| May 7 @ 2:06 AM |
Have you ever...
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Attended a funeral or wedding or other religious ceremony and either felt outta place or what have you because you were not of that religion???
Okay Im gonna open up a bit here.. In the past few years I have been unfortunately in the position of having to attend too many funerals for my tastes... unfortunate because of the loss of life of those who the funeral is for..and the fact that I would miss them  Now at a few of them they were at funeral homes and a few in churches and one I attended today at graveside... It got me to thinking ... as I felt the pain of those who were related to the man ...how we accept others religious ceremonies and rites and try to comply with the wishes of the living relatives or the person having the ceremony.. We attend and comply by following suit in actions and word without thinking.. I know I caught myself today actually mouthing the words as the preacher said them they were from Psalm 23 .. "the lord is my shepherd..." and the old actions I learned while a practicing Catholic followed suit .. subconsciously knowing that the family is Catholic ...and after realizing that, I reflected on the other funerals I had been to ...my bro in law Clairs.. Devout Catholic and yes I even started mouthing the words during his service .. the actions (stand sit kneel bow your head amens etc) all flowed effortlessly ...I was lost in the moment knowing I was in his church and complied and followed his examples of worship...Some are easy to comply with others might rankle my very core but to appease and be supportive of the families etc I find we more often than not just go with the flow.. out of respect for their beliefs and to help celebrate their day whether it be a weddin, a baptism, a funeral etc .. we just go along .. not wanting to make a fuss or cause a scene by say, not bowing your head or (in olden days like when I was a kid ) wearing a veil in church or a yarmulke in Temple etc.. we choose to just go with the flow.
Now today as I sat next to the man I love at this funeral it just felt RIGHT to go with the flow.. not that I could have stopped myself if I had the notion... but just because I was there to support him and his family and out of respect and love in this case I echoed their actions...
My question is.. have you ever attended a service from another religion where you simply could not or would not go with the flow?? And I guess the question that follows that is then why did you attend??
I know most of you will say you attended but felt outta place .. well no duh.. it is not your belief of course you would feel outta place... but how did you cope and here is the big thing.. did you feel you violated YOUR core beliefs in complying with the honorees wishes??
I personally have never felt I violated my beliefs because if an action of a ceremony bothered me such as a certain prayer or singing or what have you I would simply bow my head as if in deep prayer (which I usually was ) till the ritual passed..
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| May 7 @ 2:21 AM |
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Peabianjay
Posts: 1,790
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I've never felt out of place.
Whether I go with the flow, or quietly stay out of the way, depends on the nature of the ceremony.
Either way, I'm there out of respect. Those that recognize "I don't fit in", aren't gonna hold it against me, for they know I'm there out of respect.
Those that can't accept that...well....screw 'm. 
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| May 7 @ 6:01 AM |
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eyesofastranger
Posts: 931
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Jay is right we are there out of respect.
To look at things from a human animal perspective, we bury the body for respect and to stop it from being maimed and eaten. This has even been found true with Neanderthals.
Becky you don't have to feel any discomfort about what ritual a family chooses. The ritual predates any religion currently known. Given my position and i found out I will die tomorrow. The psalm has been a ritual for so long now why not, and I want saving grace playing. I once knew someone named Grace that had a big place in my heart before she died.
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| May 7 @ 9:27 AM |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,915
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The only time I ever felt out of place was when I was the pallbearer for a deceased person that I never knew had been alive at one time...until he died. 
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| May 7 @ 9:20 PM |
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carpediem48
Posts: 3,372
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Becky,,,my first reaction to your post was a 'When in Rome' response
'Going with the Flow' is an experience I am interested in understanding and developing,,,,but then,,,,another thought occurred to me,,,,,,,,,,,,darn that two sided coin  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
What if the funeral was for a close relative or 'significant other',,,,and I 'knew' that they shared my 'present' hypothesis re the afterlife etc,,,,,hmmmmm,,,,this could be a challenge for me if the funeral didn't reflect what I knew to be the deceased attitudes.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,,,,,,I hope I would be able to overcome and get back in the flow because my negative reaction might also dishonour the person who had passed.
Perhaps I might employ a 'translation' process,,,
or,,,,perhaps I might be connscious enuf to feel that if the deceased wasn't going to be offended,,,,why should I
Great post Becks 
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| May 8 @ 12:18 AM |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Carpe.. I see where you are coming from totally.. hence when we had a service for my Bro Eddie when he passed it was in no way religious..even tho my sister is very religious..and my bro was raised Catholic like the rest of us.. we BOTH knew (my sis and me) that my brother was not a religious person he was more of a PEOPLE person.. a here and now person.. a good guy who loved people and respected their beliefs like I do and just like me did not force his own beliefs on anyone.. and would become a bit sarcastic and condescending when others would try to force their beliefs on him.. so we had a memorial service instead..where the PEOPLE in his life could share their thoughts about him etc. Held in a American Legion hall (he was a veteran) it was JUST what we all family and friends alike knew he woulda wanted..his PEOPLE laughin and enjoying and celebrating his life and was topped off by a memorial bracket race in his honor  (he died on the drag strip) I know it musta been hard for my sister and maybe a few others to understand my brothers belief and his reasons for not staying with the church.. but out of respect and because we KNEW how he believed (well mostly ) we honored his wishes and even my nephew who gave the eulogy incorporated the essence of my bro in it..it was filled with laughter and when people came up to share their thoughts it was comfortable for them to do so...this is what Im talking about..a comfort thing...sometimes its very hard to feel comfortable while attending a religious service and yet we do so out of respect and love ..
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| May 8 @ 12:36 AM |
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katydid438
Posts: 8,023
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Now today as I sat next to the man I love at this funeral it just felt RIGHT to go with the flow.. not that I could have stopped myself if I had the notion... but just because I was there to support him and his family and out of respect and love in this case I echoed their actions...
I think you just answered your own question Becky 
I think that most people attend religious ceremonies such as a baptism and at the end, a funeral ,out of love and respect. But at the other end of the spectrum there are those who have to attend these ceremonies because of either social or political obligations.
I feel that no matter what the religion or my beliefs,,, if I truly have feeling for the deceased or the family, my inner feelings are between me and my god.
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| May 8 @ 4:24 PM |
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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Attended a funeral or wedding or other religious ceremony and either felt outta place or what have you because you were not of that religion???
I wouldn't say that I felt out of place at my aunt's funeral back in 2000, but since she was catholic and I was raised Baptist, I really couldn't follow much of the service and it got very tiring to me. They had a team of people, who after the eulogy did a litany of hail marys which lasted at least half an hour. It was quite tiring.
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| May 8 @ 5:03 PM |
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eastham
Posts: 7,919
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Well, I come from a different place as I go to funerals for a living (sort of like Prince Charles, but without the fabulous wealth and the really ugly wife).
Anyway, I've never felt uncomfortable as I view them as learning experiences. Ever been to a Hindu funeral? They pull the casket from the hearse onto a sheet. They have a ceremony called the 5 steps that involves prayers, chanting, walking around the casket clockwise. There are regional variations. Sometimes the casket goes straight into the retort, sometimes they open it to add spices and ghee (always have to tell the crematory operator this fact as the fat can increase the temperature inside the unit). I've had Buddhist, combo Jewish/New Age American Indian, Orthodox of all stripes, various Protestant, Sikh, etc. I just think it's all very interesting.
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| May 8 @ 6:07 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,622
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Ditto here, even been to Hindu weddings (but not all three days of them). It's fascinating and I have no problem going with the flow, regardless of how my beliefs mesh (or not) with theirs.
As stated before, it's about respect for the person and that person's family. It's also about intentions - even if there's a 'disconnect' between the service and the deceased's beliefs, I figure the intention was good and if it makes those left behind feel better, it's all good.
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| May 9 @ 12:53 AM |
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carpediem48
Posts: 3,372
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Becky,,,,when you described your brothers memorial service so beautifully ,,,,I found myself wishing I could have been there 
I am so glad for you that you were able to experience it that way
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| May 9 @ 7:20 AM |
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79USMC83
Posts: 12
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Yes, Just attended my 98 year old aunt's funeral. The thing is though no one is really putting the uncomfortable thoughts in my head accept me!!!! Funny thing is I do not belong to any church LOL!!!! But I do have a wondrfull relationship with God!!
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| May 9 @ 9:04 PM |
Have you ever...
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Yes different ceremonies can be fascinating but also can cause us to wonder what its all about... I know at my mothers service .. we had her laid out in one room for viewing and held the eulogy in another since there were people who did not wish to view. As I stood there looking at my mom .. all dressed up and looking like she was ready to hit the dance floor... I watched... I watched people come in.. stand back and pay their respects or come in and come to the front to say goodbye.. then as a few family members and others were sitting talking one of my mothers best friends came in .. tears streaming ... veil in place.. (even tho this was not in a church) and approach my mother in state... she bent down and kissed my mom on her forehead on her hands and on her feet while saying a prayer and the look of shock on some peoples faces was to me, funny... you see I KNEW why she did that .. they did not... they just thought whata weird thing to do.. Some even looked offended, but looked to me as if to say ... what is going on?? I just smiled knowing that was her way of saying goodbye .. according to her customs.. (she was from Mexico) and I was assured that my mother appreciated that we let her friends say goodbye like they wanted to. Me I kinda went against the norm myself.. and brought her fav perfume and put some on her as she lay in state.. I mean she had to have some on yanno?? being all dressed up and such I probably horrified a few people... but to me that was my way of telling mom it was okay to go ...she had a big dance to get to !!! So you see it can not only be a religious ceremony that causes some to squirm with the rituals... but just people being people ...and showing their love for a lost one. Whatever it is .. we usually as caring people go with the flow .. and that is a good thing.. I just wish that it could spread to other things .. like letting others believe as they wish and if we dont like it then we just bow our heads till it passes..
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