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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 1:09 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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guiltless
Posts: 57
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This was on MSN, thought it was interesting to share;
These are reasons that men hesitate to get married. Gotta say... They NAILED it.
Been there done that, got the T shirt and the child support payments to prove it. Just fuel for thought.
Reason 1: Men can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past. The men reported that meeting women is easy: at bars, through friends, at work, and on the Internet. Though men want to become friends with a woman before becoming seriously involved, casual sex, they said, is easy to come by.
Reason 2: Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. Men think living together is a good way to test out a marriage prospect. They also view living together as less risky than marriage. At the same time, the men in the study like the convenience of having a regular sex partner. And several said they appreciate the domestic benefits of cohabitation, and the ability to share expenses, but thought marriage unnecessary at this point in life.
Reason 3: Men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks. Men feel that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They also fear that an ex-wife will take financial advantage during settlement proceedings.
Reason 4: Men want to wait until they are older to have children. Although men understand that women worry about their biological clocks, they say they don't have to. And they don't want to be pressured into marriage by women who want marriage in order to have children.
Reason 5: Men fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. The men savor their freedom to enjoy hobbies, late nights out and freedom from extra financial burdens. They want to postpone absorbing extra responsibilities until they are on extra-solid footing in a number of areas.
Reason 6: Men are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet appeared. A soul mate, the men said, is a woman who accepts them just as they are and won't try to change them. The men said they don't want to settle for second-best. In some cases, the men even said they were living with a woman who was their version of a second-best partner. These men are continuing to hunt for the perfect soul mate.
Reason 7: Men face few social pressures to marry. Today's young men encounter few traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry. Some said they have been mildly teased from parents who want grandchildren, but most of the men said their parents are willing to help support them -- and even allow them to move back home -- until they are ready to marry.
Reason 8: Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children. Men said they feel badly if they establish a relationship with the children of a woman and then break up with the mother. They also want to avoid competition and conflict with the children's biological father. One man says that it is easier to date a woman with children if the father is entirely out of the picture.
Reason 9: They want to own a house before they get a wife. Men want to be financially "set" before they marry. For many men, this means home ownership should come before marriage. Most of the men interviewed are living with a parent, relative, roommates or girlfriends.
Reason 10: Men want to enjoy a single life as long as they can. Men fear losing their solitary pleasures by marrying, the study found. And they become accustomed to their own space and routines. They enjoy the freedom of not having to be responsible to anyone else.
Other Findings
The study also reached some additional conclusions. Among them:
Men believe it's best to become friends with a woman before asking her out on a date. Several said they are uncomfortable talking to strangers in bars and appreciate the benefits of a meaningful relationship that grows from friendship.
The men are generally opposed to having a romantic relationship with a woman who works in their place of employment.
The men want their wives to work outside the home. They think a wife who works will be a more interesting companion.
Though the support working wives, the men were less supportive of working mothers. The concensus among the men interviewed is that one parent should stay home or care should be provided by a relative.
The men were highly critical of divorce. But they feel that couples should break up if they fall out of love, even if kids are involved.
The men were not optimistic about the future of marriage as a lifelong commitment. They said people continue to change and grow and this makes it harder to stay married to one person for a lifetime.
What Men Are Saying
Here's the reaction we've received from men nationwide.
"You should have an article on why divorced men will not marry again. The responses would be very interesting. For example:
They've already been taken to the cleaners at least once by a prior wife.
If a woman has kids, she really has no use for a man. She's got the house, the BMW, the kids, and his support and alimony.
The women of today have taken the place of the man from yesteryear. They are today what they thought men were 40 years ago.
They run the risk of meeting a female divorce attorney.
I'm not bitter, just realistic."
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 1:36 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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countryboy69995
Posts: 653
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Wow I did alot of that and that is probably why I am living alone with no children, grandchildren, someone to wake up to in the morning etc.. But at my age it is getting really old fast. I tryed most of those things and I don't think they are the cool way to go about things for me any more.
I'm going to try doing things like grandma and grandpa did. I just need to look back and realize that the way lived and the way I'm trying to live like everyone else in todays world isn't the best route for me to take.
If I want to live a relationship superficially then I should expect exactly that in return and not wonder why I can't get the unconditional love I am looking for. I think what alot of people are afraid of today in a relationship is a sense of "responsibility" towards eachother. I've done that for to long and don't want to do it any longer. It has taken me 38 years to finally start growing up relationship wise. I think it is important to be honest what the two of us expect out of the relationship from the start so there is no hurt from either side down the road. Also keeping good comunication on feeling through the relationship is important. 
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 2:12 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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I knew that shouldnt have deleted the common law marriage
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 4:29 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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Like we really need MSN to tell us these things?Pretty obvious to me.
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 7:53 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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Strandedboarder
Posts: 440
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They're telling it to the women 
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 7:58 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Hmmmm, most of those things sound like the reasons WOMEN choose not to commit. 
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 8:17 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,615
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Yep Sunbabe - once again, we're not all THAT different!
I turned down alimony and took child support for one year, over 35 years ago. I've got the house, the convertible and the money, and raised the kids, by my own efforts.
If I want to go to Tahoe for a weekend of mayhem, no problem.
If I want to have the house painted, I call around for estimates.
If I want to stay up half the night posting on MD, kewl.
If I want to fly in a dogfight, I book it.
Cruise to Alaska? Same thing.
And most especially, when I want to buy a new car or house and they want to have my husband sign the papers, I can just bust a gut laughing!
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 10:15 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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wildflower.......right on!!!  The list goes on
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| Oct 19, 2006 @ 9:35 AM |
Men and Commitment issues
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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Thanks Sunbabe-- you are correct. Men and women are not so different after all. And for the reocrd, men are not the only ones that loses their ass in divorce.
Once divorced, we are all hesitant on marrying again. It is much simplier
to just live together. But then again some states still recognize common law
marriages. It is actually up to the two parties whether they want to make a big deal of it and go for the common law rights.
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| Oct 19, 2006 @ 11:32 AM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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donna65806
Posts: 5,127
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whether it is a man or woman you have to put the past in the past to start over again with a new relationship
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| Oct 19, 2006 @ 11:38 AM |
Men and Commitment issues
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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Men and women are not so different after all. And for the reocrd, men are not the only ones that loses their ass in divorce.
True,much depends on the state the divorce happens and the laws thereof,and the individual case.
However,on the average if you look at most divorce laws in the US and many other countries, many laws are still antiquated from the days when women couldn't own property,get a decent education or work a profitable job.
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| Oct 19, 2006 @ 5:48 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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So...that's why I'm still single. It's funny, I agree women have these same issues.
What's refreshing about the post is that people can stop blaming themselves for why they aren't in a relationship or why people choose to cheat on them.
Men do want to build a great friendship with the woman they get in a relationship with and with each failed relationship I think they get more and more cautious that's why they become more and more reluctant to open up again. Why can't women be that way, most of all tend to dive in head first and after six months we're heartbroken when the man is just starting to feel good about us, and they do want someone who is going to accept them for them, good and bad. Women want the same things...why don't men understand that. Also, when people are dating why don't they just say what they want instead of playing games.
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| Oct 28, 2006 @ 5:50 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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everrett
Posts: 471
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why don't men understand that. Also, when people are dating why don't they just say what they want instead of playing games.
For some reason I dont see many women going up to men saying "I want you to take care of me financially, read my mind to what I want in the bedroom and when I want it, do all the things I like, but still make me think you a strong man that I cant dominate" and expect to get the man that they want.
or many men walking up to women and saying "I want you to stay young and perky forever, be ready to give me sex at a drop of the hat, be impressed by whatever hobby I have (with all the prerequisite oohhs and aahhs), and never judge anything else that I do." and expect to get that girl.
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| Oct 29, 2006 @ 10:10 AM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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LavenderMoonlight
Posts: 553
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Hmm...well everette...I don't want a man to take care of me financially, read my mind to what I want in the bedroom...or when I want it, nor do what I want when I want...nor one I can dominate.
I'm a big girl...can take care of myself. I don't want them to read my mind about what I want in the bedroom or when I want it, I'm quite capable of expressing my desires. I am not into domination...would much rather have equality and mutual respect.
As for the man's comments...completely agree with you...although I do believe in supporting each others' hobbies...which doesn't require any oohhs or ahhss LOL...
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| Oct 29, 2006 @ 5:58 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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Tibert
Posts: 198
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For some reason I dont see many women going up to men saying "I want you to take care of me financially, read my mind to what I want in the bedroom and when I want it, do all the things I like, but still make me think you a strong man that I cant dominate" and expect to get the man that they want.
or many men walking up to women and saying "I want you to stay young and perky forever, be ready to give me sex at a drop of the hat, be impressed by whatever hobby I have (with all the prerequisite oohhs and aahhs), and never judge anything else that I do." and expect to get that girl.
Actually I did try honnesty and you maybe surprise to know that it does works. I think that one need to express his desire and requirements clearly and let the other know what they are. Women get horny too, they also have fantasies that they will be more than willing to express if you give them the opportunity.
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| Oct 29, 2006 @ 6:05 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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walking up to women and saying "I want you to stay young and perky forever, be ready to give me sex at a drop of the hat, be impressed by whatever hobby I have (with all the prerequisite oohhs and aahhs), and never judge anything else that I do."
That's "honesty"? And someone bought it? 
Well..I guess there IS somebody for everyone
What makes me giggle is that the OP who brought up "Men and Committment Issues" is...married! Methinks he dug deep to find justification for his straying. 
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| Nov 7, 2006 @ 4:35 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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Desserts
Posts: 335
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Woman, i love em. 
For me it is the soul mate thing.
In general though I think it is because of changes in society, women don't need men any longer. Read the female posts on this thread. In fairness men don't need wmen as they did either.
My opinion, I'm thinking of what one said about opinions in another thread, yes she was a she. Sorry, In my opinion it is not sex what is most important to a good man, being needed & relied upon is. History, we hunted for the food, we earned the money that bought the food, days of old when knights were bold.
A good person will act as expected if it fits their nature. Now, I am going to make a BaBa au rum. Oh ps. I am not photogenic, & don't have recent pics. & I am not here for sex or love unless she lives real close, should I post to be polite in that people can have an image of who they are talking with? It may be it is good I am not photogenic. some ladies may decide they may have a need for me. 
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| Nov 7, 2006 @ 4:43 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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Desserts
Posts: 335
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Ladies may decide they may have a need for me, a jok, I don't think I am all that good looking, sexy looking is another story. 
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| Nov 7, 2006 @ 4:44 PM |
Men and Commitment issues
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Strandedboarder
Posts: 440
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Hey I have no commitment issues...I'm not committing and I have no issue with that.
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| Nov 7, 2006 @ 7:03 PM |
Men and Commitment issues |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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^^^^  
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page:
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6
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8
9
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of 2 pages
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