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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:12 PM |
Obligation
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Godless
Posts: 647
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Not sure if it's ever been covered here, but here I go...
Seems to me that any time I've felt good about a relationship as a whole, that sex was a mutually desired thing. Of course, sex drives vary and usually it was my husband who wanted more than I. He felt it was owed to him because I was his wife, whether or not I was in the mood.
Does anyone consider sex an obligation in a relationship or marriage? If so, why?
~Kay
P.S. First one who says sex is a need gets slammed.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:27 PM |
Obligation |
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Magickman
Posts: 128
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Oddly enpough, in the last couple years, the women I have dated wanted it ALL the time. I mean night and day, even wake me up in the middle of the night for more. I did my best to keep them happy, but that was not always enough.
It never used to be that way. When did women become insatiable?
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:40 PM |
Obligation
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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Does anyone consider sex an obligation in a relationship or marriage? If so, why?
GOSH! If I ever Get to that point again......(Im gonna take myself out......... of the picture) I gave in to shut him up ( during my marriage)... It was Obligatory I guess. I Have never treated a man like he owed me, but I would think something was wrong ( like he had someone else) if it suddenly stopped.
BTW...for me it was loosing respect for him that killed my desire!
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 3:13 PM |
Obligation |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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Obligation is a debt of service or favor. It does not belong in the sexual life of two people. If it is, then that person that makes it so does not fall in the realm of sexuality in love.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:31 PM |
Obligation
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afs54321
Posts: 13
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I guess it actually IS an obligation - and the sweetest one! Just like obligation to keep your kids happy.
Making sure that the man who's devoting all his life to your happiness - making sure that all his needs and desires are satisfied is a natural woman's response to love and care, isn't it?
And if he doesn't care to keep you happy - what are you two doing together anyway???
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:55 PM |
Obligation |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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Just like obligation to keep your kids happy
I didn't know that "keeping kids happy" was in the parenthood OBLIGATION rulebook.
The same as with sex and all aspects of marriage or a partnership -- there are few "obligations" in a good relationship...most aspects are addressed through mutual DESIRE. If MUTUAL desire isn't there, neither partner should disrepect the other by insisting or 'hinting' there's an obligation. ~shudder-puke-yeech~ That's "control". 
And Kat...I hear ya loud and clear on that "loss of respect", something that can be triggered by a number of different reasons. There's nothing worse than the feeling of being humped like a dispassionate whore. Time to quit, plain and simple (if the underlying 'issues' can't be rectified)
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 4:57 PM |
Obligation
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Fleetfoot
Posts: 48
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I guess the woman has NO obligation at all. Just expect the man to keep her happy in total and spend all of his money on her but if she works, she keeps all of her money just to spend on her.
Something is totally wrong with all of these arrangements. Marriage or a relationship should be a 50/50 enterprise, NO less and NO more. That way both persons know what to expect.
To expect the man to give 100% and the woman to give 0 % is not acceptable at all.
This is why relationships and marriages totally fail...
 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
Obligation |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Sex is never an actual obligation, but it IS an important and fulfilling part of most happy relationships. However, sex should only be involved when BOTH people want it, and not just because one feels obligated.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:08 PM |
Obligation
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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I'm with you on this one "China". Isn't it all about love? Isn't that why couples are together in the first place? Then what happens if something down the road causes fullfillment of the sexuality limited. (In sickness and in health). I have seen this happen many times.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:08 PM |
Obligation |
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Fleetfoot
Posts: 48
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Magic
Now you have met REAL women. The women I have met in the past two years (especially one) wanted money and everything done for her and then you could expect services to be provided.
Where have you found these real women who act like women and are not selfish and think the man should do everything in total....????????
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:17 PM |
Obligation
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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Well personally as for me, I have always been self sufficient in life. Always worked, payed bills, food, clothing, entertainment, etc. We did things together on the money part. I was always responsible in that aspect. Never appealed to me to be otherwise.
If men are expected to all, that is not real. He is not a slave or a master. Times have changed by society, women years ago worked in the home taking care of the home and the children. Last 30 or so years as the divorce rate increased, the women had to learn a trade and go out to work while still caring for the home and children.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:37 PM |
Obligation |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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Does anyone consider sex an obligation in a relationship or marriage? If so, why?
In my book, sex is not, should not be, and never will be an obligation in any relationship! As stated above, there has to be a MUTUAL DESIRE....and if two people love each other and in all other respects have a great relationship, this desire simply may not materialize at just the same moment for both people. Doesn't mean anything is wrong - just means one wants it NOW....the other may want it LATER. Timing, just a matter of timing....
And...in those relationships that are NOT doing so well, it should still never be an obligation. Interesting to think about...when married to my ex, I always wanted to "make love"...if she was "in the mood" the MOST she'd admit to is "wanting to have sex", and most of the time when that happened, the things she said in offering sounded very much like she was offering a "mercy f***" which, as you've probably already guessed, I'm not interested in. So I would forego the opportunity to have sex. As SunBabe put it - There's nothing worse than the feeling of being humped like a dispassionate whore - only this is a feeling not reserved exclusively for a woman.
And Godless - start slamming (LOL) - but not me. Sex is NOT a need. Food, shelter, clothing? THOSE are needs. Sex may contribute to your overall satisfaction with life, it may even contribute to the number of years you live (depending on which study you read), but is is NOT a basic need, is NOT something needed to sustain life on a daily basis.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:43 PM |
Obligation
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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Where have you found these real women who act like women and are not selfish and think the man should do everything in total
Excuse me... I am one of those REAL WOMEN!! 
But if a man EVER approached me with THAT attitude ---->
Sex is not an obligation it is a NECESSITY. And when you are not in the mood go take an aspirin and get in the mood. It is very strange that a woman seems to have to get in the mood while the so called male animal wants to stay in the mood. This is why marriages fail in total because the woman just is not in the mood. Why isn't the woman in the mood.
If the man works all day and the woman works all day and they split household duties then both of them should always be in the mood....WHY NOT ?????
...you can bet your hip-boots that I'd find the BALLS to kick him to the curb before he even stepped onto the sidewalk.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:44 PM |
Obligation |
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father_heart
Posts: 1,106
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yes, i feel obligated to make love to my lover.
I hope she would feel the same for me.
Just because Im not in the need for release the is unquic to sex, doesnt mean my partner, whom im investing al life time hopefully of happiness in may have said need.
Because being in my best interest, im caring for her.
isnt that one of the many little reason and benifits of coupling up?
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:46 PM |
Obligation
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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Sex is not an obligation it is a NECESSITY. And when you are not in the mood go take an aspirin and get in the mood. It is very strange that a woman seems to have to get in the mood while the so called male animal wants to stay in the mood. This is why marriages fail in total because the woman just is not in the mood. Why isn't the woman in the mood.
If the man works all day and the woman works all day and they split household duties then both of them should always be in the mood....WHY NOT ?????
Did no one EVER tell you that men and women are DIFFERENT? Sounds to me like you're looking for a meaningful relationship with a MAN, if you want your partner to ALWAYS be in the mood...like you say that you are.
Think of it from your woman's perspective. She'd be thinking, "He is ALWAYS in the mood, and what's the matter with HIM? Why is he ALWAYS in the mood? Why can't he be SOMETIMES in the mood? It seems strange that a man doesn't have to 'get in the mood' , that he can always be that way. This is why marriages fail, because the man is always in the mood. Why can't he just go take a cold shower and get out of the mood?"
Seems to me like some basic education in relationships and the way the majority of each sex views things would do a world of good.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:49 PM |
Obligation |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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I with you on your post "Jester". Marriage and/or relationship is an obligated institute in itself. All that makes the marriage and/or relationship closes with mutual bond no matter what the their concept of percentage. Its the giving of both and in how they give makes the quality of their bond strong and everlasting.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:50 PM |
Obligation
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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I have had this conversation with friends of mine and they compain their wife is never in the mood. This may cause some ruffled feathers but I do feel that it is in the best interest of either partner even when not in the mood to get into the mood. Maybe not so much gettin action on the side. Really, it just takes a little flirting laughter touching and kissing and the ball should start rolling......Nothin better then smoochin and layin with the one ya dig.....
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:53 PM |
Obligation |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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Thats so true...One partner maybe fully relaxed at the moment and in that same moment the other partner tearing hair out cause of the toilet backed up... 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:55 PM |
Obligation
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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I have had this conversation with friends of mine and they compain their wife is never in the mood.
And...what is the reason that they're never in the mood?
Has the husband been seducing the wife since they
both woke up that morning?
Most women don't have an on/off switch, soooo.....
We men have to figure out a way to warm that woman up...
...slowly....and put her in the right frame of mind such
that she DOES get in the mood.....no?
Really, it just takes a little flirting laughter touching and kissing and the ball should start rolling.....
My point exactly....he's got to get her IN the mood....
...and once there, he'd better make sure he's had
PLENTY of rest!!!! 
[Edited on 2/5/2006 5:56 PM]
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:59 PM |
Obligation |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,063
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I think the word "never" is over exagerated. 
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