| Jan 8, 2006 @ 9:34 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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StraightChaos
Posts: 24
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A few weeks ago, I met a woman online. After a few back and forth messages we hooked up on an instant messenger then went to phone conversations. Things were lookin' pretty good and were well on their way to hookin' up for a date.
Then the subject of "sex" came up and this very cool, easy to get along with woman slipped into a suit of armor and got pretty abrasive. No...the conversation wasn't pervy or heavy at all...just conversational. She clearly had some issues about sex and unloaded some pretty negative opinions about what she thought about conversations concerning sex as it related to the infancy of our new friendship/relationship thing.
To be perfectly honest, her position on the subject pretty much left me in mild shock and I would like some opinions and/or thoughts on this issue.
Thanks, ~Chaos
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 9:38 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Personally I think it's OK to talk about sex when she initiates it and then you better be pretty perceptive about when she wants to shut it down.
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 9:52 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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I go with Sponge on this one...Notice he said when she initiates it. In the cyber world sex is so casual to most people as a general topic. Many shy from it due to previous encounters of the topic mentioned maybe in a derogitory fashion, and many do it that way. She may have had these experiences and it shut her down just to bring it up again maybe?
It may not be too late to contact her with apologies from you and tell her you did not want to discuss sexuality unles she felt comfortable and when she felt comfortable. It wouldn't hurt to try!
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 9:57 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I have a friend Ive been talking to in Russia for almost two years. She's always been very "proper". Then all of a sudden she sent me a letter that sounds like a xxx novel but ended by saying that it would not be right for me to write a similar letter back.
Screwy but Russians are very dramatic people.
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 10:08 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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Things were lookin' pretty good and were well on their way to hookin' up for a date.
interesting..looks like you failed the dreaded "sex talking test".
My thoughts are that it would have happened on the date too..
My advice would be to not change who you are, but try again to talk to her. If she is very cold toward you, well then (without knowing if you got pretty graphic, and I hope that you didn't  ) just walk on by, ..and learn from it.
..out
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 10:11 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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I have a friend Ive been talking to in Russia for almost two years. She's always been very "proper". Then all of a sudden she sent me a letter that sounds like a xxx novel but ended by saying that it would not be right for me to write a similar letter back.
Sounds like she forgot to finish her sentence.
Because..... 
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 10:12 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
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I agree with Sponge and Angel...
I can be having a great IM with someone, laughing, joking and just being silly, when they turn something that is said, into a sexual remark. When this happens, I feel like they have put out the feelers so to speak, and it changes the mood of the relationship. There is a time, and a moment, but it isn't something that I feel like discussing with every man that I speak to online. I do think that she may have been abrupt in her way of helping you understand that she wasn't ready to discuss it. I'll usally try to joke my way out of that situation...and nine times out of ten, it works. If it doesn't, then he wouldn't understand me anyway....just as well he goes away.
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 10:23 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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danae74
Posts: 601
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I don't mind flirtatious joking, if I already know a man respects me; in fact, it's all part of discovering compatibility, to me. Unfortunately, some men accidentally show a little too much of their juvenile side in that situation. I'm not saying that's what happened, Chaos, because I wasn't there, but I've known it to happen. I've been attracted by certain types of sexy banter, and I've been totally repulsed...it just depends on the two people involved, I think.
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 10:29 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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Sounds like she forgot to finish her sentence.
Because.....
her mail is censored by the government? 
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 10:47 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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Felici...Could very well be.
Maybe Straight you misspelled a word possibly..typo?
come=cum? 
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 11:15 PM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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I say 2nd or third date. Why open up about intimate things before you are comfortable with them? You don't know someone before you meet in person anyway. Or at the very least be smooth about it!
This has happened with me several times. I was that girl. Ask me on a freaking date before you ask me if I want you. Guys come up on yahoo chat usually asking me there in an email (which is pretty stupid anyway, call me on the phone, I'm 35 not 12). And then ask "So, you like sex?"
Well, perv, probably not with you! I immediately end the conversation.
I know what is up. Men no longer want to win you over or romance you or seduce you. They want to schedule an appointment....That is how I interpret these conversations.
There is the woman's POV for you...
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:02 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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lah22_2000
Posts: 11
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I have a problem talking about sex. It is a feeling I guess. With some men I don't mind explaining how I feel about it. I mean I like sex, but I have gone without it too. Sometimes I don't feel comfortable. I guess I wish guys were a little less, How do you like it? and a little more forthwrite about what they are after. I mean if all a guy wants is sex for one night, say so. Don't tell a girl that she's wonderful and stuff and dump her because you got what you want. I'd much rather have honesty and sex more than once, than bulls*** anyday.
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:19 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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StraightChaos
Posts: 24
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Waiting...I gotta say darlin'...I'm a little surprised to see that you have the capacity for being shocked. I like it. 
I like that whole "let her initiate the delicate conversations" thing...as long as it doesn't evolve from reserved into timid little p**** dude mode. 
Angel darlin'...thanks for helpin me out with that typo thing. 
Alright...maybe I need to elaborate on the spirit of the conversation and how the sex thing came up....We were talking about brothers and sisters growing up under the same roof and being so very different from one another and she used her and her sister for comparison, calling her sis a "ho". I asked her what her definition of a "ho" was. Thats when she put her hair into a tight little bun and pulled out her soap box.
anyway, I decided that she prolly had more of an issue over that topic then what might be healthy. No big deal really...I'm pretty sure she'll hook up with someone who's equally uncomfortable with that subject.
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:26 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
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Wow....this puts a whole new light on things. I thought you were being vulgar. This puts a new light on things....
Count your blessings for learning early on.
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:34 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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StraightChaos
Posts: 24
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Actually, Moon bean, I'm kind of liking the feedback. Its interesting to see people's base line comfort level with sex, sexuality and all those things that our parents so inanely attempted to shelter us from throughout our childhoods.
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:41 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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First and foremost as a mature adult you should be able to talk about anything. Yes anything. This sort of reminds me of someone who hides the tapons in fear that someone will see them buying them. If sex is still a dirty word at 30 years old you have some growing up to do !
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:44 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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I have another idea Straight...take the word as is sex and turn it into Make Love. That will make a world of difference. Women like that. It leaves more imagination and gives the emotions a stir.
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 12:53 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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StraightChaos
Posts: 24
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take the word as is sex and turn it into Make Love.
maybe even add an adjective or two or tie it into some drama and soup it up into the realm of surreal.
Make intensely passionate love, like its the last time to ever touch one another again, in this life. 
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 6:20 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,959
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Silver, I certainly agree that mature adults should be able to discuss sex openly, but there is a time and a place for that kind of conversation. In the case in point, based on what we've been told, the woman in question apparently has some "issues" if she can't discuss sex in a general way after a few conversations with someone.
But the key here is that it wasn't personal, it wasn't part of the intital contact, and she broached the subject her Self. In far too many cases sex is the only subject someone wants to talk about, or it even becomes the replacement for "hello". And THAT, dear sir, is just wrong. Unless someone's profile states they are looking only for a booty call, it is presumptuously rude to ass-u-me sex as the opening volley. In all honesty, no one is going to contact another person on a site like this if there isn't some sort of attraction and it's usually physical to begin with since even profile details can only provide a glimpse of who's behind the mask. In those cases, it is my opinion that talk about sex comes up later.
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| Jan 9, 2006 @ 7:42 AM |
When is it ok to start conversing about sex? |
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Graystar
Posts: 282
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When is it ok to start conversing about sex?
After you've had sex.
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