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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 1:01 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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tulip717
Posts: 1,665
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1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the
erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying
to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly
passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you
girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and
blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th
birthday cake. That hurts.
3. NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your
chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs.
When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's
avoidance.
4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon
for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and
smooth them. (This may vary from girl to girl).
5. BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then
clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts?
Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and
suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending
they're a doggie toy isn't. (this may vary)
6. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the
nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio
station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the
exclamation points.
7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with
just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel.
There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as
you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some
attention and when she's laying there, it means kiss her all over!
8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt
region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to
be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's
responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so
gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11. STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they
left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you
can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she
will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head.
Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her
panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and
yanking it back and forth is not.
14. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the
clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's
all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff
stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're
not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay
more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first,
then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual,
relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay;
elbows and knees are not. Lotion and oils always help!
16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before
she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if
it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at
his worst. Lose the socks first.
18. GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the
worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool
-she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your
technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
(this varies)
19. GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her
thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding
concentrated into a few seconds. From time to time, this is great, but
sometimes a girl wants to be made love to, not f*cked.
20. CUMMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before
you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to
ensure her pleasure too. It isn't just about you.
21. NOT CUMMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an
hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more
likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall
hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing
Marathon Man.
22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most
women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23. PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a
saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on
gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24. NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's
eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to
mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's ab
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 1:11 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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peachylisa
Posts: 1,810
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  thanks tulip
need to know info 
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 1:38 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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Actually I thought the rules were pretty good. I need to get the b/f to read them.
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 6:01 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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funny .... and frighteningly true too 
I am going to print them off .............
18. GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the
worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool
-she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your
technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
(this varies)
lol made me laugh out loud
22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most
women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
my pet hate ... hello Dumbo you mean you cant tell 
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 8:40 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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tulip717
Posts: 1,665
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hello
sign
and
blond
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 9:43 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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STIILL LAUGHING ABOUT STUFFING BANK NOTES UP A CHIMNEY
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 10:24 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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1. NOT KISSING FIRST. A properly passionate peck on the cheek and a boob grope is all she might need for foreplay.
2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Some guys use blow up dolls.
3. NOT SHAVING. Shaved Pubes is the way to go.
4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Real boobs please, fakies are out. 
5. BITING HER NIPPLES. Some people refer to sex as desert....I'll have chocolate chips please.
6. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. I don't like hick music..... dammm, wheres the R&B station?
7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. I promise to avoid the poop factory.
8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. I don't want to get tied down, there's no fun in that.
9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Another kiss on the cheekie before goodbye.
10. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Is it a weapon of mass destruction? 
11. STOPPING FOR A BREAK. A glass of water from time to time is not a bad idea.
12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Ripping clothes off is pretty kinky..
13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Hmmm, that's a new one.
14. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Keeping nude pictures pinned up around your house is what I might consider to be an obsession, being horney is a different catagory.
15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. It shouldn't be done the same night as sex, it's a distraction.
16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. It's best to get naked quickly and jump into bed.
17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. I kick my shoes off first.
18. GOING TOO FAST. Who's timing?
19. GOING TOO HARD. "If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her
thigh or stomach"  No thanks, I'll pass on the t.v. wrestling thing.
20. CUMMING TOO SOON. It's natures plan if that happens.
21. NOT CUMMING SOON ENOUGH. Too tired from work, exercise.
22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. Why?
23. PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. This is something that should probably be asked about.
24. NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. see #23, if she doesn't ask, then the guy is probably hinting at what will please him the right way, because her technique is probably terrible or too weak.
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 10:49 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,311
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At least buy some intriguing wall
hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing
Marathon Man.
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 10:56 AM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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lazareth
Posts: 1,083
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# 6 ,  ,
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 1:27 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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waterfire
Posts: 2,923
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Should I write this chit down???? 
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 2:24 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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Missy_21484
Posts: 30
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This is soo0o0o0 true... guys take a lesson!!!!!!!!!!
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 2:30 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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right it down and think of this thread as a learning turorial ...knowledge is power right ????
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 3:08 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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Loreli
Posts: 20,311
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The real number one:
Get some
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 3:31 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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lj450
Posts: 8,409
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Rules schmooles!!
Lets just get it on!!!!
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 4:23 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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NatGoat
Posts: 4,213
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tulip . . .
Any Plans . . . for the next - several - Dozen - Years . . . ???
. .  -  - . . .
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 4:51 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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tulip717
Posts: 1,665
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oh my Nat 
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 5:52 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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waterfire
Posts: 2,923
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Biggest rule I have when a woman decides to bed me is:
Don’t say anything stupid
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 6:22 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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tulip717
Posts: 1,665
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Biggest rule I have when a woman decides to bed me is:
Don’t say anything stupid
*************************************************
that would prolly be your best bet water!
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 6:31 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE
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daisy315
Posts: 4,337
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if my ex had read these rules.. he probably wouldn't be my ex.. 
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| Jun 18, 2007 @ 6:52 PM |
RULES FOR NOOKIE |
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tulip717
Posts: 1,665
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2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you
girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and
blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th
birthday cake. That hurts.
hate that!
hello daisy
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page:
<<
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of 4 pages
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< previous page | next page >
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