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| Jul 13, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
So what would you do?
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guiltless
Posts: 57
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We all (Hopefully) have had lovers in our past, some were great, some not. But for love, you finally married. Now the person your going to spend the rest of your life with is GREAT!, and you have a very good relationship with them, but sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, you go back in time to the BEST lover you ever had.
In other words what if the person you fell in love and married, turns out NOT to be the best lover you ever had?
do you:
a) Relive those memories, only in your mind.
b) Tell your wife (partner) about them and attempt to bring some of the heat from that prior relationship into your marriage.Done carefully so as not to hurt her feelings.
c) Let it go dude it's over, that ship has sailed.
d) (Insert other option here)
Lets hear from you ladies.
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| Jul 13, 2006 @ 5:15 PM |
So what would you do? |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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FYI, there's no way to tell your current partner (wife/husband/whatever) that your previous lover was much better in bed, and NOT hurt their feelings.
"Honey, it doesn't matter that she was fantastic in bed and you're not! I married YOU, didn't I?"
See? Doesn't work.
MJ
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| Jul 13, 2006 @ 7:36 PM |
So what would you do?
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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You almost have to do "C"
When I was a kid I had some pretty dang good sex - then I got married to a ok but not that great sex for 16 years.
Then for a year I had a live in girl friend that was OMG GREAT - but she was a liar - a thief.
Then I got married (17 years) to a gal that I respected very much but was not all that sexual. I sure did not put her down or try to change her. I accepted her - the way she was.
This is off topic a bit but - many of the gals before I got married - many of them in between marriages - and the few I have been with (just two) since I got divorced really did think "I am female - I am naked that is all I need to be" And that is too bad.
I don't ever expect to be around another gal like the one between my marriages (unless you pay for some "acting" aka professional) but I would rather be with a sincere normal person than a knock my sox off in bed and be a major PITA the rest of the time - like she was.
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| Jul 13, 2006 @ 7:46 PM |
So what would you do? |
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Red69Sun
Posts: 1,102
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Option D - Be proactive and change! Encourage and educate yourself and your partner to expand ones horizons.
Consider a Tantra class or two....the both of you attending and expand your potential and understanding......it's all about education and understanding......really!!! Make your life and your partner's your own........forget the others (water under the bridge), but use those experiences as a basis to move forward and towards it if you enjoyed it.........Do not embarass your partner, allow them to save face........if you honestly let them know what feels good to you........and they really love you.......they will try it out..........and go with you.....but you have to communicate........It's all about your intent and communication/sound, breathing, and movement.......... 
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| Jul 14, 2006 @ 4:50 PM |
So what would you do?
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guiltless
Posts: 57
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I'm guessing that the majority out there married the best lover they ever had. 
Still I have to believe that even if they are GOOD in bed, there COULD be room for improvement. Ok, So how do you explore that alley, without hurting feelings.
I can hear it now:
"You want me to what?"
"Where did you ever get an idea like that?"
"It's that awful internet isn't it? Oral sex! You are crazy!"
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| Jul 14, 2006 @ 5:29 PM |
So what would you do? |
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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 so, would you rather have good in bed and bad in life? or ok in bed and great in life? I WANT IT ALL- everyone laughing now??? 
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| Jul 14, 2006 @ 5:59 PM |
So what would you do?
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nom_de_plume
Posts: 5
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d) Remember that "the best lover you ever had" is an ex for a reason, and it takes 2 to have a great sex life. Talk to your wife, but do NOT tell her your ex was better in bed. That will accomplish nothing but hurting your wife very deeply. Talk with her about spicing things up; do whatever you can to make her comfortable exploring her sexuality.
And eveything red69sun said! Communication really is the key. Encourage her without making her feel like she isn't enough. Take it slow--baby steps--so you don't shock her too badly.
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| Jul 14, 2006 @ 6:06 PM |
So what would you do? |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Off topic, but...nom de plume, I LOVE your nom de plume! 
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| Jul 14, 2006 @ 6:22 PM |
So what would you do?
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nom_de_plume
Posts: 5
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Off topic, but...nom de plume, I LOVE your nom de plume!
Thank you very much! 
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| Jul 15, 2006 @ 9:42 AM |
So what would you do? |
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Fae2591
Posts: 73
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I think things balance out. My absolutely almost perfect husband who died spoiled me for all other men. He was like prince charming, and I still can't believe I was even allowed by God to have him for the short time I did and have a child with him. No one else has ever measured up to him, and to be honest, I don't think there are a lot of him out there, so I won't even try to find one.
As for the sex, I've actually been in relationships where the guy was so great in other ways that the sex was something I did just for him, to show appreciation for his other good qualities. I found other ways to please myself, and he never knew. He thought he was great in bed.
You know, I guess that's the one area where I WILL lie, because it's such a sensitive thing. If you've done all the "tweaking" and communicating your needs, and it still isn't what you need it to be, but there are 100 other reasons to stay, yeah, let him think he's great in bed and be happy.
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| Jul 15, 2006 @ 11:21 AM |
So what would you do?
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ynot77
Posts: 453
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wiccked
Posts: 41
so, would you rather have good in bed and bad in life? or ok in bed and great in life? I WANT IT ALL- everyone laughing now???
not laughing.......see 'we are the champions'' go for it ALL....!!! 
no 1/2stepping or settling for 2nd best! 
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| Jul 15, 2006 @ 2:31 PM |
So what would you do? |
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luvshorses644
Posts: 1,571
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OP, if your wife that you love and married but is not as great as the 10 you previously said still makes you hot and bothered whenever you think about her read your other posts here, she already knows.
Listen to what Red69Sun said.. communication. You have a great wife.. (that is what you state here) .. but you are still hanging onto the sex with the 10? Why not try communicating to your wife that you would like to try something different in the boudouir.. if you are not comfortable with attending tantra classes there are wonderful books that explain the positions, you and she could sit down with one of these books and discuss your interest in them. If nothing else, sometimes just this type of discussion is all a woman needs. Remember to openly and honestly whisper in her ears when you are making love how much you enjoy what she is doing, give her little subtle clues what you would like to try, sweet little kisses and affirmations of what is right with what she does goes a long way further than communicating what is lacking.. this will confirm her self-esteem and, as we all are humans, the more self-esteem we have the better we are with anything.
In one previous thread you posted that you had a discussion about your best lover and perhaps that may have influenced her in some subliminal way that she is even not aware of.
Communication, communication, communication and tenderness in any relationship, on any and all levels, is what keeps that love burning and more times than not turns it even higher. When someone you love shares what they like and what makes them feel good and discusses their dreams and their hopes with you you deepen that honest feeling of love. Remember what WickedWench posted in one of the other threads... the brain is the largest sex organ each of us possess. If your wife knows how much you cherish her and you discuss your desires in a loving and playful way.. well, who knows what heights your lovemaking will reach!!!
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| Jul 15, 2006 @ 2:51 PM |
So what would you do?
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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You NEVER compare your current partner to any of your previous partners!! Good or great sex is a lot to do with communication, guiding and leading each other as you come to know each others bodeis intimately. There is always much to learn with a new partner.
Saying all that, I would most certainly sacrifice a great sex-life if she is the woman I have been waiting, but that is not to say that I wouldn't make some attempts to make our sex-life better.
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| Jul 15, 2006 @ 10:30 PM |
So what would you do? |
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tyrannyforyou
Posts: 3,066
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if i truly love this person, why would i give a crap if some other woman was better at sex? love and lust are two different things.
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| Jul 16, 2006 @ 3:04 AM |
So what would you do?
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nuclearvanilla
Posts: 200
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"Honey, it doesn't matter that she was fantastic in bed and you're not! I married YOU, didn't I?"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I loved that one.
Just my opinion on this one, since I haven't been wed just yet. I think it's something to fix as a couple, since a healthy sex life should be important in any relationship as well as the other things. It can be worked on, and whatever can be done, should be done, but just remember, you're not with him/her for their ass, that's just icing on the cake. :)
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| Jul 17, 2006 @ 8:35 AM |
So what would you do? |
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guiltless
Posts: 57
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Well one of the best things about this forum is the diversity and wisdom of the people here. Thank you all for your candid and insightful knowledge.
I have already began the process of opening up communications on this subject with my wife. Slow and gently steering her to discuss the subject, and opening the possibilities if change. Being married for all these years, we have both found a comfort level with the issues we discuss, and like any couple we have found ourselves in a "rut". It happens.
I have taked the advise offered here to heart, Communication, and patience are my allies.
Thanks again for your help and thought on this.
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| Jul 17, 2006 @ 11:39 AM |
So what would you do?
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Cidronlvnv
Posts: 285
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I happen to be lucky, my wife fit both.. best as well as latest.. problem is, latest stopped. 
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| Jul 19, 2006 @ 11:29 AM |
So what would you do? |
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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d) (Insert other option here)
I would analyse what it was in whatever past experience it was in the so called "best" lover I had and try to incorporate it into what I have now.Then again, you have to ask yourself what it was and why it was that was such a turn on.It's kind of like watching a new Star Wars movie and you leave it thinking that it wasn't as good as the original.Well, heck, when the original was released I was a teenager, of course it was better then, I hadn't experienced another 30 years of life then so I was more easily impressed.
Time has a way of filtering and tinting memories good and bad.
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| Jul 20, 2006 @ 10:21 AM |
So what would you do?
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guiltless
Posts: 57
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You make a good point, and infact your right. The things about "Michelle" that were so absolutely fabulous, have dimmed with time. However even the dim memories are enough to get a rise out of me all these years later.
I'm not making a conscious effort to compare the physical side of my current marriage with the lovers of the past. It's just that every now and then my mind goes back to those days.
Nice thing about getting older, your memories fade at about the same rate as the rest of you.
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| Jul 20, 2006 @ 12:11 PM |
So what would you do? |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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I would say lets experiment. Explore and try some new things.
Tell her sex is great -- and trying new things can only make it better!
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