| Mar 27 @ 6:54 AM |
Withholding sex??
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Automotor
Posts: 258
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Yeah, but you ain't Dr Laura, is you?
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| Mar 27 @ 7:59 PM |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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I work in the construction field, and more times than I like to think about, my back is sore. I mean really sore. And there is nothing better than to have the hands of a woman who loves me rub some of the soreness out. I ask as nice as I can, and let her know, how important it is to me. Having her stop what she is doing to make me feel better ( knowing full well, this is not on the top of her list of things to do ) helps me realize how much I love her, and how important she is in my life. I know in the end it makes her feel good to know she is doing something special, and taking the time to make the one you love feel better, makes you feel good about yourself. It creates, and promotes a bond between you, knowing full well, you will do the same when needed.
I see this scenario the same as sex. How many times have you had sex with someone you love very deeply, and you did not enjoy it? Many times in our hectic lives we simply push our own desires off to the side, and when we take the time to actually enjoy yourself, you will be glad you did.
How many people workout ? How often do you try to make excuses on why not to do it today, I mean really, how often do you " feel " like working out? And how many times after you are done, do you feel silly for trying to talk yourself out of it.
Sex burns a lot of calories. 
There are always a lot of reasons not to do it, why not make a list of reasons to do it.
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| Mar 27 @ 8:13 PM |
Withholding sex??
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michedkel
Posts: 4,685
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Amen, brother. 
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| Mar 27 @ 8:19 PM |
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michedkel
Posts: 4,685
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There's another side to this too. Often times I am sensitive to the mood or temperament of my partner and I respect that. I give her space when she needs it and work on creating the atmoshere conducive to love making. There have been times when I haven't felt like having sex as well (  ), but I have never refused my partner. You know what? The most passionate sex I've ever had was after a major argument or fight and we both made it up to each other.
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| Mar 27 @ 8:25 PM |
Withholding sex??
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,342
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There are always a lot of reasons not to do it, why not make a list of reasons to do it.
In my case there's only one reason necessary - I want to. As I said before, if I'm not interested there's something going wrong with the relationship and I now know myself well enough to know that it's true 100% of the time. I think it's been true all my life, but I bought into what you're selling - just do it and worry about the fact that I'm not enjoying it later. Cuz if I have sex for any reason other than I want to have it, I won't enjoy it. Fortunately, for the first time in a long, long time, I have a partner that I can take a time out and just talk about it till we work out what it is, and then go back to having sex every chance we get, for as long as he can hold out...heck, my libido is still an 11 on a scale of 1-10 normally.
if she wasn't interested, did you ever try to find out why?
Edited to add:
The most passionate sex I've ever had was after a major argument or fight and we both made it up to each other.
Amen brother!
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| Mar 27 @ 8:49 PM |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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The only time it was deliberately withheld is many, many years ago, in one of my first relationships. She was a crazy bitch anyways. I was just glad she showed her true colors before it progressed too far.
I have also been very blessed with the woman I have shared a relationship with. 
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| Mar 27 @ 8:58 PM |
Withholding sex??
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,997
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I have never found any man that wants to drop what he is doing to take care of me UNLESS it was sex or he thought he was going to GET sex if he helped me. Go ahead, tell me I was the one that picked them. Well, my picker was broken. It is much better now. So much better I have finally decided to look around again.
Often times I am sensitive to the mood or temperament of my partner and I respect that. I give her space when she needs it and work on creating the atmoshere conducive to love making.
No offense but I have been told and RECENTLY that some man thought I needed space. Please, don't THINK we need this or that. ASK. Because that man was SO wrong. EVERYone thinks and reacts differently. Don't assume you know what is in someone else's head. It may just cause more problems. Not unless you have been together for years and you are very intune already.
You know what? The most passionate sex I've ever had was after a major argument or fight and we both made it up to each other.
Not me! I have met MANY women that were masochists that provoked fights so they could 'kiss and make up'.  I will NOT! I have seen how it goes. Some women deliberately provoke men to beat them because it is a turn on to them. Arguing is a major turn off to me. My sex drives shuts down completely. It takes days sometimes to revitalize. The worse the fight, the longer it takes me to trust them again.
Disagreeing is NOT fighting or a major arguement. Please do not try to change my mind either. There is a huge difference. I have had a man that fought over sex. If he didn't get it when he wanted it, he got ugly. Not my fault. His last relationship taught him to fight to get laid. I assume she gave it up to shut him up.
I never had that problem with any other man in my life. I have never been so turned off to my man I didn't want to please him sexually unless I was very tired. And you have already seen my previous reasons. After all, I would be cutting myself off if I cut him off. Anger is NOT an aphrodisiac to me.
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| Mar 27 @ 9:16 PM |
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michedkel
Posts: 4,685
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Yeah, I hear ya Spirit. The relationship I was talking about was a loving one and we were in tune with each other at the time. She was my wife.
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| Mar 27 @ 9:29 PM |
Withholding sex??
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,997
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Lucky, you then. 
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| Mar 28 @ 1:12 AM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,342
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Well, actually I wasn't thinking about major anger as much as becoming MORE open in communication - when a block's opened and you both realize just how close you came to losing something you both really valued....THAT'S the kind of makeup sex I was thinking of.
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| Mar 28 @ 1:35 AM |
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,997
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OH! Well, HELL yeah! Attaaaaack!
That is not what I consider major fights. I suppose I am too literal.  I am rather mean now. My last boyfriend made me REAL mean. I am still trying to recover from it. We still cannot be around each other.
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| Mar 28 @ 1:41 AM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,342
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I think my man-picker's gotten a lot better with age, hope yours wises up quicker than mine did.
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| Mar 28 @ 5:23 PM |
Withholding sex??
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sweetsongs17
Posts: 368
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I work in the construction field, and more times than I like to think about, my back is sore. I mean really sore. And there is nothing better than to have the hands of a woman who loves me rub some of the soreness out. I ask as nice as I can, and let her know, how important it is to me. Having her stop what she is doing to make me feel better ( knowing full well, this is not on the top of her list of things to do ) helps me realize how much I love her, and how important she is in my life. I know in the end it makes her feel good to know she is doing something special, and taking the time to make the one you love feel better, makes you feel good about yourself. It creates, and promotes a bond between you, knowing full well, you will do the same when needed
Blueeyes,
Clearly you are you are a decent man. AND I am not suprised from MICHIGAN!
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| Mar 28 @ 6:08 PM |
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,818
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She made the point that a wife (or SO, take your pick) should give it up whenever the male wants it. The point being that the man does so many other things in the relationship, spending time with your relatives, mowing the lawn, earning an income, etc. If a man is full, he'll never eat away from home.
A woman does so many things in a relationship also...sex should be something done out of love when someone is refreshed and doesnt feel pressured..not as a "reward" or ones "right" .
And that is such bunk...my first hubby cheated on me all 6 yrs we were married...I never said no.. and he admitted he couldn't keep up with me. So why did he cheat? Because HE had an insecurity problem and it made him feel powerful to sleep with other women. Not all men that cheat do so because they aren't getting "fed" at home.
Sorry..but my opinion is that Dr. Laura is full of herself 
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| Mar 28 @ 8:16 PM |
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michedkel
Posts: 4,685
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Snappy, there are always exceptions and it goes to the heart of the matter. We are responsible for the relationships we choose, good or bad. Borrow a man picker from heaveninawildflower.
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| Mar 28 @ 10:03 PM |
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,997
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Yayyyyy, Snappy! I felt the same way about that post.  Glad to see I am not the only one. Her picker is fixed now, Miched. She has a REAL good man now!
Yah, my picker got fixed last week, Heaven. Took me long enough but I now trust the info I get.
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| Mar 29 @ 12:48 AM |
Withholding sex??
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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Thank you.......
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| Mar 29 @ 12:58 AM |
Withholding sex?? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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I once had a gf try to wake me up in the middle of the night, I must have been sound asleep, because I remembered nothing about it.
So, when she told me the next morning,I said," next time, if you're ready, just get me hard, and hop on."
Needless to say, what a great way to wake up. If it was a simple tap on the shoulder, I just might have said, let's wait till morning. But after waking up and realizing I'm not dreaming, and the lookin her eyes, I was very glad she did as I asked.... And I also let her know, what a turn on it was.
As I was sleeping I wasn't in the mood, but she sure changed that in a hurry.  
Just because you your not in the mood this second, doesn't mean they can't change your mind in a few minutes.
I guess if i still wasn't in the mood, I could ask to wait, but to be honest, I would feel bad for rejecting her regardless of the reason. I would make sure I would make up for it later, the sooner the better, and would hope she would do the same for me.
But hey, that's just me.
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| Mar 29 @ 1:08 AM |
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,997
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Hey, you wake someone up right, you are really and truly happy to be awake! I wish I had someone that knew how to romantically waken me. I can't resist if it is done right. 
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| Mar 29 @ 1:14 AM |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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xactly  
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