To FWB or not to FWB?

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To FWB or not to FWB?

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Apr 1 @ 9:11 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

pomegranate

Posts: 1,676 You know, in the '70s the sexual revolution, we thought, was really something "daring." It had an air of mystery to it...women were burning their bras and giving up their fear of being labeled a slut just because she happened to have sex with a guy.

But we were still, for the most part, discreet about it, and pretty much selective.

Back in "my day," (yeah, I'm Walter personified and feminized!) lol...we didn't have (fill in the blank)...but we LOVED IT!

Anyway...back on topic...

Back then, even casual sex had some sort of level of intimacy connected with it. And casual sex encounters oftentimes turned into long-term, committed relationships.

What's with the FWB nowadays? I can't speak for how much women initiate this type of 'relationship,' but in my experience, of course, I can only talk about men. Most of the men who have written to me stating they want an FWB arrangement, come to find out, don't even want the "F", they just want the "B."

And they act really surprised when they get turned down, or even questioned.

Now, I think everyone knows the old saying, "Women need a reason; men just need a place," right? Well, I'm not one who needs (or even cares) whether a man puts a ring on my finger...but to have a relationship that is ONLY sex? How can any human (which is what separates us from animals) have sex without SOME kind of attachment/bond/connection with the person they're having sex with?) And I don't mean "love" at all. I mean a desire to actually be the F in the FWB scenario.

Against my better judgment, I accepted a FWB "invitation" once and at first is was pretty exciting. Didn't have time much to see him, anyway...so no big deal if we didn't go out or didn't spend a lot of nonsexual time together.

Didn't take long, however, that the sex became very boring. Why? Because it was so "mechanical," so "predictable." And that's ALL there was. With the exception of spending maybe an hour at the most talking with each other (inbetween the sex), that's all the relationship consisted of.

Now, how absolutely boring and unfascinating and droll and mundane is that?

No, I gotta tell ya, his coming to the door naked whilst wildly waving his willy at me and grinning manaically novelty wore off pretty damn quick, after about the fourth or fifth time he did it.

Call me "old fashioned," but I prefer the sexual revolution of the 70s. At least we understood that we're not just animals, or human vibrators or sperm receptacles.

What are your thoughts about "FWBs"?

Apr 1 @ 9:20 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

thor22

Posts: 3,350 oh wow, sister...if you ever go "boring or mechanical" on me...all and any further FWB will be denied

Apr 1 @ 9:21 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

Angel178

Posts: 36,334 I think you already know my thoughts.

Apr 1 @ 9:42 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

BandTMom

Posts: 38,059 Although I see nothing bad about it, it's not for me. I need the total package.

Apr 1 @ 9:43 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

thor22

Posts: 3,350 well angel...no actually, I do not know your thoughts and I gave up trying to read minds...but ya sounds likes ya might be kinda bprudish about this here subjmect here g

Apr 1 @ 9:56 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

Angel178

Posts: 36,334 Prudish? Hmmm, you keep thinking that...whatever floats your boat

Apr 1 @ 10:39 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

Loinlee_Sole

Posts: 166 FWB??? freight withholding balance??? yes............i am very much against it

Apr 1 @ 10:43 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

lj450

Posts: 9,551 As much as I hate to admit it, you really need to conquer your desire.

Sex is a crutch. Learn to walk without it.

Apr 1 @ 10:45 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

ColdinWisconsin

Posts: 9,987 Hell just froze over and there is a pig in the sky.

Apr 1 @ 10:49 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

thor22

Posts: 3,350 frieght withholding balance I've seen that on high heels and oh wow, she was very drunk!

Apr 1 @ 10:54 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

lj450

Posts: 9,551
Hell just froze over and there is a pig in the sky

Necessity is the mother of.......

Oh hell, necessity is a mother!!

Apr 1 @ 11:03 PM To FWB or not to FWB?

thor22

Posts: 3,350 I don't know about no pig in the sky...but onetime on this one radio station called WKRP in Cinncinnati, I heard their buckeye news hawk award winning newsman, les nessman, describve live on the air how it was raining turkeys one thanksgiving day at a shopping center there in Cinncinnati there, hey

Apr 2 @ 1:39 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

katydid438

Posts: 8,020 FWB each to is own!
One important rule though,,"both" parties should realize that is what's it all about

No yucky surprises

Apr 2 @ 3:15 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

pomegranate

Posts: 1,676 Thor, I'm not the one who "went mechanical." The sex did. And he always was. Mechanical and predictable, that is.

***

I guess some people just "don't get it," (perhaps both figuratively and literally ..lol) or just don't care. Which is really the point of the subject. People are pretty much devoid of emotion anymore. They have no capacity for actually caring to simply be in the company of the opposite sex, unless there's some kind of self-serving "benefit" to it, particularly when it comes to sex.

And talk about lazy and unexciting! Used to be, the anticipation was one of the most exciting aspects of the sex act. Now, people want sex "on demand," and, thanks to the Internet, they don't even have to have met!

All over internet dating sites, for example, (both "adult" ones or not) you see profiles looking for "FWB" or "sex only" type 'arrangements.' (Won't even justify calling it a 'relationship,' or even a 'friendship,' for that matter, because that's hardly what it is.

I get a lot of such invitations and I'm thinking, "This guy doesn't even know me. Doesn't he even give a damn about his own self? I could be an Aileen Wournos for all he knows. Or I could have four kinds of STDs or I could be simply just not compatible with him.

And what kind of women would hook up with a guy for sex via having met him on the Internet? Hell, one night stands resulting from nights out on the town were dangerous enough, but at least people saw the person you left with and, if you had any common sense, you'd let someone know where you were going, "just in case."

But hooking up with total strangers on the internet for "sexual encounters" ...who, first of all, wants to have sex with someone they don't even know, haven't even spoken to?

"You look 'hawt.' I'd love to have sex with you." Noooooooo, truth is, you'd love to have sex. Pretty much doesn't matter WHO it's with. "I'll be in town for the weekend; perhaps we can hook up for some 'fun." Puleeze. GMAFB, Mac, if you think I'd ever be stupid or gullible enough to just meet you on a whim like that and go to a hotel room with some guy who, for all I know, could be a freaking serial killer, married, or HIV-infected. There's something to be said for discretion.

The whole "I wouldn't do it, but I don't care what other people do" attitude is prevalent these days, too. Yes, I do agree "to each his own," but if I have an opinion about something, I'm strong in that opinion; I certainly don't feel like I have to water it down by making sure to include any disclaimers lest I "offend" someone.

Anyway, to me, an FWB arrangement is no different from being a prostitute, except you're not getting paid for it. Come to think of it, there's no "benefit" to it whatsoever (unless you think using another human being to get you off is a "benefit.")

Yes, sex is incredible, but not when it's completely devoid of any kind of feeling whatsoever. That's what makes it mechanical and predictable. Hell, what's the point of even wasting the gas driving over to see each other, if sex is the ONLY component of the relationship?

What's so exciting about "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" or "Thank you sir; may I have another?" sex?

Oh, well ... I guess it depends on one's own personal experiences and perspective. I can understand how it might be exciting to someone who hardly ever gets any in the first place; hell, I'd probably be jumping for joy, too, if someone gave me any kind of attention, even if it was negative attention, I suppose, if that were the case.

Give me a REAL man who's not afraid to connect on SOME level, other than literally via ONLY his penis. I need intellectual and emotional stimulation, as well as physical. Plus, I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm worth a hell of a lot more than just "screw me and leave."

Apr 2 @ 7:22 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

Angel178

Posts: 36,334 What you are talking about in this last post is really like hooking up with a person at a bar...a one night stand. You are talking about people on the internet hooking up for sex.

I'm pretty sure what you just wrote about is completely different from FWB. There are feelings involved. It is nothing like what you just described. Where do you think the "Friends" part came from?

Apr 2 @ 7:42 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

pomegranate

Posts: 1,676 Huh? I'm talking how hooking up with someone in a bar is different from today's FWB arrangements, particularly those initiated on the internet. When you hook up with someone in a bar, presumably you've had some conversation and gotten to know the person you're leaving with, at least to an extent. People on the internet email you and have the audacity to ask, right off the bat, if you want to hook up for sex, without even having met for the first time.

But my point of the FWB arrangement, like I said, is that, particularly for men (and maybe for some women, too) there's really no "F" involved. Friends do things together. They spend time together. They go places together. They lean on each other and support each other in bad times, and laugh and "play" together in good times.

If you're doing all those things that FRIENDS normally do together, and then also having sex with that friend, then that's not a friend with a "benefit," that's DATING...and that makes the person either your boyFRIEND or your girlFRIEND, whether or not it's a mutually exclusive relationship.

If, on the other hand, like most people who claim they want a "friend with so-called "benefits," what they really want are the "benefits," and very little, if any, of the true friendship, that is not dating, that is certainly not "friendship" (not by any stretch of the imagination); that is "get a piece of ass and hit the door and I'll call on you the next time I'm horny."

Apr 2 @ 7:59 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

Angel178

Posts: 36,334
If you're doing all those things that FRIENDS normally do together, and then also having sex with that friend, then that's not a friend with a "benefit," that's DATING...

That is FWB if you do not want it to be "Dating". You are friends...who also sleep together. Therefore there are feelings. Meeting someone at a bar and "getting to know them" as you say, then sleeping with them does not make a FWB. How well are you getting to know someone in a few hours and while drinking? There is no friendship involved...therefore no FWB.

that's DATING...and that makes the person either your boyFRIEND or your girlFRIEND, whether or not it's a mutually exclusive relationship

I don't agree. Where does the term boyfriend or girlfriend fit into it? Friends who have sex...FWB

Ok....this is where GH is supposed to appear with his frickin Wiki definition

Apr 2 @ 8:15 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

pomegranate

Posts: 1,676 So if you're friends, and you're doing the things that friends typically do together, and you're also having sex (at least presumably at some point and, if not, at least you're kissing and holding hands and stuff)...well, at one time that used to be called DATING and that meant you were boyfriend and girlfriend. Not necessarily, like I said, a mutually exclusive thing, but at least he/she was "A" boyfriend or girlfriend. And most people who date someone are usually satisfied with seeing/having sex with one person at a time.

But all today's "FWB" arrangement does is remove any type of accountability to it. "Hey, we're 'just friends, who also just happen to have sex together.' Hell ,that means you can screw every one of your friends and, since there's no commitment or feelings involved, who cares, right?

You ask where the part of "friends" comes in? That's my POINT...I don't think most people (especially men) who claim to want an FWB arrangement really want the FRIENDS part at all; they just want the BENEFITS. It's a "sexual arrangement"; it's not a "friendship."
Not that you're not nice to each other when you see each other, but you're more casual acquaintances than anything else.

I dunno...I don't see the need to redefine the same relationships by other terms. But it's done so everyone's "off the hook" regarding making any type of commitment or having any sense of accountability.

So, call it what you will, but, to me, if you're going places and doing things with your FRIEND whom you're also sleeping with, I'd say that pretty much qualifies it as a "dating relationship," a "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing.

Apr 2 @ 8:23 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

Angel178

Posts: 36,334 And that is your opinion...I did not say you were wrong

What are your thoughts about "FWBs"?
I was just answering and giving a different perspective

BTW...didn't say I was doing this...just giving my input

Apr 2 @ 8:45 AM To FWB or not to FWB?

pomegranate

Posts: 1,676 Yeah, but I don't see how our opinions differ. You call it FWB; I call it BF and GF and/or "dating." I mean, if you're doing the same things with your "f**k buddy that you'd do with your BF/GF, then what's the difference?

To me, the difference is, as I stated, the lack of accountability toward your partner. You're "only friends," therefore, you don't have to account for anything that you do outside of the time you spend together. Even if, say, you happen to see your "FB" out with another girl/guy, so what? You're "just friends," so there's no "real" feelings involved, so who cares who/how many other so-called "friends" they have, right?

How conveeeenient, then, isn't it? It's taking away any type of guilty association with the behavior. Which all sounds good on the front end, considering the "freedom" that comes along with it. And some people might say it's "empowering" for women, too, because it also seems that way on the surface. But IMO an FWB arrangement, all it does is further enable for men to act like the superficial horndogs they typically are, and discourage them even further (like they needed THAT) from making any type of commitment or exclusive relationship with a woman.

That's what I mean by there's so much lack of emotion in relationships anymore. All it's about, primarily, is getting laid. And I think that's sad. There used to be so much more anticipatory excitement when it came to having sex with someone...now, it's like "I'm horny and I need it now...let's DO IT!" After the orgasm, what's left? 'Well, that was fun. See ya."

Ho hum.

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