something that burned into the old orgainic hard drive.
So, is it wrong to fantasize about another?How many of you do this?
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| Aug 3, 2006 @ 10:12 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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Women compartmentalize, too.
I have old boyfriends/encounters who sometimes conjure up fond memories, but, typically that's when I'm single. And the reason for this is because, if I'm in a relationship, and if I'm happy and am having my needs met, there's just no reason for me to think about another man.
It just doesn't occur to me to do that.
It's not that I don't do it because I think it's "wrong," per se...because, first of all, how can we help what thoughts occur to us?
But, if I found myself wistfully fantasizing a LOT, I'd have to do some serious introspection to find out just where my relationship was lacking to make me want to focus so much on someone else.
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| Aug 3, 2006 @ 10:28 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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robodad
Posts: 7,823
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It's pretty bad if you're fantasizing about another person while having sex with your SO.....it's....it's cheating. It's make-believe, but you are visualizing someone else when you're "doing it".
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| Aug 3, 2006 @ 10:33 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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GildedLion
Posts: 119
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I agree with Robodad.
I can't compartmentalize, never have been able to about anything, especially sex. But either way, at some moment, one would think of the various sexual encounters one has had, which is why I'm glad I'll never have anyone to compare to.
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| Aug 3, 2006 @ 10:43 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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It's pretty bad if you're fantasizing about another person while having sex with your SO.....it's....it's cheating. It's make-believe, but you are visualizing someone else when you're "doing it".
Oh, he meant while you're "doing it?" Geeez. Why would you want/need to do that?
Barfaroni.
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| Aug 3, 2006 @ 10:57 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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I agree, it is the same as cheating. Gee, if you so can't excite you enough to make you think of how she feels, her scent, the look in her eyes, the way she tastes and you have to think of some old flame, you better move on.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 12:36 AM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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Palomino
Posts: 7,635
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Never ever would I have been able to think about someone else when I was having sex. Who I'm with is DEFINITELY the only person on my mind.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 8:54 AM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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Actually Im with the ladies on this one, I dont fantasize about another while having sex with my SO, I just invite them in!
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 9:32 AM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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I dont fantasize about another while having sex with my SO, I just invite them in!
That's great as long as it's not Bubba, the 300lb ex con that gets invited in.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 10:43 AM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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it's not good to fantasise about another woman when having sex with your SO or whoever . This does happen SOMETIMES, well in my case, cuz of unconciousness, maybe reflex or simply cuz the sex is a bad one, I mean a terrible terrible one. you've gotta do something wrong every so often cuz it feels right.
ok in case of the bad sex, I just can't get off. what do you expect?....nothing but the naked truth.....thats me. I'm, sometimes, too honest to a fault. I get this a lot from people.
guys, lets own up.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 10:47 AM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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It's an intersting difference in groups of people.I posted this on two other sites and got completely different results.Many women freely admitted to having fantasies of other men and were qucik to say that it was NOT cheating.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 12:27 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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Thor I think more ppl do it than would readily admit. If you say YES that leaves you open for some psychoanalysis and cirticism if you say no or better yet nothing you dont have to worry about it.
On My fanstasy thread I asked if dreaming of pushing George Busch off a cliff makes you a killer?
Obviously the answer is a resounding NO!!!!!
But if you have a fanatasy about another person or a daydream or a sexual thought then somehow you or I are not happy with our SO or they are not fulfilling us or something is wrong with us.
Fact is ppl daydream about things and people all the time, some sexual some not sexual just becasue you have thought it once or twice doesnt mean there is something wrong with you or that you would even pursue it.
when it comes to sex there is a HUGE difference in perspective from person to person.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 12:43 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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I can fantasize when I'm alone but I've never been able to fantasize or pretend like the person I am with is someone else because they're not. They don't feel the same, sound the same, smell the same...I guess my imagination just doesn't stretch that far.
When I'm with someone they're the only person on my mind at that time, if I was thinking about someone else to me that would be sign that the person I was with wasn't satisfying me.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 1:11 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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On My fanstasy thread I asked if dreaming of pushing George Busch off a cliff makes you a killer? Obviously the answer is a resounding NO!!!!!
But if you have a fanatasy about another person or a daydream or a sexual thought then somehow you or I are not happy with our SO or they are not fulfilling us or something is wrong with us.
Fact is ppl daydream about things and people all the time, some sexual some not sexual just becasue you have thought it once or twice doesnt mean there is something wrong with you or that you would even pursue it.
Big stretch between "thinking about it once or twice" or having an occasional daydream and "fantasizing" about it, particularly if it's during the time you're making love to someone.
That's just completely unfathomable to me. It's rude and indicates, to me, anyway, "Well, I'd rather be with (whomever) so I'll close my eyes and pretend you're her/him."
How disgusting. Nothing wrong with having a "fantasy," but to use another person in order to help you have that fantasy? If I KNEW a guy was thinking about another woman while making love to me, I'd tell him to "not to let the door hit him on his ass on the way out."
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 1:27 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Thinking or fantasizing about having sex with another woman is fine, it is natural, but doing that thinking or fantasizing whilst you are in the middle of a sex act with your SO means that something is seriously wrong with your relationship. IMO.
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 3:04 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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crackerchickie
Posts: 448
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Hell I fantasize about my boyfriend while we're having one off! He's just that sexy. He's native, so I think about him breaking in and having the homesteaders wife.  He's a biker, so I think about him taking me away on his harley. He rides horses, so I fantasize about him taking me on a picnic and doing the nopants dance. 
Yup, who needs someone else when my current teacup warrior fills all the fantasies?
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| Aug 4, 2006 @ 4:52 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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Big stretch between "thinking about it once or twice" or having an occasional daydream and "fantasizing" about it, particularly if it's during the time you're making love to someone.
That's just completely unfathomable to me. It's rude and indicates, to me, anyway, "Well, I'd rather be with (whomever) so I'll close my eyes and pretend you're her/him."
How disgusting. Nothing wrong with having a "fantasy," but to use another person in order to help you have that fantasy? If I KNEW a guy was thinking about another woman while making love to me, I'd tell him to "not to let the door hit him on his ass on the way out
Point taken and since there are 2 threads on this i didnt feel like elaborating here. I actually echoe'd much of what you were saying including that daydreaming or fantasizing about something was normal , natural and I would say healthy..But obssessing over it is another matter.
LOL Its one thing to daydream about pixies and ogres its quuite another to look out your window and think the garbage truck is a dragon and your neighbor is the black Knight!!!!!!!!
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| Aug 5, 2006 @ 6:08 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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crowne
Posts: 80
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If Im with my SO then Im into her, but sometimes if I feel she's giving me "obligatory" sex instead of "desire" sex them I'll conjure up an old girlfriend or acquaintance. At least, Im not cheating on her. Wait until the Thought Police get here.
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| Aug 5, 2006 @ 7:09 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO
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candylily
Posts: 1,347
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The only person I think about when I'm having sex is the person that I'm with. I don't think I'm very sexual at all, but I'm extremely sensual and emotional so if I'm having sex, I can only think about the sensations at the moment, I notice how he is responding to me and how I'm feeling about him. Sometimes I'm thinking about what I really want to do to him next or what I want him to do to me. I don't even think about an orgasm because it's completely unimportant to me and only distracts me from enjoying whatever is happening right at that moment. (Yes, I know that's wierd, but it's how I am and it works for me.) I notice what he's doing with his mouth, what he's doing with his hands, how something else he has is responding , and how all of it makes me feel and respond. I notice the way he smells and tastes, the sounds of appreciation and excitement he is making and (hopefully) the look of lust in his eyes. I need that total connection at the moment. There's no room for anyone or anything else. Am I always into it that totally each and every time? Of course not, but if I'm not, I'm sure not thinking about anyone else either and I still like the sex even if it's a quickie because it's just a nice affirmation of our attraction to each other.
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| Aug 5, 2006 @ 7:15 PM |
Fantasizing about another person while having sex with SO |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Yes, I know that's wierd, but it's how I am and it works for me.
I don't think that's weird at all 
Um, maybe we're both weird  ...but know how to "savor" 
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