| Nov 19, 2008 @ 9:02 PM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Haban3ro
Posts: 1,197
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For Immediate Release:
Santa Barbara, CA. 11/19/08
The nation's economic crisis has claimed another victim.
It was reported today that Orange County, CA-based Bank of Dad has been forced to suspend new lending operations. The move was forseen by analysts in light of the recent acquisition of the Bank's funding partner by a multi-national megacorp, resulting in large reductions in force. The bank was notified today that its services would no longer be required.
Bank of Dad, a privately-held institution, is a lender of last resort to a small but very select group of customers. Haban3ro, President and General Manager, noted that several projects which had been driving income to the bank were winding down, and that new revenue sources had not yet been secured.
"We're aggressively pursuing several new funding opportunities, such as other insurers, software development companies, and call-center operations which are a natural match for our services. However, without an immediate source of additional funds, our lending operation must be curtailed for the time being."
Bank of Dad is applying for a cash infusion from State agencies. "At best, they will allow us to keep our doors open, and to meet our existing commitments to those who rely on us," Haban3ro stated. "For the short-term, however, we are unable to guarantee that new loan applications will be met with the same prompt service our customers have come to expect."
Cash reserves are reported to be sufficient to carry the enterprise through the end of 2008.
"The Holiday season is upon us, and we hope to be able to meet customer expectations and stimulate the economy in our own small way. We would appreciate if our customers placed their orders with us as soon as possible, so that we can project the needed cash outflow and manage our resources wisely."
Bank of Dad sources denied that poor investments or excessive management compensation played a role in the Bank's decline.
"Hey, even Warren Buffet's company has lost 47% of its value in recent years. Our investment portfolio has tracked right along with his," noted Haban3ro. "There is NO truth to the rumor that we were involved in any Nigerian banking schemes.
"Has anyone checked the lottery results yet today? Nothing... Again?
"We've had exactly one off-site meeting this year, and that was to a shareholders meeting in Fresno in March. Nobody flew in on a private jet. Heck, we brought our own food!"
Unnamed sources confirmed that the staff cafeteria has been featuring menus heavy in rice and bean dishes, with chicken meals --once a staple -- becoming less common. Haban3ro noted, however, that expenditures for air freshener had been higher than budgeted.
Officials also indicated a willingness to consider unconventional sources of cash.
"We're willing to do whatever it takes to get back into the lending game. We're surveying convenience stores in our market area to identify potential funding sources if worst comes to worst", Haban3ro commented. "On advice of counsel, we're also considering a possible relocation to more economical locations, such as Costa Mesa or Costa Rica, I can't remember which."
Bank of Dad asks its customers to be patient, to pray, and to continue to submit loan applications. "We can't do all that we used to be able to do. We probably can't help with a new car loan, but if somebody needs rent money, or a new kidney, we will do all that we can."
Our reporter asked Bank of Dad officials whether they would seek repayments from customers on outstanding loans.
"What!? Are you nuts!? The name on the door is 'Bank of Dad', not Wells freaking Fargo!" General Manager Haban3ro responded heatedly. "We're a not-for-profit institution, and we'll remain so until our dying day."
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| Nov 19, 2008 @ 9:19 PM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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copsmomof2
Posts: 293
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FINALLY................. something entertaining regarding banks!!
Thanks!!! That is great!
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| Nov 19, 2008 @ 9:25 PM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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KatiefromStafford
Posts: 2,750
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I am torn between laughing because that is so well done, and thinking I should be worried bout you two.   
Hope things will be ok.. 
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| Nov 19, 2008 @ 9:52 PM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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copsmomof2
Posts: 293
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Oh go ahead and laugh - it's more fun than worrien anyhow! Enough of that to go around - I think the break from the serious is sort of fun.
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| Nov 19, 2008 @ 11:31 PM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Haban3ro
Posts: 1,197
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Go ahead and laugh, Katie. I needed something to lighten my mood.
Now I won't have to be getting up to join conference calls with the East Coast team at 5:00 am , nor stay up half the night to join conference calls with the developers in Mumbai.
I'm getting thrown out of better quality companies all the time... 
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| Nov 19, 2008 @ 11:34 PM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
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thanks Haben... these days we all need a laugh 
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| Nov 19, 2008 @ 11:35 PM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Haban3ro
Posts: 1,197
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I'm still not sure I can make it as a comedy writer, though.
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 12:20 AM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Well, I personally think he should write a half hour comedy show for Fox.
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 2:16 AM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,649
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are you just in it for the money??? 
btw..that was a joke...... 
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 11:00 AM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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Haban3ro
Posts: 1,197
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You might say I'm just trying to spread the wealth around, in a free-market kind of way.
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 11:06 AM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,649
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 it was funny..so this does not fit.....
you always get what you paid for....
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 11:23 AM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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I love it! 
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 6:17 PM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Haban3ro
Posts: 1,197
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It wasn't easy writing an article about a bank failure that didn't blame anybody in the government. See, it CAN be done!
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 6:29 PM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,606
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Hey, that was great, even if it's bittersweet 'gallows humor'...
Wanna pool resources and join my commune, opening soon in a desert near you?
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 6:36 PM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Sounds like a splendid idea Heaven!!!
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| Nov 20, 2008 @ 6:53 PM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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Haban3ro
Posts: 1,197
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Wanna pool resources and join my commune, opening soon in a desert near you? Kinda like GM & Chrysler, don't you think? Neither outfit can make it on their own, so they want to join up and then they'll have LOTS of money.
Would you consider locating the commune in So Cal? We wouldn't have to sink so much cash into air conditioning.
And there's LOTS of Kwik-E-Marts for cash infusions.
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| Nov 21, 2008 @ 11:12 AM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,606
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I don't think my SO would budge, he's a Cancer and doesn't like moving...you're right about the AC though. One of my retirement projects is going to be learning how to go solar (after I build my electric car).
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| Nov 21, 2008 @ 11:18 AM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,649
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why build when you can buy???
http://www.nwgolfcarts.com/streetlegalcarts.html
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| Nov 21, 2008 @ 11:27 AM |
Another lender bites the dust!
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,606
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Because that one's limited to 35MPH and not really street legal. The one I'm planning on building IS street legal at 50MPH max, and can be built for about 300 bucks, costing about a penny a mile to run. Once I retire, my expected income will be about a quarter of its current size, but I'll have time to learn about stuff like how an electric car works and such like things...I'm kind of burned out with dealing with work type crises, but I know I'm going to miss the mental challenges - I'm planning on trying to keep my brain functional as long as I can!
(Sorry, off topic!)
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| Nov 21, 2008 @ 11:38 AM |
Another lender bites the dust! |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,649
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I am interested!!
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