| Oct 22, 2009 @ 11:08 PM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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SensualGemini
Posts: 7,460
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SL: How is pornography impacting the Christian individual? We've already posted some stats of the problem. I'll bring them up again for those who may have forgotten.
...Do you think anyone lied? After all, these 'Christian' stats are less than the average population stats. 
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| Oct 22, 2009 @ 11:42 PM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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I don't know if someone lied, SG.
I guess we can look at the possibility that it's all one great big conspiracy.
The only problem we'll have with this is how you'll explain why the religious and the non religious are cooperating in order to make the grand conspiracy happen.
Why is science cooperating? Why are countless in the profession of psychiatry, psychology, and even medical doctors cooperating and helping the conspiracy along?
Why are countless employers across the country pissed off because their employees are surfing porn at work on their dime? Why would they be in on the conspiracy?
Why is everyone lying about pornography and the impact it's having on so many?
Could it be that thou doth protest too much?
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 3:29 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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What is the relationship between God and sexuality?
What is God's intended purpose for our bodies and our sexuality? This is what God intends for all Christians, and actually what He intended for all of us when He made us, (imo).
The following Youtube is well done and is brief. The man speaking in it is Joshua Harris, who wrote the book, "Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is)."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Harris
Please take a look and consider what Mr. Harris is attempting to teach us:
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOD AND SEXUALITY
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 4:06 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 7,460
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SL: I guess we can look at the possibility that it's all one great big conspiracy.
...You missed it... go and find valid statistics for the normal population and then compare them to the Christian results you posted and you will notice by the "statistics," that the Christian population has less participation with pornography.
...Thus, unless some people lied in the polls, Christians have less of an issue with porn.
...Now, if pornography is immoral, is an addiction, then Christians would be more moral and with less addiction than mainstream society.
...Of course, you would probably be met with the argument that Christians are included in the statistics for mainstream society and you response would be that if they were taken out, then the number would be even higher for non-Christians, etc.
...That is and once again, unless people lied in the Christian poll taken.
You are not very good at this, are you? 
...Meantime, since adults can easily find consensual sex with adults, I would be interested in knowing how many child porn pervs are walking around in sheep skins, as this is far more damaging to innocent victims than adult porn will ever be.
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 7:16 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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eyesofastranger
Posts: 1,368
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In talking with a very educated person about these various fetishes I am left wondering how to raise a well rounded adult???? Hitler had a scat fetish that was blamed on bad potty training experiences. The youngest in a large family can end up with control and bondage fetish issues. What is the perfect mix or are we all on the edge? I am immune to porn cuz i have a wife that I have made into my own personal perfection, these 20lb over weight fake boob honeys to me are like the fat chick with the unibrow at the strip joint. I also see sex with no exchange of minds. even viagra couldn't take me there. I do recognize this is an obsession for many. The other online forum that I participate is a teckie forum and i help many steal porn and it drives their every second online.
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 7:28 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 10,213
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My take, in a nutshell, is that pornography is an extremely dangerous, rather subtle "evil." I call it evil because, in my opinion, it is exactly that. I have stats to back up how addictive porn is and how it has become one of the more prevalent addictions across the board, for Christian and non Christian alike. There are a host of reasons why I consider porn to be addictive for male and females these days, and many reasons why it is suddenly an issue for so many people, of all backgrounds, gender, and religions.
But let's talk about your opinions on porn, and if some are brave enough, your personal experience with it -- then tell us about your particular religious beliefs/spirituality and how porn manages to fit in as okay or not okay with your beliefs.
Well now, that's an interesting subject...but subjective as well.
Dangerous? Yes, perhaps for some. It (like anything else) can be dangerous when used to the extreme.
Too much wine.
Too much food.
Too much texting.
Too much time on a computer.
Really just about anything taken to excess.
I think it depends on where it's value is placed in your life.
As a couple I see no problem with porn. If it's something you both enjoy and it gets the juices flowing it can be used like any other type of sex play. Again...it's all about excess. If it's the only way you can find sex interesting with your partner, you've got a problem. And just like wine, there are a million different variations and types, so it's up to the couple to find what works best for them.
As a singular enjoyment...again it all comes down to where it fits into your life. If it's the only way you can enjoy yourself, you've got a problem. If you spend more time doing it than going out and meeting actual people, you've got a problem.
As for my religious beliefs...they really don't pertain to my sexual proclivities. I don't pray before sex. I don't have a multitude of sex partners. And I need no other person or deities permission or approval (besides my partner (before I engage in whatever activity turns me on.
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 7:39 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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sail_dancer
Posts: 10,205
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Nice to see you posting again Cold !
Great post ! 
Peace
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 8:55 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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yashaenka
Posts: 10,289
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What is porn to one person is pleasure to another.
Just who do we turn to that will rank porn that is a very slippery slope.
This sort of thinking cracks me up due to ridiculous laws. It is against the law to commit suicide oh yeah just who is going to prosecute you? 
Do any of you remember when mens magazine had to cover a womens nipples! In some states it is against the law to breast feed in public oh that is porn?
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 9:48 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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iam01
Posts: 7,556
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Read through the studies I've presented on the page before this one for your answers, CPU. And no, I don't think these "tirades" are from countless researchers and scientists own personal "hangups," from their own untreated "traumas." No, that was my quote, not CPUs. I was referring to your tirades, not any researcher or scientist. My fault. I wasn't clear enough. I will repost the same exact post again.
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Never got an answer for this.
SL posted
Regardless of its limitations and the directions of future research, the current study demonstrates clearly that the world depicted in the content of adult videos contains substantial amounts of aggression, numerous indications of degrading depictions of women, and a high occurrence of sexual acts in which most adults in the “real world” may not prefer to engage.
So what sexual acts is SL referring to? So how does it degrade a woman for a man to give her an orgasm or for her to give him an orgasm? Is spitting and swallowing too degrading? Anal? Doggie? 69? Fellatio? Cunnilingus? Threesomes? Toys? Well???
Aren't these tirades really about one's own personal hangups from their own personal untreated traumas and now, as an adult, are incapable of certain pleasures in life that leaves them sexually dysfunctional?
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:04 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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yashaenka
Posts: 10,289
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This sort of thinking cracks me up due to ridiculous laws. It is against the law to commit suicide oh yeah just who is going to prosecute you? Then too many states have or have had laws against Sodomy and I always wondered are there Sodomy inspectors in your bedrooms?  
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:52 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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There are many responses to one's partner viewing pornography. Unfortunately, the majority of responses are from those partners whose mate is hiding their usage and lying about it. We'll look at some of the thoughts of those who are living with mates who are spending much of their time surfing porn in secret. When the lies are discovered and the sheer amount of time spent viewing porn comes out, marriages often fall apart. Many wives feel hurt, betrayed, deceived, not good enough, feel as if they must compete with an image on the screen or in a magazine, etc. Some wives decide to get even with what they perceive of as a "cheating" partner.
Marriage and Pornography
Allan N. Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.
I read, with some dismay, the many responses that wives have written to us about their reactions to discovering their husbands' watching Internet pornography. What is dismaying is not what they are discovering but the amount of hurt and anger they experience in reaction to this. In no way do I support husbands or anyone watching pornography. In fact, I agree that it demeans women and exposes children who use the Internet to inappropriate materials. What I do want to emphasize is the importance of husbands and wives opening a dialogue about the issue so that some type of compromise or solution can be found.
Reactions of some wives:
1. Some of the wives write that they are so angered by the discovery of their husband watching pornography that they want to exact some type of revenge in order to "show them how it feels." One woman wrote that she thought of dressing in ways that are sexy and alluring to draw the attention of other men and make her husband jealous.
2. Other wives have written that they feel so betrayed by their husband's activities on the Internet that they are considering divorce.
3. There are those women who describe the fact that their husbands' are enraged and unsympathetic when they are discovered.
4. A vast majority of women report that they are hurt because they doubt that their husbands' love them or find them attractive.
5. Some of these put ogling of pornography in the same category as adultery.
Why do Married Men View Pornography?
Frankly, it is unclear why many men are drawn to pornographic materials when they have willing and available wives. In fact, the wives, in writing in to Mental Help Net insist that they are available. One woman even reports that, after having sex with her u husband finds him going to the Internet to view these sexually explicit sites. Why?
There are probably as many reasons for this as their are men but here are a few possibilities:
1. For some husbands, the viewing of pornography has a "peeping Tom" quality to it. This means that they find passive viewing, even with masturbation, safer than fully revealing their secret sexual fantasies to their wives.'
2. Other men may be caught in a type of obsessive-compulsive type of sexual activity. For these people, sex is a type of addiction, much like a drug, alcohol or gambling addiction. We know that viewing Internet pornography can become addictive.
3. A deep sense of insecurity and sense of shame may keep some men attached to Internet sexual material. For these men, it is safer to be sexual alone than with a woman, even if that woman is their wife.
4. Several men, in the context of psychotherapy, reported to me that they fear disapproval if their wives knew the types of sexual thoughts and fantasies they have. For these men, these thoughts and fantasies can be "safely gratified" on the anonymous Internet.
5. The old "Whore-Maddona Complex" causes some husbands to keep their sexual thoughts secret. For these, there is a lot of self disapproval about their thoughts and fantasies because they view their wives as mothers and as "pure" women. Therefore, frank sexual thinking and feeling is too disapproving when directed towards their wives.
6. For other women, pornography is just another example of men exploiting and demeaning women.
Regardless of what motivates some husbands to view sexually explicit materials on the Internet, their appears to be something that forces them to keep this activity a secret from their wives. Once the secret is uncovered a lot of pain and anguish occurs as a result of wives feeling hurt and alienated. Too many husbands seem to have difficulty understanding this phenomenon.
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=28837&cn=10
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:58 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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Wives commentary:
Scares the hell out of me - - May 28th 2008
I walk around sick to my stomach all the time now. It's not just looking at the porn and the money spent to do so, it's the memberships to "singles" websites...on-line flings where you can see live videos and interact by chatting. He doesn't see this as cheating, but he knows I do. I am so sick of this, but I am scared as hell if I continue to bring up the issue, he is going to walk out. This shouldn't bother me in the grand scheme of things, but other than this stuff, he is absolutely wonderful.
Confused - Olive - Apr 27th 2009
I've been w/ my husband almost 19 years and 2 weeks ago I would have said confidently that my husband doesn't look at porn. However, I recently discovered the trend of sexting and my husband receives and sends photos of naked women amoung his set. I was shocked and disappointed. We've discussed it openly since. After finding the photos I was somewhat hurt, confused, feel a little betrayed and felt dirty. I kept wondering about the times we were intimate, if he visualized those women or if that's secretly what he wants. I told him I have no problem leaving the marriage if he feels I am no longer "enough" for him or if I feel like I have to compete w/ those women. We have 4 amazing children and although we are busy w/ our careers, children and family obligations I thought he was happy w/ me. I take care of myself, exercise regularly, run 10 miles a week, watch what I eat, doll myself up, buy sexy lingerie and am always open to new experiences. I'm just baffled. I enjoy looking good and although I tell myself I have done what I can to keep my husband happy, he still resorted to these women. I don't have big breasts, I have stretch marks and my stomach has a little pouch regardless of how many crunches I do, yet I have a slight athletic build. I know my husband loves me and our children. He told me it's a "guy" thing and I don't agree w/ that. I think a man chooses to look at porn. I've always been happy w/ my husband, regardless of the come-on's I get, some men flirt and I've been propositioned a time or two but I've always been faithful, and I've never felt the need to look at porn. Now, I wonder, "what else does my husband dabble in?" I never questioned his faithfulness but I wonder now. I don't know who to ask for advice, or what to think now.
When the cats away the mice will play - - Apr 14th 2009
Porn unravels a marriage. My husband travels and I always noticed that he would have semen in his under wear....but only when he came back from out of town. Turns out he has had a porn addiction for over 30 years. I haven't been married to him that long. He finally admitted it and said he would renounce this. Who knows if he really will, but I can say that it has almost destroyed our marriage. When I make love, I wonder which porn star I am for the night. You wonder if he has carried this to a prostitution level. Does he view porn on his office computer? He has ruined his other marriages over this. When I am with him, he ogles other women in front of me. I hate this. It is so demeaning to me. Pornography objectifies women and yet this guy has 3 young daughters. How sad. Porn is so insidious to any relationship and one thing leads to another. I'm sure that there is the visiting of titty bars, an hour hear and there for prostitution etc,etc. You really never know what you have....but I think these guys are hooked for good, need more and more stimulation, and they really are living their personal hell because a good relationship never comes from filth. I could do so much for him but I don't any more. He isn't worth it. If he changes that would be great, I will forgive...Continue and he'll be an unhappy man.
Locks - - Mar 29th 2009
I agree, locking the computer only makes it easier for him to hide whatever it is he feels he needs to keep private. Of course he's claiming that it's because he thinks someone is trying to monitor or hack into his computer. Me, particularly, and me having to swear to God that it's not me. That was very hurtful, but a clever tactic on his end, putting me on the defensive, and giving him a reason to lock his computer. Not only does he lock his computer now, but he always, always, shuts it down when he walks away from it. To give him his privacy I've agreed to never ever touch his computer. I've separated my personal files from his, now we don't even share a file cabinet. So, yes, what does this say for our relationship?? I know it's something we need to talk about, but now, everytime we talk, it turns very ugly. This relationship has brought out an ugly side of me I never even knew I had, and was never displayed in ANY of my past relationship. Granted, I did periodically checked the internet sites, checked the temp files and history to see if he was viewing porn. But it was also my way of ensuring that he was keeping his word. Then after time has passed, and I found no evidence of porn, I would eventually relax and think...ok, we're on the right track, he's keeping his promise, and I would stop looking. Then, something would happen, like me coming home early one day and then finding him quickly leaving the computer room acting very strange and guilty, and bam!
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:02 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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continued from above:
Sure enough, he didn't even have time to clear history, it was all there. So, 2 steps forward 10 steps back, the trust factor is now back to 0. And, he how about this??? He is angry at me for coming home early to "catch" him. How ludicrous is that! He's angry that I check the computer. He's angry that I "look" for things. If I don't look then I won't find anything to be upset about. Maybe he's right. He claims that he understands that it has hurt me, and that he's sorry that it has hurt me. He does not believe that it is wrong. Once he said that he would stop because he didn't want to lose me. So, you're right, his attempt to stop was for me, not because he thought it was wrong or disrespectful to me or our relationship. He also has an "ignorance is bliss" or "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" attitude and if he gets caught, man he'll throw everything at me, so before you know it, we're arguing about everything else under the sun, and of course it's my fault. Sorry, I'm just venting right now. I guess this is where therapy comes in????
Tortured Brad - - Mar 25th 2009
I'm sorry, but I had a very passionate and loving sex life with my partner. In fact, he is the one who taught me to enjoy my sexuality and brought me out of my shell. I couldn't get enough of him, or he of me. What happened???? Now, we're probably in a viscous circle. He got caught with porn, I can't stand to have him touch me, so now he views porn even more, and I can't stand to have him touch me more! Now we live in a pretense. He claims he doesn't anymore, which even if I did believe him, it's too late. Damage to the relationship has been done.
slowly destroying our relationship - - Mar 25th 2009
I made major changes in my life and a lot of sacrafices to be with the love of my life only to discover this issue with porn. We've had many many heated discussions and arguments over this issue which contrary to his thinking that this should in no way affect our relationship and the way he feels about me, it HAS. Unfortunately to the point I don't think I can fully recover. It's been a slow kill and I can honestly say that this has greatly affected how I feel about him. Oh, I still try. I try to cuddle and we have many good days, but it's very hard to be loving or to make love or have sex. In fact, we barely make love anymore. Now, there always suspicions, paranoia, mistrusts. It really has taken the love out of our sails. I don't know how to get it back and even scarier or sadder, I don't know if I want to. This has become the core of our many problems and we've become very ugly, nasty and disrespectul to each other. How do you recover from something like this?
Even Unmarried Couples Suffer from This - DontUnderstandY - Mar 11th 2009
I m in a 16 year relationship with my partner, we raised two daughters together, we have a 16 year old female in the household. I accidentally found the porn on my partners computer while updating the software and cleaning off the system, per their request for them. At first I was confused that maybe it was because of the casino sites they go to that have the porn ads on them. Then when I noticed the time of day and the amount of sites left in the Temporary file folder on the computer I became concerned. See it is not just adult sites they are visiting, it is also teen porn sites. I m 26 years younger than my partner and am not shy about wanting sex , being naked or lack the ability to give and I find it very disturbing that this person has resorted to looking at online sex. I want sex, have even asked for it, but am told by my partner that they are getting older and grumpier and hell,"he does not seem interested in me" anymore. So I m looking to either confront my partner (not wanting to embarrase them) but to find out what is going on, why can't we be intimate, I m up for change in the bedroom and or positions. Why is on-line porn their answer to what they are not getting??
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:04 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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iam01
Posts: 7,556
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And you dont consider all the C&P a tirade? You do exactly what Bev used to do. Are you Bev?
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:13 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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hurt and betrayed wife - - Apr 30th 2008
I have been married to a porn addict for over 30 years but have only recently realised that it is a true addiction .My husband has lied ,become abusive and continues to be secretive ,he thinks its my problem ,I am jealouse ,insecure and according to him mad.One of the worst aspects of living with a porn addict is the emotional void Iam experiencing and the complete lack of trust Ihave in him .Cann he really have given up porn as he claims or has he got a secret stash somewhere that I dont know about yet.H e has become almost prudish when I am around eg averts his eyes when a semi clad female is on tv ,wont watch pop videos etc , but what does he do when he,s alone
hurtful - - Apr 7th 2008
It is hurtful when you are told how this is the heaviest you have ever been and then he hides in the other room ogling at younger women who have time to take care of themselves. If I didn't have to work a fulltime job to help pay for all his toys and golf with his buddies, I would have time to exercise and look good. Our anniversary is no longer important to him. I don't know why I am still here, except for the kids. I can be miserable a lone.
I discovered my husbands secret 6 times. - Angela - Mar 29th 2008
I kept telling him that I don't care if he watches it nor do I expect an update. What I won't tolerate is him keeping secrets, lying to me, and most of all treating me like crap in order to keep me away from wherever he has it hidden at the time. I want an open and honest relationship, and if he can't provide that right now then I will leave. I will still be his wife, and when he is ready to provide me with the kind of relationship I require than he can come get me so that I can return home to be by his side where I belong.
Just Married for the 2nd time - Terri - Sep 29th 2009
I am a 48 year old second-time bride. My new husband and I have four teenage children together. We have been married for less than two weeks. I am a counselor by training, so I understand the potential for addicition with regard to pornography like any other mind-altering escape. First, a little history... I met my husband while I was recently dianosed with Breast cancer. He was a gem during my entire process. I healed and was a candidate for reconstruction. Sexuality to my surprise was not a problem and he accepted me openly despite the scarring. After a year of dating I noticed that I was the one who was initating the love-making more frequently than him. I discussed this with him, but we never fully resolved the problem. Time with our children and other needs took precedence as with planning for our wedding.
Imagine my surprise when I came home for a late lunch yesterday (one week after our wedding) and I caught him viewinig porn on the internet. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what has happened. I know this doesn't have as much to do with me as it does him, but it is impacting us in a big way. I don't even want to view the wedding pictures right now because I can't put this in perspective quuite yet. I know he doesn't view this as big of a deal as me. He didn't dismiss his actions or get defensive, but I'm certain he would want me to forget about this and move on!
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:18 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 19,336
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IAM, I'm sure she's not Bev...Bev would be defending the porn, not attacking it.
But SL - what's the point of the C&P's? Frankly I have trouble even understanding them...and would probably suggest couples counseling for all of them. Nobody can get an accurate understanding of a situation based on a couple of sentences from someone who's only giving you a tiny glimpse of the situation, and only from her perspective. It's pointless even posting them.
I don't argue that porn has no impact on a number of people, but I do question whether it might not even be the lesser of the possible evils that could be taking place. Self-esteem is at the root of most addictions, and I speak from experience on this one - do NOT EVER get involved with someone who doesn't have a healthy sense of self. It can be a lot worse than dealing with his addiction to porn. If you think you can 'fix' them, think again. If you think that controlling porn is going to help anything, I'd have to strongly disagree. It's not the porn that's the problem, it's something within the people who 'need' it - just as it's not drugs, or alcohol, or gambling or prostitution. If you don't understand and address the root cause you're spinning your wheels. Finding a problem's root cause and setting up preventive processes is part of my job, but it's a lot easier with computers than people.
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:23 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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Unfortunately, some are estimating that seventy percent of men are engaging in internet porn. According to the women who have expressed themselves above, Heaven, these women aren't being given an option of choosing a mate who has a problem or not. These men are hiding their porn habits from their mates when they enter the marriage.
Porn is a problem for a number of marriages and is contributing to the divorce rate in America. Lying and betraying one's partner destroys trust in a relationship. This is occurring all over the country and women are marrying men who have issues and these women don't discover the issues until well after marrying or becoming involved with their partner.
The point to posting these various responses from the wives and partners of men hiding their porn usage is to show that there is a problem, that the problem is ocurring all over the country, and that even Christian men and women who are claiming to be followers of Jesus Christ, are deceiving their marital partners about pornography.
I also think it's very important that we realize what a partner feels when she discovers she is being deceived, and how exactly marriages and relationships are being impacted by porn.
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:30 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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iam01
Posts: 7,556
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IAM, I'm sure she's not Bev...Bev would be defending the porn, not attacking it. Bev actually,....... well never mind... 
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:38 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality
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iam01
Posts: 7,556
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Porn is a problem for a number of marriages and is contributing to the divorce rate in America. Lying and betraying one's partner destroys trust in a relationship. This is occurring all over the country and women are marrying men who have issues and these women don't discover the issues until well after marrying or becoming involved with their partner. Christians are the most sexually hung up group in the nation. No wonder porn is out of control with people why are sexually dysfunctional. We have one loon who had a hallucination and became sexually dysfunctional over it. Over 25 years later and he still hasn't gotten laid. Big problem. Of course, part of that may be because temporal lobe epilepsy does that too but its all related to religion. I would guess a few others here haven't had sex in almost as many years. 5, 10,15 years...
The reason why religious people have sexual problems is .......... religion....What else can they turn to but prostitutes and porn? The women turn to toys. Bev made that clear. However, sex toys in certain Bible belt states are illegal to own. Yup, look that up. I think Texas is one of them. I guess then they can only turn to cucumbers and squash.
[Edited on 10/23/2009 11:44 AM]
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| Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:42 AM |
Pornography and religion/spirituality |
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southernlass
Posts: 2,969
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But I don't have a problem, nobody's getting hurt!
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