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| Jan 15, 2006 @ 8:24 PM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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DipityDoo
Posts: 377
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Two comments in one day from men......
One, I've had a "fling" with, I guess you could say. Now he wants a relationship (not with me) and tells me I'm a nympho and all I think about is sex. (I disagree very much)
Other one....a guy I met online, met him over the weekend for coffee...and he tells me he thinks I'm "too conservative".
Eeerrgggghhh.
Is what I want so hard to find, or so unusual?
I would like a relationship that is monagamous and has some depth to it, but I am not looking for any of these, and I want to avoid all these: marriage, an eventual live-in situation, involving each other's kids/families, or even spending most nights over each other's.
And it also seems that the few men I have met have expected sex right away. (Of course, I don't meet anyone who is looking for marraige, etc. )Is this the norm, or was it just my luck of the draw?
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| Jan 15, 2006 @ 10:46 PM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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Angel54214
Posts: 18,199
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Dippity...I went through the same thing. I thought about how I could better present my intentions up front before the first meet. I found it less of s surprise by communicating on each other's intentions of dating first before meeting. Women need to emphasize more on not being a sexual encounter on first meets or even the next one. (not excluding men here). Just know that the first meet must have safety as your priority, then your honest intentions of what you are searching for. Communicate with your contact interest partner by phone before meeting.
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:47 AM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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I would like a relationship that is monagamous and has some depth to it, but I am not looking for any of these, and I want to avoid all these: marriage, an eventual live-in situation, involving each other's kids/families, or even spending most nights over each other's.
i'm sorry but you lost me with saying you want a relationship that is monagamous and has some depth to it but seems to want nothing of an attachment....
that's an oxymoron is it not???
[Edited on 1/16/2006 4:48 AM]
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 11:45 AM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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not hard to understand..
she is not sleeping around, but she needs her space
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 12:13 PM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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well if she only wants a friend with benefits then she needs to call it what it is and not ask for a relationship with depth.......
[Edited on 1/16/2006 12:14 PM]
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 12:45 PM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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...she needs to call it what it is and not ask for a relationship with depth.......
sometimes a "best friend" has more depth within a relationship than a "wife/husband" type relationship. Friends/friend with benefits is a nice way of saying "to sleep with someone for just sex"
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 3:41 PM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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sometimes a "best friend" has more depth within a relationship than a "wife/husband" type relationship.
guess that's why i've not settled for that type of marriage.i'd hate to think i had more depth with a frined than my husband or he did with me.......
a nice way of saying "to sleep with someone for just sex
yes it was nicer than what i first typed....  ..but exactly what i meant
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 6:48 PM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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DipityDoo
Posts: 377
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not hard to understand..
she is not sleeping around, but she needs her space
Thank you for understanding it and summarizing it well!
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 6:54 PM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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DipityDoo
Posts: 377
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yes it was nicer than what i first typed.... ..but exactly what i meant
I find your comments to be BOTH misunderstanding AND judgemental. Please confine yourself to one or the other...I think that still gives you a good deal of lattitude to be critical, which seems is what you want to do.
OK?
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 7:05 PM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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DipityDoo
Posts: 377
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Posts: 1955 Dippity...I went through the same thing. I thought about how I could better present my intentions up front before the first meet. I found it less of s surprise by communicating on each other's intentions of dating first before meeting. Women need to emphasize more on not being a sexual encounter on first meets or even the next one. (not excluding men here). Just know that the first meet must have safety as your priority, then your honest intentions of what you are searching for. Communicate with your contact interest partner by phone before meeting.
Hi Angel...of course you're right. And some I could have DEFINITELY done a better job of clarifying what they wanted...but 2 were definitiely looking for relationships and that confused me. Hands on my ass after an hour of knowing me?
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 1:31 AM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,607
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I would like a relationship that is monagamous and has some depth to it, but I am not looking for any of these, and I want to avoid all these: marriage, an eventual live-in situation, involving each other's kids/families, or even spending most nights over each other's.
Dippity - I just looked at your profile, and you list 'whatever works' in the relationship area, and nothing else. Nowhere in your profile do you mention that you're looking for a monogamous relationship...matter of fact I had absolutely no clue as to what you were like or what you were looking for.
This is just a suggestion - but you might just let the guys know right up front in the profile if you're that clear about what you want and don't want. The 'whatever works' might have discouraged guys who are actually looking to settle down too.
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 2:43 AM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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Dippity... I'm with Heaveninawildflower on this one. Be very specific about what you want. In fact, perhaps you could put something similar to the paragraph you've written here, telling exactly what you're looking for. Your profile, as it is, is very vague and pretty much leaves open the possibility for anyone to write to you. However, remember that a lot of people don't even READ profiles so you'll still get the occasional email from someone who doesn't fit your criteria.
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 2:08 PM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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DipityDoo,
I have to completely agree with Heaven and Alto....none of us are mind readers....so it is each persons responsibility to state just what we are looking for......and cant blame others for not being able to read our minds ........ 
No where on my profile does it give the faintest suggestion I would be looking for a Married Man..  ..and I get frustrated getting contacts from them.....guess I need to make that quite clear from the Get Go......Please No Contacts From Married Men Wanting Playmates.......chuckle do you think they will read that......  I have my doubts, from past experiences.... 
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:14 AM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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I find your comments to be BOTH misunderstanding AND judgemental. Please confine yourself to one or the other...I think that still gives you a good deal of lattitude to be critical
If you don't want to hear everyone's opinions then don't ask the question...and nope you can't dictate my answers or opinions..lol...
if you found them judgmental then that was your reading ....... all i said was you can't have it both ways....if you want depth in a relationship then you have to have a relationship....and all of your NOTS listed was rejecting things that are involved in a in-depth relationship therefore like my opinion or not that only leaves a friend with benefits and i never said there was anything wrong with that if that is what you want......but it's by no means an in-depth relationship in my opinion as i stated...... 
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:28 AM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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Nah, is your opinion open for discussion here? or is it set in stone? 
Why can't (in todays climate) a couple have a serious, committed relationship but still live apart? Giving each other space when needed, but still being there for each other?
I want to avoid all these: marriage, an eventual live-in situation, involving each other's kids/families, or even spending most nights over each other's.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:37 AM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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^^ my opinion is just that my opinion ... just as yours is yours....you have a right to yours and i do mine period....
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:39 AM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 8:45 AM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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billdove
Posts: 2
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 I can understand your frustration. You have placed yourself in a very akward position. You belong to a dating service where I believe most people want to find some sort of a permanent mate, marriage or whatever. You ask the person to pledge himself only to you, but don't want him hanging around the house on a full time basis. I guess that sort of says you are looking for a friend of the opposite sex with whom you may desire to be intimate with occassionally, but a commitment is out of the question. Love making is wonderful, but it is a very small part of the equation. It sounds to me like you are telling men that you want to use them as sexual objects or meal tickets, but other than that, you want nothing to do with them. I can understand your feeling like you can't win.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 10:59 AM |
feeling like i can't win :(
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Mischief484
Posts: 679
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I would like a relationship that is monagamous and has some depth to it, but I am not looking for any of these, and I want to avoid all these: marriage, an eventual live-in situation, involving each other's kids/families, or even spending most nights over each other's.
Monagamy's not gonna fit too well along with those other requirements, luv. You seem to be asking for all the benefits of marriage, but not willing to put up with some of the inconveniences.
Life is all about trade-offs.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:53 PM |
feeling like i can't win :( |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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interesting correlation .. Monogamy is harder if one is ...??
Monagamy's not gonna fit too well along with those other requirements
The requirements that you state are needed /necessary for a monogamous relationship -
1) marriage,
2) an eventual live-in situation, involving each other's kids/families,
3) or even spending most nights over each other's. (I assume she meant homes here)
My thoughts,
Relationships have no rules for cheating spouses. living under the same roof does not guarantee monogamy. Living apart does not guarantee cheating.
Her question was Is what I want so hard to find, or so unusual? I think it takes two to tango, and putting these caveats on a relationship just makes it that much harder to find a mate. Not only do you exclude all people looking for a "full time relationship of two",
But you set yourself up for all the players who see the perfect opportunity to play..A relationship with you, and plenty of free time to prowl about. (sad but true)
So, IMO yes it will be hard to find, but if it is what works for you, then don't give up looking for it based on what you read here.
I know that some people who are in a ""full time relationship of two", complain about feeling smothered, and complain about having no time for just themselves.
I guess Mischief484 is right when he says thatLife is all about trade-offs.
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