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| Apr 13, 2007 @ 10:47 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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remind
Posts: 3
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I am trying to understand the concept of hooking up and how common it is in today, particularly in the college setting. I realize there is lots of drinking and sexual activity in college, but I guess I didn’t realize to what extent.
I was never one to hook up. I preferred relationships and have only been with a few women. I never lived at college, but my girlfriend did for 4 yrs. She has had "sex" with 2 guys before me. But her definition of sex is different than mine. She only considers vaginal intercourse sex. I guess I'm old fashioned, but I would consider oral sex and anal sex to be sex, and naked dry humping and any hand usage/penetration to qualify as sexual activity, too (though more of a grey area, I guess). She considers that stuff "hooking up" or "fooling around". She said she hooked up about 10-12 times in college, sometimes with friends of hers, sometimes with people she met a few hours before. So I was a definitely a little surprised by what she told me.
So I guess I have a couple of questions:
Is sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse considered sex by most people?
How common is this behavior among college women today?
Is 10-12 "hook-ups" (oral sex, sexual touching, naked dry humping) over a 4 yr period a high/low/normal amount for college women? (Should I be concerned that my girlfriend can’t even recall the exact amount?)
Am I being naive to think that most women (in college or otherwise) don't have this many experiences by their mid-twenties?
I don’t mean to focus only on women’s behavior, because I am sure men do it just as often. I guess I am just trying to understand my girlfriend’s concept of hooking up and whether her behavior is typical of most college women.
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| Apr 13, 2007 @ 11:37 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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remind
Posts: 3
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oops, sorry, double post
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 2:16 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,464
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Is sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse considered sex by most people?
I sure hope so. Simply thinking of sex as purely defined by intercourse is such a narrow view of human sexuality.
There is a thing called "outercourse" and it's all the other activities you've already described and more.
The questions you're asking about in relationship to how common hooking up is in college and how it is defined by college students are questions that you would need to try to learn about by research studies I suppose (if there are any).
It sounds to me like you are very bothered by the type of sexual experiences your girlfriend has had and the number of experiences she has had. It also sounds to me that you are concerned as to whether or not you can trust your girlfriend right now given her view of what constitutes sexual activity and what constitutes simply "hooking up" or "fooling around."
If she doesn't view either one of those things as sexual activity, are you concerned she is cheating on you under the guise of these other activities?
Maybe it's time to have a direct conversation with your girlfriend about your questions, fears and worries?
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 6:13 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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theobono
Posts: 2,111
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I was talking to this 20 year old....yeah we did...labor day weekend 2006.... and she candidly admitted to having sex with 37 men.... My first thought was that scene in CLERKS  .....the one between Dante and his girlfriend.... " You've sucked 39 dicks?" see the movie....
I bet you can find the answers in the Kinsey report.... good movie too
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 6:49 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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MortisDruss
Posts: 1,123
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When I first start hitting singles sites I actually had to use The Google to find out what "NSA" and "FWB" meant....
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 8:49 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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what do they mean
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 8:57 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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sthnhylander
Posts: 3,521
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what...you don't know..
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 11:01 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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MortisDruss
Posts: 1,123
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NSA = No Strings Attached
FWB = Friends With Benefits
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 6:45 PM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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Sounds to me she is trying to make excuses, because if a aggressive guy threw her on the bed and started to go down on her or started to feel her up,( and she kept saying no ) she wouldn't call the police to report "a guy just hooked me up "
Whats good for the goose is good for the gander, making excuses, and re-defining words doesn't change what happened. If her friend was raped, and he twisted a bunch of her friends words around to get out of it, she would be pissed as hell. Or, if she one day has a daughter, and some guy "hooks up" with her daughter as a young teenager, I'm sure her definitions will change to suit her charges against the young man. I really don't think what she did in college is bad, just her view about it. She sounds very immature, and can rationalize any bad behavior to suit her needs.
Btw- Is she planning on being a lawyer by chance? Cuz that would explain a lot....... 
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 7:16 PM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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Not very common at all now that I'm older and wiser. 
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 11:46 PM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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I hear ya Di, and it sucks, I mean, shouldn't we be able to have a little fun now that we are older, sometimes life seems backwards. Why can't we be serious in our youth, and crazy and carefree when we get old.....? 
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| Apr 20, 2007 @ 11:56 PM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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Shoot, I don't think I've ever been crazy and free like that. I guess cuz I was the oldest child and had an overly developed sense of responsibility. Darn! Maybe it's time to cut loose!! 
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:04 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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I've never been crazy and free like that, either. Well....I'm not sure I would consider it "free" to be like that, but I've never been "crazy"....and I'm the oldest as well, but I don't think that has anything to do with it.
I think it has everything to do with the values instilled in you - by seeing them modeled by those that are molding you - and quite honestly, I'm just not wired that way! And it suits me just fine. I've gotten to where I like myself a whole lot, and have no desire to be anyone but me.....not even someone that can be "crazy and free".....
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:16 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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Well Jester, I DID get 2 tattoos after I hit 50. That may be the extent of my cutting loose! 
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:23 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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Okay, I'm being quite serious now - for a change. This is something that has always confused me. WHY did you want to get tattoos?????? I'm really curious.
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:27 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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A friend of mine, female, kept saying how she wanted to get one. I kept thinking about it and finally when I went home to visit my sister, decided to get one. It was very small and in a place you probably won't see it unless I'm at the pool. I liked it so much that the next time I went to see Sis, I got a bigger one on my ankle. Both are cats, very nice. I have designed one more that I want to get but not sure when that will be.
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:38 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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What is it that people like about those things that causes them to get them, though. I mean, it's not like you can put on your favorite piece of jewelry, for example, and wear it for the evening, then go home and take it off.....these things are PERMANENT! (unless you're Michael Jackson and can afford that much bleach, I suppose!) I'm sorry, but it's something that I've thought about quite a bit, and....well....I just don't get it. Help???
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:41 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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I guess I was at a point in my life where I wanted to do something different. I know they are permanent but at this point I have thought it through. It didn't hurt as much as people said either. I guess I can't really say why I wanted to do it, just that I needed to do something out of character and this surely was.
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 12:59 AM |
How common is "hooking up"?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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I work for a University, and get to read the student newspaper every week. This hooking up thing is very common, and they even have a columnist in the paper who writes a sex advice column, and she has often written about hooking up. Th e important points are:
1. Wear rubbers
2. Don't be too drunk.
3. Don't screw your friend's boyfriends.
4. Sex is just for fun, don't expect anything more, and don't do the same guy repeatedly.
5. Group sex is ok, but gang bangs are tacky.
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 1:06 AM |
How common is "hooking up"? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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WOW! That is incredible! Definitely NOT the post-secondary education I RECEIVED!!!!
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