| Jun 4 @ 11:38 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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iam01
Posts: 6,283
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Rules:
1) Find the silliest scripture you can find from either the Old Testament or the New Testament.
2) Post no more than 10 consecutive verses just to keep things simple, small and easy to read.
3) You are allowed to resubmit as many times as you want as long as the new submission is sillier than the last.
4) After a decent number of submission we can all vote who had the silliest scripture.
Winner gets free beer 
[Edited on 6/4/2009 11:46 PM]
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| Jun 4 @ 11:49 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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iam01
Posts: 6,283
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Isaiah 20
3 And the LORD said, Like as my servant Isaiah hath walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and wonder upon Egypt and upon Ethiopia; 4 So shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians prisoners, and the Ethiopians captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt.
Walking around exposing your ass for three years is really very silly. 
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| Jun 5 @ 5:51 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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eyesofastranger
Posts: 930
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Zechariah 2:6 "Ho there! Flee from the land of the north," declares the LORD, "for I have dispersed you as the four winds of the heavens," declares the LORD.
Santa is real?
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| Jun 5 @ 7:06 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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sail_dancer
Posts: 9,866
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2 Kings
19:35 And it came to pass that night, that the angel of the LORD went out, and smote in the camp of the Assyrians an hundred fourscore and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.
The angel of the Lord went out and smote (killed) a "hundred fourscore and five thousand" Assyrians and the next morning the Assyrians arose and realized they were dead.
Peace
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| Jun 5 @ 7:35 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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sealacamp
Posts: 3,681
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When he got home, he took a knife and cut his concubine’s body into twelve pieces. Then he sent one piece to each tribe throughout all the territory of Israel.
Keep your rules just read the book.
S
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| Jun 5 @ 7:48 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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iam01
Posts: 6,283
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 Whats the silly part? Murdering and dismembering a woman or sending her body parts to each tribe?
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| Jun 5 @ 9:27 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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Well, here are some silly names I found in the Bible.
Gen.22:21 Huz his firstborn and Buz his brother.....maybe they were twins?
Gen.46:21 And the sons of Benjamin were.......Muppim and Huppim....more twins?
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| Jun 5 @ 10:42 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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Jdg.3:31 After him came Shamgar the son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad; and he also saved Israel.
Shamgar killed 600 people with an oxgoad? Will miracles never cease in the Bible?
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| Jun 5 @ 10:47 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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iam01
Posts: 6,283
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Its very possible Biblical writers were really comedy writers laughing their asses off. That probably prompted them to write about a talking ass.
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| Jun 5 @ 10:55 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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1Sa 17:49 And David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone, and slung it, and struck the Philistine on his forehead; the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the ground.
1Sa 17:50 So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and struck the Philistine, and killed him; there was no sword in the hand of David.
1Sa 17:51 Then David ran and stood over the Philistine, and took his sword and drew it out of its sheath, and killed him, and cut off his head with it. When the Philistines saw that their champion was dead, they fled.
I guess it's hard to keep a good man down....or a bad man dead because David had to kill Goliath twice before he finally died.
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| Jun 5 @ 10:58 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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Its very possible Biblical writers were really comedy writers laughing their asses off. That probably prompted them to write about a talking ass.
The thing about the talking ass that bothers me the most is that Baalam spoke back to the ass. I have 2 cats and if either one of them spoke to me, I'd be passed out on the floor, or running in terror. But, Baalam actually spoke to this ass and the Bible just reports it as if it were an everyday occurance.
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| Jun 5 @ 11:02 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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iam01
Posts: 6,283
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I have 2 cats and if either one of them spoke to me, I'd be passed out on the floor, or running in terror. How about this talking cat?
http://videos.matchdoctor.com/53502/Oh_Long_Johnson.html
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| Jun 7 @ 4:27 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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j_goose
Posts: 2,911
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I can't believe I missed this thread....
Here's one...
Exekiel 20:25-26 I also gave them over to satutes that were not good and laws they could not live by; I let them become defiled through their gifts--the sacrifice of every first born--that I might fill them with horror so they would know that I am the LORD.
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| Jun 7 @ 6:27 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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j_goose
Posts: 2,911
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 Deuteronomy 22:20-1 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house
Who was the lucky bastard that got the job of checking out all those hymens?
Ez 23:19Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
20For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
Hung like donkeys and blew loads like horses!!!!
Ok, this one's not as good
Deu 23:1 No one whose testicles are crushd or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD.
God only wants REAL MEN in heaven
[Edited on 6/7/2009 6:39 PM]
[Edited on 6/7/2009 6:57 PM]
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| Jun 7 @ 9:29 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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Here's one from the Qur'an in Surah 2
67. And [recall] when Moses said to his people; "Indeed, Allah commands you to slaughter a cow." They said, "Do you take us in ridicule?" He said, " I seek refuge in Allah from being among the ignorant."
68. They said, "Call upon your Lord, to make clear to us what is is." [Moses] said, "[Allah] says, "It is a cow,which is neither old nor virgin, but median between that, so do what you are commanded."
69. They said, "Call upon your Lord to show us what is her color." He said, "He says, 'It is a yellow cow, bright in color - pleasing to the observers.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't ask, but how do they know the cow is a virgin?
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| Jun 7 @ 9:32 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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j_goose
Posts: 2,911
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Probably the same guy that checks out the hymens in the bible moonlights as a cow hymen examiner in the koran.
"It is a cow,which is neither old nor virgin, but median between that, so do what you are commanded."
WTF is the median between an old and virgin? middle aged and slutty?
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| Jun 7 @ 9:43 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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Probably the same guy that checks out the hymens in the bible moonlights as a cow hymen examiner in the koran.
I was thinking about that too, Goose. They sure seemed to "know" how to check out women and cows for virginity. Where in the Bible or Qur'an does it give detailed instructions for this? God should write a book to explain all the unexplainable passages in his "holy" books.
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| Jun 9 @ 11:16 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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I'm forcing myself to read the Qur'an and it's more bizarre than the Bible. Here's another gem.
Surah2
222. And they ask you about menstruation. Say, "It is harm so keep away from wives during menstruation. And do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purifed themselves, then come to them form where Allah has ordained for you. Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.
223. Your wives are a place of cultivation [i.e, sowing of seed] for you so come to your place of cutivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.
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| Jun 9 @ 4:23 PM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest.
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Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
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Deuteronomy 22:20-1 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house
Who was the lucky bastard that got the job of checking out all those hymens?
Ez 23:19Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
20For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
Hung like donkeys and blew loads like horses!!!!
I want the movie rights to this one! A new genre is born...Bible porn!
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| Jun 10 @ 9:44 AM |
The Silliest Scripture Contest. |
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Deborah551
Posts: 1,019
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I want the movie rights to this one! A new genre is born...Bible porn!
Yes, and they'd have an X rating too. I've seen enough Bible movies about Jesus, Moses, Abraham and other patriarchs. Why don't they do a movie with the murdering god, the god who encourages rape, the slavery god, the eye for an eye god, the god most christians know little about or haven't even heard of because their preachers don't preach about him.
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