| May 1 @ 11:03 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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So, just what is makeup sex?
I had a brother that did bad sht all the time and got away with it and was always rewarded for bad behavior. Since then, he has spent most of his adult life on drugs, stealing and in jail. So I feel rewarding fighting (bad behavior) is stupid.
People are always going on about great makeup sex.  WTF? Is this sadomasochism?
I mean...
1. what types of fighting are you having...the degree (how serious....hot debate, disagreement, mild argument, yelling, screaming, knock down drag out, etc) ...
2. what are you fighting over?
3. what happens to make you want to reward the other person with sex?
4. Is the problem resolved? Is this why the 'reward'?
5. does someone or both people 'win'?
6. is the relationship enriched by the original conflict? (Like greater communication, understanding, etc...you tell me what.
I am serious about this thread, Play all you want but give me real reasons why it is a good thing to reward fighting and conflict because to me, it just sounds sick and dangerous for future healthy relationships.
Yet I have the desire to not miss out on something that 'may' be a good thing. I have never before YB found any need or desire to 'reward' anyone I have had conflict with. Now that we have gotten together, sure, we have arguments but we resolve conflict and it is a fkn FIRST in my relationship history with any significant other. (Not so with family. I have a great history of resolving conflict but we DON'T have the same synergy here.)
So just MAYBE this sex rewarding stuff has some kind of sense to it.
Please, enlighten me.  Thanks!
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| May 1 @ 11:05 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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Oh, and if you really do not want to post in this thread for all the world to see....email me and enlighten me. 
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| May 1 @ 11:12 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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SaintBacon
Posts: 2,130
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Spirit, I've never had make-up sex. But I've always thought of it in terms of the couple joining together AFTER they have resolved whatever the issue was the cause of the conflict. If this is true, than BOTH are rewarded by the act of love. Acknowledging that they are still in love.
I suppose it could also be used as a means of trying to appease...but in that case, I would agree with you...why reward bad behavior? 
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| May 1 @ 11:27 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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Yeah, seriously. That is definitely appeasement which leads to MORE bad behavior in order to get the reward. Reason I think it is sadomasochism is I have had several friends that were masochist that deliberately would screw up or do bad stuff or deliberately provoke fights THEN have sex afterwards...because the violence turned them on.  *shudder*
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| May 1 @ 11:38 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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SaintBacon
Posts: 2,130
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Scary! I known people that will resort to contriving a conflict just so their spouse will interact with them, which is a pretty sad way to initiate a conversation with someone supposedly loves you. 
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| May 1 @ 11:54 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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Exactly. That is why I am asking these questions. To see IF there is some other side to it I don't know about already watching other people's relationship dissolve or go down the tubes.
I am thinking tho, with some people, like me, that conflict is inevitable. However, when you actually are able to find an SO that will actually resolve the conflict to get to a greater state of awareness, communication and understanding, then by all means, make up sex! I am all for rewarding learning and growth.
This is why all my questions. I am trying to figure out the true meanings of it IF it is a good thing or like I understood before...a bad thing.
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| May 1 @ 12:05 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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In my opinion? Makeup sex is reaffirming that a discussion, a disagreement, a tiff hasn't put you in the place of no return. It's saying, I still love you in spite of this. I still need to be with you and want you. It feels almost like an indescribably urgency.
The thing that's troublesome to me about makeup sex, is...early on...when the relationship is new, (though you don't want to argue just to have it) is passionate. As time and arguments go on, though, the urgency becomes less. We take more for granted. And then, lose the urge to makeup. Become apathetic. Why?
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| May 1 @ 12:10 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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Never been there so I have no idea if that holds true for everyone.
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| May 1 @ 12:11 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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SaintBacon
Posts: 2,130
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It has always amazed me to watch the different ways that couple interact and communicate with each other...or in many cases, DON'T communicate. Although I have also meet couples that communicate very well without actually saying all that much. If you watch their body language and the way that they look into each other's eyes...you can tell that they indeed communicating and understanding each other. Very cool 
Sex can be used in so many ways, both good and bad. Some wield it as a weapon, as a control mechanism, reward system, etc. Sadder still, as a way of being accepted or temporarily loved.
Really, sex is just an extension of the rest of our mind and body. The way we have sex is a pretty good indicator of how we are going to relate in other ways.
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| May 1 @ 12:18 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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The way we have sex is a pretty good indicator of how we are going to relate in other ways.
  Omg. NO comment.
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| May 1 @ 12:25 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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SaintBacon
Posts: 2,130
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Uh...then just post pics! 
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| May 1 @ 12:45 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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1. what types of fighting are you having...the degree (how serious....hot debate, disagreement, mild argument, yelling, screaming, knock down drag out, etc) ...
2. what are you fighting over?
3. what happens to make you want to reward the other person with sex?
4. Is the problem resolved? Is this why the 'reward'?
5. does someone or both people 'win'?
6. is the relationship enriched by the original conflict? (Like greater communication, understanding, etc...you tell me what.
I've never had a knock down, drag out, few screaming.
Fighting over? money, selfishness, broken promises.
I believe in "never go to bed angry", but that doesn't mean you don't just say "I love you", hold each other and continue to TALK when both are not so heated or upset.
I think you both can win something out of fair fights. You learn more about your partner and their feelings. No name calling or insults (though hard to do)
It's enriched if 2 are not MEAN.
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| May 1 @ 1:54 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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custis
Posts: 1,890
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Pam comes the closest to explaining it. It is not something you plan. There are times in life when one of you may inadvertantly hurt the feelings of the other, or you may be tired and grumpy and get into an argument even if arguing is the farthest thing from your mind. Makeup sex is simply how you say "Im sorry," to one another and show that the petty little problems of life mean nothing compared to what you mean to one another.
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| May 1 @ 9:42 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,755
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Isn't Make-up sex when a woman gets pissed off at a guy for whatever reason, she destroys whatever objects she likes, calls the man an @$$hole maybe crys a little then after about 3 hours they reconcile and she begs to give him a BJ following up with fanantic sex?
I am pretty sure that is what make up sex is..... does anyone know differently?
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| May 1 @ 10:09 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,736
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Pretty much sums it up! 
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| May 3 @ 1:36 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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There are times in life when one of you may inadvertantly hurt the feelings of the other, or you may be tired and grumpy and get into an argument even if arguing is the farthest thing from your mind. Makeup sex is simply how you say "Im sorry," to one another and show that the petty little problems of life mean nothing compared to what you mean to one another.
Ok, Custis, now that certainly sounds reasonable and healthy. I can go with that. Thanks! (Any excuse to have wild monkey sex, you know.  Just did not want to be doing something unhealthy for the future of our relationship.)
I don't see any urgency, Pam, nor have I actually felt the need to have sex to make up.
Oh, and Striving? You have had some sorry relationships, too, haven't you? Like I said before, this relationship is different. I am trying to learn healthy things to share. 
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| May 3 @ 2:03 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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painter007
Posts: 17,852
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I have always said.......if you are going to have a disagreement...get nakid.......and then get all tangled up.....
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| May 5 @ 1:50 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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AwsumLover69
Posts: 64
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Making sure U don't miss a spot..and U better do it twice ! 
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| May 5 @ 5:21 PM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version....
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,005
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 Its the best.
You make it up as you go along.
Most interesting.
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| May 6 @ 12:35 AM |
What IS makeup sex? Your version.... |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 23,834
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Oh, well. Is ok if people misunderstand the topic or deliberately try to hijack the thread. Custis pretty much answered it for me. 
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