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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 2:49 AM |
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oppositeview
Posts: 692
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Is it possible for two long time friends to become lovers?
There has been flirtation in the past. There has never been any sex. There has been "sleepovers". This question has come from her, while I have thought it, she has verbalized it. I'm confused, and torn.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 4:12 AM |
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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Is it possible for two long time friends to become lovers? If you did become intimate, would it be impossible for either of you to continue to think of the other as a friend? If the friendship would remain intact, it's not only possible-I would tend to think it's preferable!
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 4:51 AM |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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That's called "friends with benefits", and it works for SOME people, not everyone. If you both want to be just friends and have sex, it will work. If one of you has romantic feelings and is just using the "FWB" to get closer to the other, it's not going to work for you.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 5:24 AM |
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ByronicHero
Posts: 41
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A friend with benefits should be a lover. If there's really a friendship and an attraction, why isn't there a relationship?
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 5:56 AM |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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It depends what's keeping you apart? If you have both had feelings the other could be more than a friend, romantically, it could work. If you know it could never be more than sex, for at least one of you, someone is gonna get hurt. Of course once the person who brought it up gets rejected, they'll feel hurt anyway, but not as badly as if they were used.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 10:09 AM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Ok, you thought it, she said it, so it's on both of your minds.
You should discuss whether your friendship can remain intact if the sex isn't what you both want or need after you do it.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 10:33 AM |
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Bluebonnet72
Posts: 2,832
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That's called "friends with benefits", and it works for SOME people, not everyone. If you both want to be just friends and have sex, it will work. If one of you has romantic feelings and is just using the "FWB" to get closer to the other, it's not going to work for you. I agree........
this happened to me when I was 18....I didn't agree and frienship immediately ended
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 11:31 AM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,662
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this is one topic that I have not been very vocal on.. but I always wonder how "friends" can keep this on a friendly level??
seems to me that if it is "good" for both of them..why would at least one of them if not both..want the other to "do it" with anyone else?
and if it isn't all that good... why keep on doing it?
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 11:36 AM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Exactly
I never understood the friends with benefits idea, except between 2 people who ABSOLUTELY want no attachment.That's their choice. OK.
But if you are friends first, great ones at that, and have been when there was no sex involved, MY hope would be sex would put a relationship on a higher level than just friends.
JMO
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 11:37 AM |
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DJ1024
Posts: 156
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ask her, is she interested in moving your relationship in a new direction or a FWB type thing
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 1:50 PM |
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your_princess
Posts: 3,389
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Is it possible for two long time friends to become lovers? of course its possible, why wouldnt it? just be prepared that your friendship may not be the same if it doesnt work out as "lovers".
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 2:32 PM |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 7,508
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I SORT OF understand the "friends with benefits" concept. You're friends. You're both currently unattached romantically (hopefully) and not having sex, and it would be nice to find a way to fulfill that particular need (?) with someone you're comfortable with, but without any pressure. Call up the other and say, "Hey, I'm bored, not doing anything and a little horny. How about you?" It's just another "fun activity" you can share with a friend. IF you can both keep it on that level. I suppose it especially works for younger people in career building stages of their lives where they don't want to devote a lot of time to relationship building or starting a family, but, as I said, kind of taking care of that basic need. But both would have to be cognizant of the fact that basically what they are doing is just "using" each other to take care of fulfilling a physical desire. There are a lot of opportunities for problems to arise around all the same issues that affect every sexual relationship, as well as additional problems of possible jealousy, etc. One might feel abandoned as a friend if a situation arose where one said, "Oh, no, I don't think I can do that anymore. I met somebody," but they still haven't.
But I guess it can work with the right participants.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 3:25 PM |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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Is it possible for two long time friends to become lovers? Sure, just as it is possible for two life long friends to decide not to be lovers. Oh and the hows long and what kind of questions helps too.
My suggestion, you already know the definition of your friendship. Atlease I hope so, and it seems to be agreed. So what are you both honestly looking for to come out of the next step? Does it stop at being lovers? Is one wanting nothing more while one is hoping it leads to others? Being with my bestestest of all best friends in my own goal. Hopefully for me that comes true. Whats Important is that you and that person you are in a relationship with, are in agence, generally happy. Are you both geting what you want from the other person? Are you willing are they willing to walk away and remain friends. Walking in without gathering more info and insights would be the worst of mistakes.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 3:52 PM |
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,101
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And then there's the question of what if you DO NOT move into the sexual aspect of the relationship... will you always be wondering what it would have been like?
Tough decision...best to talk it through before making any moves.
Good luck 
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 3:57 PM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Another aspect...
I had a wonderful male friend for 8 years. We hung out, discussed our problems, had a few sleepovers (separate rooms) at my house.
When he brought up being frustrated after going through all the "other women besides friends", I just was not attracted to him that way, and our friendship went to heck.
So...be careful what is important.
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| Jan 6, 2008 @ 7:38 PM |
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oppositeview
Posts: 692
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Good points all. I'm not going to press for anything. If it happens, then it'll happen naturally.
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| Jan 7, 2008 @ 6:29 AM |
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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They say that is the best of relationship and makes the best marriages.
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| Jan 7, 2008 @ 7:46 AM |
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theobono
Posts: 2,111
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definately ..well put Bev 
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| Jan 7, 2008 @ 12:23 PM |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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your best friend....can be your best lover and mate.......jmo
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| Jan 7, 2008 @ 12:51 PM |
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oppositeview
Posts: 692
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I *think* that was why my friend was mulling it over. She's had real bad luck for the last year in her dating life. Even when she knows it's a ridiculous, she still goes out with them... more than twice!
The latest guy she calls Mr. Smarmy. 
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page:
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of 2 pages
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