|
page:
<<
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
>>
of 1 pages
|
< previous page | next page >
|
| Mar 16, 2007 @ 11:55 AM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils?
|
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
Been going through these threads on sex with committment vs. sex without committment.The general conclusion is that men and women seek sex differently due to biological and environemntal social differences.Women want committment with sex,men just want sex(yes,this is a generalization).
Women get frustrated with men and say,"If the guy doesn't want committment,he should just go hire a prostitute".I say,fine,OK.Legalize and destigmatize it(and make it reasonably affordable for the working man) and let's encourage these guys who don't want to commit,to go hire these proffessionals.
Yet,in the western man's social circles,hiring a hooker is seen as something less of a "manly" thing to do.It's kind of like the "s lut" stigma women get if they screw around without a monoagamous committment.Men in general tend to look at the man hiring the hooker as something of a desperate loser.What's much more respected and revered in male circles is the stud man who makes many conquests,the guy who can turn on the charm and within a matter of hours have the woman in bed.When the woman is jilted after being "used",the peers will often laugh at this while giving Mr. Stud Man the high five.
So ladies,which one in lesser evil?The man who can charm women into bed and thus leave a trail of broken hearts or the desperate loser that hires the hooker?
|
|
  |
|
| Mar 16, 2007 @ 12:00 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils? |
|
dooney123
Posts: 3,511
|
There are some women who are interested in casual sex and some who are not. The thing to do is be honest about it up front so that men and women who are looking for the same things can find each other. Just don't pretend like you are romantically interested in a woman just to get sex; that's when it becomes a problem.
|
| |
|
| Mar 16, 2007 @ 12:21 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils?
|
|
Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
|
When the woman is jilted after being "used",the peers will often laugh at this while giving Mr. Stud Man the high five.
I think that kinda went away after high school? Maybe it's just the older woman's perspective here, but at least my experience is that men AND women tend to be a little more empathetic towards each other after we've all been there and done that ourselves.
Dooney's got it, no matter what the surveys say, there are plenty of women around who are quite happy to skip the commitment thing if they can get honesty and consideration (oh, and obviously a man who knows how to charm them, both in and out of bed). And the last survey I read showed there were more men looking for marriage than women.
(That said though, I'm in favor of legalization of prostitution)
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 16, 2007 @ 1:05 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils? |
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
I think that kinda went away after high school?
For mature folks,yes,but it still happens and if you doubt it,have a look at many of the forum threads written by jilted women on this and other sites.Singles bars still do pretty well and guys like David DeAngelo are still getting rich selling books and CD's about seduction.
there are plenty of women around who are quite happy to skip the commitment thing if they can get honesty and consideration (oh, and obviously a man who knows how to charm them, both in and out of bed).
True,but the majority of these women,if you are to judge from profiles on adult sites and FWB sites,they will generally prefer a man to be sexually exclusive to them.They usually state this is for safety reasons (STD's).A monogamous committment by another name.The whoremonger or player wants variety.The whoremonger wants multiple sex partners without having to work for it,the player wants the "chase and kill".
And the last survey I read showed there were more men looking for marriage than women.
That's a practical life goal.Marriage and monogamy in general have survived over the millenia for the same reason that a soap bubble is round.It's just efficient and works.Yet the inborn instincts in men(multiple sex partners,variety) is a product of evolution and social conditioning the same way the woman's inborn for monogamy and committment are (Propogation and nurturing of the species).
|
| |
|
| Mar 16, 2007 @ 2:14 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils?
|
|
Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
|
a product of evolution and social conditioning the same way the woman's inborn for monogamy and committment are (Propogation and nurturing of the species).
I'm not convinced it's inborn as much as conditioned. I think you'll find that as society changes in its attitudes towards single-parent households, the 'inborn' drive for commitment wanes. Just from my own experience, there was a strong drive for commitment until I'd actually had my children (i.e. legitimatized them), which has since pretty much totally disappeared.
By commitment though, I think we need to be a bit more specific - I think of it as lifetime. Exclusivity on a renewable basis is a whole 'nuther thing.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 16, 2007 @ 6:01 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils? |
|
candylily
Posts: 1,347
|
Using your definition of commitment (a lifetime), Heaven, I'm not sure I want that either. It sounds too scary. Thor's definition of casual sex (sex with multiple partners) is what I mean when I say it. I don't consider an exclusive sexual relationship casual sex even though I may not expect or even want it to last.
The lesser of two evils? Charming a woman into bed pretending he cares about her and acting like she's the only one or being honest and hiring a hooker? That's a tough one because I feel that for a woman to be able to survive as a hooker she has to be very damaged emotionally already. Maybe it seems more honest, but I can't imagine that hookers don't secretly wish they had someone who cared about them for more than their bodies just like other women do. I think the temptation to be a hooker and the ability to keep doing it can only come from the belief that no one will ever really love them for themselves. It's still an abuse of women even though they're agreeing to their downward spiral of self-destructive behavior. On the other hand, if a guy is only interested in sex, the woman may as well get paid since it's not that enjoyable if you have to shut down emotionally to keep from having any kind of feelings. It might as well be a business transaction.
|
| |
|
| Mar 17, 2007 @ 6:06 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils?
|
|
dark_moon
Posts: 158
|
Fortunately these views have become more and more generational, and as the younger generation turns the tides these misguided ideas will die off. When all else is equal there is not the difference in what men and women want sexualy. But for generations social restraints on women and outlandish allowances for men have colored our true natures. When women have the same sexual freedoms men have, and men are freely used for sex and tossed asside, men have different attitudes and feelings about sex. In any situation, it is always going to be the injured party who complains. This has nothing to do with biology, only social differences.
There is no lesser evil here. If a man screws every woman he can, or if he goes to prostitutes, it makes no difference. Either way is is a useless slut and does not deserve the respect of any decent woman.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 17, 2007 @ 6:30 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils? |
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
I'm not convinced it's inborn as much as conditioned. I think you'll find that as society changes in its attitudes towards single-parent households, the 'inborn' drive for commitment wanes. Just from my own experience, there was a strong drive for commitment until I'd actually had my children (i.e. legitimatized them), which has since pretty much totally disappeared.
I know a scientist on another site who says that's biochemically driven.She says that committment based attitudes with strong monagamy based values is higher in societies where high birth rates are encouraged and populations are low,such as in the old days in agrarian communities where more children meant more help on the farm.Yet in more urban areas where larger numbers of people are crammed into smaller areas,the desire to populate wanes and sexual mores loosen.She links this to the production of chemicals in the brain which change as people's needs change.Your own experience bears this out.Before your pregnancy,you said there was a strong desire for committment.The inborn female urge for child bearing and nurturing is driven by such chemicals as oxytocin.When the kids are out of the nest,the chemicals subside with age and emotional drives change.
This scientist says that she has experimented with her own biochemistry by the intake af certain supplements and compunds and thus altered her own emotional drives.
Better living through chemistry I suppose.
I think the temptation to be a hooker and the ability to keep doing it can only come from the belief that no one will ever really love them for themselves
I would be really careful about a generalization like that.I've known high end call girls,dancers,strippers and porn stars who from my casual and professional aquaintance seemed anyway to have very high self value and esteem.Indeed many of them had a very diva like personna with an "It's all about me" attitude.Ever seen a casting call in an LA porn production studio or for a "Girls Gone Wild" shoot?There are no sleazy guys trying to lure them in from the shadows,these women compete with one another to get into these things.To them the desire to do what they do is the appeal of instant gratification....I want X and I want it now and if I have to do Y to get it,then damn it,I'm gonna be the best at it".Many of these women came from decent middle class,middle America high moral value backgrounds.So it's not all about the abused or battered woman who has beaten down by the men in her life and she has learned this way of life as survival.Not to say that doesn't exist or diminish the responsibility of the creeps who abuse women or to belittle they're suffering,but it's not that cut and dry,black/ white.
|
| |
|
| Mar 17, 2007 @ 8:22 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils?
|
|
everrett
Posts: 471
|
There are some women who are interested in casual sex and some who are not. The thing to do is be honest about it up front so that men and women who are looking for the same things can find each other. Just don't pretend like you are romantically interested in a woman just to get sex; that's when it becomes a problem. This is spot on when it comes to relationships.
As to prostitudes, it seems like having sex while playing russian rolette with a loaded gun. Who cares what anyone else thinks, just dont play games with your health.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 17, 2007 @ 11:30 PM |
Ladies:Which is the lesser of evils? |
|
painter007
Posts: 17,853
|
oh go hire a hooker and learn as much as you can........that way if you leave at least we will be very satisfied.....
|
| |
|
|
|
page:
<<
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
>>
of 1 pages
|
< previous page | next page >
|
|