| Feb 5 @ 6:36 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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This is a what if question, it did NOT happen to me, so you horndogs forget about searching for my SO's porno....
Suppose you are in a serious relationship with someone, commited to her. You believe her to be very morally upright, conservative, and perhaps even a bit prudish. Just the way you expect a lady to be.
While you are fooling around on the internet, you run across an amature porn video that your SO did several years ago, when she was with another dude. It's her, no mistaking that, and she's doing her ex and another guy every way you can think of, oral, anal, DP, you name it. What do you do?
Confront her about it?
Ignore it?
End your relationship ?
Demand to know why she isn't doing you like she is those guys in the video?
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| Feb 5 @ 6:47 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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Laidback742
Posts: 3,424
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Digging into peoples backgrounds isn't always beneficial ..... maybe the way its brought up would determine how its discussed and if it would really do either one of them any good to open it up, but sometimes letting sleeping dogs lie is the best policy.
And if someone is in a serious relationship, they shouldn't be checking out porn stuff.
Just my .02 cents.
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| Feb 5 @ 7:12 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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Empath
Posts: 5,094
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And if someone is in a serious relationship, they shouldn't be checking out porn stuff.
Even if they're in a LDR and only see their SO every few months or so? Don't most guys check out porn stuff, regardless of their commitment status, be it online or mags??? 
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| Feb 5 @ 7:15 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Yeah, and the really good guys share the porn with their SO's.
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| Feb 5 @ 7:25 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,637
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Digging into peoples backgrounds isn't always beneficial
Amen...I learned that lesson.
So you think they are a bit prudish and then you get a surprise? Hey...wouldn't you be kind of glad? I mean...as long as it's in the past...at least you would know that they are open to trying new things. 
But yeah...ask them about it. And then re-enact it. 
And nothing wrong with porn as long as you don't NEED it when you are physically with your SO.
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| Feb 5 @ 7:36 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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Empath
Posts: 5,094
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 to both!!
Hi CiW baby!!!! 
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| Feb 5 @ 7:43 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,637
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Hey baby girl!!!! I miss you.  
Yeah...I'm an emotional wreck!
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| Feb 5 @ 7:43 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Mention porn, and CW ALWAYS shows up.
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| Feb 5 @ 7:48 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,637
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I have my priorities.
I mean come on....have you ever had anyone send you personal stuff? 
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| Feb 5 @ 8:00 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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No, and please don't send me any of your pornos CW, I'm a happily engaged man. Now brownies, that's something else....
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| Feb 5 @ 8:12 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Digging into peoples backgrounds isn't always beneficial ..... maybe the way its brought up would determine how its discussed and if it would really do either one of them any good to open it up, but sometimes letting sleeping dogs lie is the best policy.
The thing is, if you found it, other people can too. Suppose you marry her, and then someone finds it and starts passing it around? Do you want people asking you "isn't that your wife in this video that's going around?"
Personally, I'd just say "yes, and I'm the one getting that fine ass, not you. Are you jelaous?" But most guys would freak, or be embarrassed.
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| Feb 5 @ 8:16 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,637
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I think he's saying that what you find my blow all of your belief systems out of the water. That it causes you to doubt everything that you know to be good....real...in your relationship. It causes you to see everything in a different light. And in the end....your the only one who gets hurt.
Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.
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| Feb 5 @ 8:38 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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I disagree CW, if you find something like that, you're always going to wonder "what else is she hiding?" That's why knowing about someone's past is so important, so that there can't be surprises like that. I made sure Emmy knows all about all the rotten and perverted stuff I've done in the past, and she told me about hers, which didn't have any rotten and perverted stuff, but she still told me, so that in the future if some wise ass wants to start trouble, we can just say, "yeah, I know about that, so F. O. A.!"
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| Feb 5 @ 8:57 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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Empath
Posts: 5,094
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Total honesty can be tough, depending on your history and personality, but I can vouch for the reward... complete trust.
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| Feb 5 @ 9:23 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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Just the way you expect a lady to be.
Who said?
And on topic - yell, scream, and guilt trip like she would were the situation reversed.
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| Feb 5 @ 9:33 AM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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So, if it didn't happen to you, did it happen to Emmy? just kidding.
I have to agree with the total trust, total revelation theory. Always best to hear it from your SO rather than second hand. Which not only can hurt, it can humiliate.
No secrets.
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| Feb 5 @ 9:35 AM |
You found her porno - now what?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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so you horndogs forget about searching for my SO's porno....
Touch, why did you have to ruin my fantasy so fast!!!  
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| Feb 5 @ 12:28 PM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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lj450
Posts: 8,409
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What if you recognize the men in the video also? Like two of your best friends (who never bothered to say anything to you about it).
Or even worse......you recognize her boss, or her uncle or something.
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| Feb 5 @ 1:01 PM |
You found her porno - now what?
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,818
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perhaps she made the video just on a wild impulse and then felt ashamed of it...maybe that's why she wouldn't tell her SO..she wanted to forget about it. He should ask her about it and then accept what ever answer she gives and then let it die.
What was done in the past should stay there unless the other person feels it necessary to tell her/his current SO... be prepared to handle a variety of emotions should you deem it important to spill your guts about past deeds.
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| Feb 5 @ 3:58 PM |
You found her porno - now what? |
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sweetsongs17
Posts: 368
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Suppose you are in a serious relationship with someone, commited to her. You believe her to be very morally upright, conservative, and perhaps even a bit prudish. Just the way you expect a lady to be.
While you are fooling around on the internet, you run across an amature porn video that your SO did several years ago, when she was with another dude. It's her, no mistaking that, and she's doing her ex and another guy every way you can think of, oral, anal, DP, you name it. What do you do?
I would in a kind and loving way confront her about it. Its based on a couple of things.
In this situation indicates a serious relationship, that would require openness and honesty about who you are now and where you came from, including past mistakes. If you post anything on the internet, its open game to anyone to look at including him. She should have spoke to her serious relationship about it before hand, but thats water under the bridge.
I would also reflect on your own opinion on how you feel about the posting. I would think something this important if not address could fester into further problems if not brought out in the open. You'll have your answers then and you can take it from there.
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