| Mar 18 @ 9:47 AM |
Withholding sex??
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,643
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cool!!! So guys, it's now alright to withhold money and credit cards 
smacks self.... That's right...today's woman is independent and needs nothing....
Have at er girls. Your own vanities cause the issues that you face. Learn to communicate instead of subjugate... 
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| Mar 18 @ 10:51 AM |
Withholding sex?? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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I would never do it on purpose. I do know that for me to enjoy it, I have to be there emotionally too.
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| Mar 18 @ 12:18 PM |
Withholding sex??
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,342
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Your own vanities cause the issues that you face. Learn to communicate instead of subjugate...
Please, please tell me how to do that! I'm not even slightly interested in subjugation, but I'm at a loss as to how to communicate before I'm so frustrated that it ends up being a battle royal. I'll grant you, after the battle royal, when he finally hears what I've been trying to say gently for weeks, life is great and sex is fabulous...but why is it necessary to go that far? Once I've gotten to the turned off stage, I've mentioned at least a dozen times what's bothering me. His words on the subject (after I finally blew up) "sometimes I'm a dumbass and just don't hear, and I'm sorry for being an inconsiderate asshole'. Life is good again, we're both spoiling each other rotten and enjoying ourselves, but why, why, WHY do men go deaf to what their women are trying to tell them? None of what I wanted was major, and I think he's enjoying the hell out of some of it, but I sooooo hate drama.
BTW, he's a great guy who just goes brain dead occasionally.
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| Mar 18 @ 12:59 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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Withholding affection, and showing that you care is far worse than having someone hold sex. jmo
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| Mar 18 @ 1:16 PM |
Withholding sex??
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twotall911
Posts: 12,863
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 i cant get enough  
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| Mar 18 @ 2:28 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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but why, why, WHY do men go deaf to what their women are trying to tell them? None of what I wanted was major, and I think he's enjoying the hell out of some of it, but I sooooo hate drama.
I want to know this too.
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| Mar 18 @ 5:14 PM |
Withholding sex??
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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pam said:
It's more that a woman has to be able to be there emotionally....to be able to get there physically. That's not a withholding, it's a non arousal. A can't get there.
Once again I have a feeling that Pammy and I have been married to the same man. 
Sadian said:
Learn to communicate instead of subjugate...
...and after 25 or 30 years of homework and it still doesn't work, you accept the roles of "roomates" -- and no longer conjugate. 
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| Mar 18 @ 5:17 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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hence Im not settling for anything less then consumated love.
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| Mar 18 @ 5:19 PM |
Withholding sex??
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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Have you ever withheld sex from your husband/wife, or lover?
Or, have you ever had it withheld from you?
How did it make you feel? Trapped, relieved, confused?
I have only had a couple ex gf's who withheld, and the word confused comes to mind first. Pissed comes second..... Frustrated comes third.....
I would have been releived that I found out early. There is no room for posturing in a relationship. I would have ended it right then and there. It is also a sign of immaturity. Not get any is not what would have bothered me. What would have bothered me would have been using sex as a tool or weapon. At the first sign of this behavior, run! and if you cant run? Fly! just leave him/her to their own vices. Dont forget to wish them well on your way out the door.
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| Mar 18 @ 5:37 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,464
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^^^^^^^^I couldn't agree more with Silver.
I understand the need for people to have to be there emotionally, both men and women alike, but to withhold as a tool or weapon per se is anything but love or loving.
Communication is key....
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| Mar 18 @ 5:43 PM |
Withholding sex??
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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using sex as a tool or weapon is
emotional blackmail.
psst angel. I cant think start when ya arround.
how in the hell could one communicate with ya over their drool is beyound me.
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| Mar 18 @ 5:55 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,464
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^^^^^^^i agree, it's emotional blackmail....to say the very least
psst burns, i'm just a woman (ok, i do have wings)
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| Mar 18 @ 6:01 PM |
Withholding sex??
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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Thats not emotional blackmail. Thats forced attrition.
"I'm going to make you" (What ever)
Emotional blackmail consist of brow beating. Psychologically abusing in order to force a result. Usually the disired result wanted by the blackmailer.
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| Mar 18 @ 6:05 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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lj450
Posts: 8,409
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Thats why you should condition yourself to view masturbation as an equal to copulation.
Then no one can ever tell you no. If they do......so what.
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| Mar 18 @ 6:59 PM |
Withholding sex??
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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Ahhh he** go ahead and withhold it....I have learned how to take care of myself just fine
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| Mar 18 @ 7:24 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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We'll just call you rub a dub dollie!
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| Mar 18 @ 9:01 PM |
Withholding sex??
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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Ok, another story about the same woman..... I posted this earlier, but this is a better spot for it.
I was once engaged to a woman who withheld sex, ( for what reason I do not know ), I remember her waking up as I entered the bedroom and before I could get undressed and slip into bed coming home from the bar with a friend.......she undid my pants, slid them down, ( I'm thinkin, this is great !!!!!!!!!!) she smelled my crotched ( for the scent of another woman ) and simply rolled over, said I was lucky and went back to sleep......
LUCKY !!!!! LUCKY ???? Thank God I never married the bitch......
I have seen women withhold sex to settle arguments, the guy may be right, but until she is willing to give up the goods, it is never over.... Even if she is right, and he admits it, the same applies....
I see many of you liked to think of this as " when the relationship was already basically over ". which is fine, it has it's place as well...... But so does the initial withholding of sex....." Until she was ready "..... So, these two are expected.... But what about during the actual relationship? In the day to day goings on.
If one person withholds sex for any reason, it becomes a power issue, and starts a divide that rarely heals itself..... I have heard of many sexless marriages, and they all started by one person withholding. Justified or not...... Without communication and pleasing one another, why would you stay married to this person?
Now here is another question, if sex isn't part of the marriage, does the other person have a right to look else where, or is this the part of the vows nobody wanted to think about at the time?
How can one feel betrayed, or hurt or angry if it is them who forced the issue?
( Medical reasons may be excused for these arguments )
To me, the only good thing to come out of an argument is making up, and sharing the love in your heart... showing you still care, and want to continue.
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| Mar 18 @ 9:03 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,435
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I think SG said it best.
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| Mar 18 @ 9:11 PM |
Withholding sex??
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CathyCRN
Posts: 3,954
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Well put, Pam...true...I, personally am not into sex if my head is somewhere else. It's not a matter of withholding, it's a matter of loss of physical interest. However, if both partners are willing and able to work issues out before bed (basically, don't go to bed angry) then this wouldn't be such an issue. Unfortunately, not all partners are the correct partners, some cheat, some abuse, some are disrespectful or basically repulsive to their partner...how can anyone be interested in sex with such a partner, male or female?
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| Mar 18 @ 9:38 PM |
Withholding sex?? |
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parrothead1234
Posts: 481
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but why, why, WHY do men go deaf to what their women are trying to tell them? None of what I wanted was major, and I think he's enjoying the hell out of some of it, but I sooooo hate drama.
I want to know this too.
I've seen many comments from women regarding "being a woman" & the challenges there of. (Being Mom, being a profesional - job wise, being a wife/gf emotionally/sexually etc.)
Speaking for myself only........it ain't a cake walk on this side fo the gender fence either. As boys/men - we are taught to shoulder the load, don't whine, provide for the family etc.
I've had complete hell days at work, & come home & want nothing but to do nothing. Don't want to complain, don't walk to talk about it, just want to exhale. After days like that, the fact that I haven't changed the oil in you car yet doesn't phase me. It's not that I don't care, it's just not issue that my world revolves around at this minute.
I've been in tough stretches professionally which drained me of any effort towards the home front. After awhile it snowballs into only being noticed for the 4 things on the honeydo list, while the 10 things crossed off the list get no mention.
I'm not saying men OR women do it right, or wrong for that matter. Just saying that individuals can get to fixated on what's missing, as opposed to being grateful for what's already there.
JMO
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