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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 6:43 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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For years women have been telling me that I don't listen well.Been told that men have zero listening skills and they we just aren't "in tune" with what's going on,how they feel and the imporatances of anything else outside of our little male world are just lost on us.Well I suppose like other every guy I've been guilty of blowing off some of what another person has said,becuase my attention wandered off to more interesting things (such as the woman's cleavage or wondering whether or not she's shaved,trimmed or natural)a time or two,but I don't recall missing anything really life changing and drastic by my lack of attention to certain details.
Now my ex used to really ride my ass about this and she was always reading things into some of the things I said or did that simply wasn't there.She used to say that we men just weren't in tune to the "real" meaning or feelings of what was behind the words,that the tone of the voice or the look on a person's face often belied their words.While this may be true sometimes and it's always a good thing to be observant to such things as voice tone and body language,it's not an invisible polygraph.Unless you are Wonder Woman with the Lasso of Truth,there is no substitute for good listening skills and explicit verbal communication.
I suppose if men are guilty of not having good listening skills and not being "in tune" with feelings and such,women are equally as bad at reading things into words and actions that simply aren't there.Like in the thread about sex and relationships ("Are you really out anything"),I read several posts from women who said that they had been guilty of reading more into what was there,even when the guy was straight up with his intentions.I've personally experienced it where I've gone out with a woman,been upfront about not wanting a relationship,things get heated,we bump uglies and suddenly she's making wedding plans.I spoke plain English,she heard me in the language of wishful thinking.
So I would say that BOTH genders have problems with listening.Men don't listen enough,and are oblivious to some things,women have their "feelings radar" on 24/7 and tend to read too much into things.Bottom line:We BOTH suck and need to work on understanding our differences.
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 7:28 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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women are equally as bad at reading things into words and actions that simply aren't there.
A lot of people hear exactly what they want to hear period. 
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 7:43 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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Let me take this back to a psycology class I took years ago.
In a conversation, men will talk, and hear, about actions. In the same conversation, women will talk, and hear, about feelings and emotion.
So, if for example, a woman is talking to me about being locked out of her car, I'm hearing a problem (being locked out), and thinking of a sooution to the problem (jimmy the door, call a locksmith, etc). What she is going to be talking about is the frustration of being locked out, how she felt about it, etc. sharing her feelings about the experience, not looking for a solution to the problem. The bottom line, at least according to that class is that men hear different things than women do, even though the words may be the same.
Men look for problems to solve or actions to take.
Women share feelings.
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 8:08 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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Men look for problems to solve or actions to take.
Women share feelings.
Interesting.I've always heard of women being the problem solvers as they are the nurtures.
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 8:11 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Interesting.I've always heard of women being the problem solvers as they are the nurtures.
Everyone is different. I tend to be a nurturer but I've gotta have a place to start or something to work with.
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:05 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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Blondino
Posts: 4,553
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Listening is an aquired skill and can be taught and learned .... if you want to learn that it
oops sorry noone is listening to me 
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 4:44 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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julia143
Posts: 1,696
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I think it's called selective hearing?
Men hear only three words....
Beer
Sex
Football
anything else sounds like the peanuts...muaa..waa.muahhaaa haaam sex...
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 5:02 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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LovingRomantic
Posts: 321
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Good one Julia....  
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 5:09 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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unluckyinlofe
Posts: 61
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Julie
You have the listed i the wrong order:
Sat Night Sunday night Monday Tuesday--Friday
Beer Football Football Sex
Sex Beer Beer sex
Football Sex. Sex Beer & Football
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| May 1, 2008 @ 1:05 AM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,138
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Hm, interesting about the action thing.
My ex bf actually had hearing problems but one time he said that if he didn't understand what I was saying, instead of asking what I said or what I meant, he tuned it out entirely. I got so I would ask him to repeat back what I said to make sure he heard me if it was anything important I was saying. It was the only way to make sure there was no misunderstanding. He would always make up some ridiculous excuse otherwise for any problems that arose, always blaming me and would pretend I said something different.
He hated to ask any questions. No clue why. I eventually would write important stuff down. I knew later when he just didn't want to do something. He would refuse to write it down. That would have made him accountable.
I have hearing problems and understanding problems as well but I am not afraid to ask for clarification. I have had a couple men that would tell me I was making it up that I could not hear them. The first one was a real asshole. After the third time of his refusing to repeat what he said and making really stupid accusations, that was it. Done deal. No wonder his wife screwed him over.
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| May 3, 2008 @ 6:20 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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jamminjerry
Posts: 4,085
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talking skills are far more important than listening skills. i condem myself many times for not being able to communicate at "their" level. after all, if i am above them, was i not at their level before? we be jammin 
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| May 3, 2008 @ 6:27 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,138
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Hm, sounds like a winning hand, Jammin. 
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| May 3, 2008 @ 7:28 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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It's not just listening, in the feminism thread, most women had an emotional response where as the men were talking matter of factly.
And if women get an emotional response first, they start out in a defensive way.
And once they get there, it is difficult to diffuse it.
Many people put their insecurities out to filter what they read or hear. So it is distorted before it is even heard, let alone understood.
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| May 3, 2008 @ 10:41 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,138
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Yeah, Blu. Sad that. The hardest part is finding someone that will be honest. Someone that will put forth an effort to ask, 'What did you mean by Blah Blah?' and repeat back what you thought was said. This is how people find out what each other's filtering system is like.
Then once the people start seeing how the other person reads info given to them, you can change how you speak, how you reach out. No one wants to do that. I don't understand that. Am I all that different from the rest of the world that I am the only one that wants to attempt this?
This is why I remain adamantly single. I attempt communication and it gets ignored. I attempt to tell what I am up to, why I do and say what I do and it falls on deaf ears. Not just men either. Women do the same. Am I nuts? What is wrong with me that I have this powerful desire to attempt this grandiose plan? Go ahead, just shoot me and put me out of my fkn misery. I think I am just tired of this insane planet.
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| May 3, 2008 @ 10:48 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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signme
Posts: 12,578
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Spirit I don't think you are alone in this. I also tried to change so communications would work better with the ex. But he claimed he never remembered what I said or what he said he would do! I think communication is the most important part of a relationship. As you age and the sex drive diminishes, good communication and understanding becomes much more important. JMO
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| May 3, 2008 @ 10:50 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,138
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| May 3, 2008 @ 11:04 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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signme
Posts: 12,578
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I know--you're crying over the diminishing sex drive, right??
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| May 3, 2008 @ 11:13 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,138
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No, unfortunately, the reverse is true. I just am at the giving up point.
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| May 3, 2008 @ 11:21 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences
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signme
Posts: 12,578
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I think we all reach that point sooner or later, then something happens to restore our faith in the opposite sex. Then something happens to reduce the faith, then something happens to restore......you get the idea! I'm in the midway point between the reduction and the restoration. 
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| May 4, 2008 @ 12:05 AM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,138
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It is not the opposite sex. It is so MANY of the people here on the planet. I am just tired. Ignore my bs.
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