| Jun 1, 2006 @ 10:58 AM |
Best friend with benefits
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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It wouldn't make any sense to look for a best friend. We look for friends and, over time, one of them turns out to be our best friend. Seems like this relates to dating as well.
It's tempting to say that we look for friends and one of them turns out to be the love of our life, but it doesn't work that way. In my experience, once a woman thinks of you as a friend you will never be anything more. And if she says, "Let's just be friends", she is politely showing you the door.
Looking for the "one" seems like an exercise in futility. So... maybe we should be looking for friends with benefits, in hopes that one of them will, over time, turn out to be our best friend with benefits.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 11:37 AM |
Best friend with benefits |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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I know some people have FWBs and can seemingly make it work. I can't and never have. I don't understand the whole concept, frankly.
I know sex can be purely mechanical and unemotional, but my concern is from a hygienic pov. And what about simple common sense?
If you have a FWB, or several, no strings attached, that you only see every once in awhile for some nookie and sexual release, aren't you at least a little bit curious and concerned about what they're doing between servicing? Don't you think it's safe to assume that with their morality (or lack of it) they also have other FWBs, so their sexual encounters are multiplied x-fold?
All I can say is you better be using some stringent protection when you make love with these people or sooner of later, you are going to get burned.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 12:00 PM |
Best friend with benefits
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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I think you may be confusing FWB's with casual dating. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I just know that searching for "the one" doesn't work for me. I need a new strategy.
BTW, I think the whole STD thing is grossly overblown.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 12:09 PM |
Best friend with benefits |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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Oh yes, I definitely don't agree with the concept of "The One", the perfect soulmate. The most you can aspire to is a partner with more positive than negative compatibilities. You'll never get everything you want. Same with them and you.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 12:43 PM |
Best friend with benefits
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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Don’t get me started on “FRIENDS FIRST” - in the real world - Billie meets Susie and neither one are thinking friends first. Maybe if Billie meets Susie’s friend - then friends ONLY works fine - but Susie ............. Susie is Susie and Billie wants her for a girl friend - a whole different thing.
I have NEVER seen an attractive female and said “boy I wish I was her friend”
I don’t even care for casual sex (tried it at first - it was EVERYWHERE and hollow) - a friend with benefits gets kinda close to casual sex.
BUT ......... after three years of not understanding casual dating or casual sex (they are the same thing most of the time and WHY even do it) ...... I am getting pretty affection starved and I am NOT talking about sex. I am talking about just being around a female.
I have never EVER and don’t expect I will ever - have a female friend turn to more than a just a friend. A friend is a friend you don’t go to bed with your friend.
BUT ......... it sure looks more and more tempting the longer I am single. I am STILL not talking about just sex - I am talking about human contact - up close. I do think an honest FWB would have one hell of a lot more class than boinking everyone you come across.
I don’t know about anyone else - I am NOT “horny” - but I do very much miss a female touch.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 12:52 PM |
Best friend with benefits |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
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Looking for the "one" seems like an exercise in futility. So... maybe we should be looking for friends with benefits, in hopes that one of them will, over time, turn out to be our best friend with benefits.
Grey I think it sometimes is just a matter of wording. The statement friends with benefits has been used as a phrase to connotate something very casual and in manys views something negative. What difference does it make if you are looking for the "one" or your "best friend with benefits". Isn't it all the same anyway? Arn't we all looking for someone we are compatable with, someone we find attractive for whatever reasons? And isn't this what the whole "dating" thing is supposed to be about? Meeting people to get to know each other, see if we click, see if perhaps we may have some kind of future together.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 4:19 PM |
Best friend with benefits
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,342
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maybe we should be looking for friends with benefits, in hopes that one of them will, over time, turn out to be our best friend with benefits.
Maybe I just don't get it, but I can't imagine any other way for it to work. I've said before that I found my 'one' many years ago...we were friends for quite awhile before we became more than that...about 7 months in fact, if I remember rightly (and I do). Long before we even held hands, he was someone I talked to, played chess with and debated just about anything you want to name with. We traded books and music and met each others' other friends and families. Was there a physical attraction too? Eventually, but not at first.
How does one look for 'the one' without even getting to know them? It's probably also why I consider my guidelines in my profile to be only that...he'd never have fit within my normal parameters. Neither would last boyfriend, nor I within his. I still don't know what possessed him to widen his search criteria, but I'm glad he did, even if it wasn't a forever deal. Not many things are in life...so does that mean we shouldn't enjoy something that's pretty wonderful, because it may not last?
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
Best friend with benefits |
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happygrlok
Posts: 4,349
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I agree wtih you Heaven.
A man on MD sent me a wink last November and I wrote back and thanked him for the compliment. We started talking as friends and after a while he suggested we meet. I told him I felt he was to young for me. There is a ten year difference between us and the only reason I started talking to him was because he was from my hometown. We talked a little more and decided to meet and I am glad we did. The age difference did not make any difference to him. The point is I then wanted to change my criteria and expanded my paramaters. I fit what he was looking for according to his profile, but he did not fit mine. If I had not changed my thinking about younger men I would have missed an opportunity to met a wonderful man. I think the biggest factor is being able to be flexible with our thinking as long as it does not conflict with our values and morales.
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| Jun 1, 2006 @ 5:42 PM |
Best friend with benefits
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minky
Posts: 239
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I think if a man VALUED a woman as a person, for qualities other than sexual
attractiveness, he would be amazed how easily things may go his way.
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 1:38 AM |
Best friend with benefits |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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I think if a man VALUED a woman as a person, for qualities other than sexual attractiveness, he would be amazed how easily things may go his way.
I doubt seriously that any man posting in these forums is concerned ONLY with sexual attractiveness, yet the stereotype is assumed to be true and we are treated as if it were true.
Personally, aside from sexual attractiveness, I value a relaxed, friendly atmosphere, replete with mutual trust, positive reinforcement and lots of smiles. We are in this together. As it says in my profile, I am looking for sanctuary.
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 8:28 AM |
Best friend with benefits
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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Good way to put it, Grey and Minky. 
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 3:14 PM |
Best friend with benefits |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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I understand this concept fully...FWB is much deeper than F***Buddy -- and 10 times more rewarding for both parties.
BEST FWB is even more so. 
...Nah, I see no allure at all getting involved (especially at this stage of my life) with anyone who didn't value me as a PERSON, first and foremost. Same goes for me when I peek at the fellas: it's the PERSON behind the bod that attracts me. If that person comes in a tasty package, all the better  
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 3:17 PM |
Best friend with benefits
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father_heart
Posts: 1,106
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my benifit will be my best friend.......
the best friend comes first
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 3:42 PM |
Best friend with benefits |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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the best friend comes first
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 3:56 PM |
Best friend with benefits
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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its strange really, the internet.
In person most guys are really different than the ones online. I am NOT trying to imply anything about the posters here but the women i talk to really get alot of emails from guys who are interested in sex and if a relationship comes later then thats fine that also goes for the ladies that meet guys in person in standard manners.
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| Jun 2, 2006 @ 5:29 PM |
Best friend with benefits |
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lacyvsq
Posts: 4,306
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that also goes for the ladies that meet guys in person in standard manners.
I am confused by this statement. Are you saying that most of the ladies that meet guys in person are looking first for sex and then a relationship? Maybe that's what guys mean when they say I am different than most of the women they meet. I am interested in friends first. I have had relationships go from friends to FWBs and back to friends only, but the sex first thing has not happened in many years.
I think Grey may have the right idea -- except that I would like to feel I was being cultivated as a friend first and the benefits would be something that got added in when there was something a little more -- like horny season for instance, or a time when one or the other needed comfort or something more. I am not so sure I would like to be pursued as a FWB from the outset.
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| Jun 3, 2006 @ 1:52 AM |
Best friend with benefits
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CaNaturalBlonde
Posts: 1,809
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I disagree with you, Sunbabe. Fk buddies and FWB is the same damn thing! You're not going to fk some you don't like, so the 2 people are friends in both cases.
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| Jun 3, 2006 @ 1:57 AM |
Best friend with benefits |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Not at all, a f***-buddy is someone you obviously like, but you only meet him/her for sex, whereas a FWB is not only someone you like, but someone you are friends with, and when you meet it is not necessarily for sex, it could be for a walk in the park, a cup of coffee or whatever. You don't meet a f***-buddy for anything other than sex.
Of course it is all semantics, and people may (and obviously do) interpret the things differently, so Sunny was not wrong, but perhaps you see it in a different way to her.
So no, f***-buddies and FWB are not necessarily the same damn thing!
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| Jun 3, 2006 @ 2:00 AM |
Best friend with benefits
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CaNaturalBlonde
Posts: 1,809
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What-ev-ah!!!!!
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| Jun 3, 2006 @ 2:04 AM |
Best friend with benefits |
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CaNaturalBlonde
Posts: 1,809
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Chinabull, I never said "sunny" was wrong. I said I disagreed with her. I was only expressing my opinion, so CHILL DUDE!
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