| Mar 10 @ 5:03 PM |
More humor for you.
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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Since many of you never seem to leave this thread, I decided to take upon myself to deliver it. Some of the best jokes have a hint of truth. And this is no exception.
Stimulus Payment Info.
"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India .
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
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| Mar 10 @ 5:08 PM |
More humor for you. |
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robodad
Posts: 7,823
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Some of the best jokes have a hint of truth. Could you at least posted your best jokes? 
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| Mar 10 @ 5:24 PM |
More humor for you.
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onoudn
Posts: 6,354
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why don't you post jokes in the jokes and humor section where they belong
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| Mar 10 @ 5:39 PM |
More humor for you. |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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Both jokes were in the joke forum, but you would never know that, because you never get enough of this place. 
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| Mar 10 @ 5:46 PM |
More humor for you.
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onoudn
Posts: 6,354
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10927 posts compared to 6265, who is the one that can't get enough of this place ?
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| Mar 10 @ 5:56 PM |
More humor for you. |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,613
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Total non sequitur but I got this one from one of my Belgian colleagues this morning:
It appears that upper management has studied and is imitating Roman history; a shame they haven't found the 'lessons learned' scroll!
"We trained very hard but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn, later in life, that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress whilst producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization."
~~Gaius Petronius, Roman Centurion (AD 66)
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| Mar 10 @ 5:58 PM |
More humor for you.
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SweetNapaGuy
Posts: 8,501
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Considering this was originally posted in the jokes forum, why is it being cross-posted here?
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| Mar 10 @ 6:01 PM |
More humor for you. |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,613
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SNG, because he didn't want us to miss it... 
I posted mine by the way, because it's so typical of how business handles crisis, which I thought might be appropriate as so many of our members are experiencing the fallout from their inability to dazzle with brilliance so instead they baffle with BS.
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| Mar 10 @ 7:01 PM |
More humor for you.
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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10927 posts compared to 6265, who is the one that can't get enough of this place ?
O, just so you know, I probably don't have 500 posts arguing with anybody, let alone negitive ones.
I was referring to the poli threads, not number of posts. 
I personally enjoy the laughter, much more than the pissing contests, and out of almost 11,000  posts, I can only think of a handful of times I asked the mods to take a look at any thread, let alone one I was posting in.
But, carry on.......... 
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| Mar 10 @ 7:09 PM |
More humor for you. |
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onoudn
Posts: 6,354
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but you would never know that, because you never get enough of this place
You don't think this is a negative comment ?
And the times that you've asked the mods to "take a look at a thread", it's ok, cause you felt it was needed. I suspect that there were more times than you are willing to admit and you forgot about them, just like you did the nasty comment you just made.
You claim you don't like to argue, but you started an arguement over this thread, when I just asked you a question. You didn't jump all over the other person that asked you essentially the same thing. Certain threads belong in the jokes and humor section, and if you like laughing so much I would think you would put them there, so you can indulge yourself.
Oh and BTW I don't need your permission or approval to be in a forum, or anywhere else on this site.
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| Mar 10 @ 7:40 PM |
More humor for you.
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KAOS2007
Posts: 8,201
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| Mar 10 @ 7:48 PM |
More humor for you. |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,905
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Considering this was originally posted in the jokes forum, why is it being cross-posted here?
Considering that some people fail to actually read the thread theyre commenting on..heres some help with your question...
Since many of you never seem to leave this thread, I decided to take upon myself to deliver it. Some of the best jokes have a hint of truth. And this is no exception.
Your welcome 
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| Mar 10 @ 8:15 PM |
More humor for you.
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SweetNapaGuy
Posts: 8,501
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So it's okay if people post General Discussion threads in Religion & Spirituality?
How about the Sex threads in the Parenting or TV/Movies forum?
There's a reason for all the different forums...
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| Mar 10 @ 8:37 PM |
More humor for you. |
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onoudn
Posts: 6,354
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There's a reason for all the different forums...
context.....it's makes a lot of difference from what context a thread is offered. As it stands now it's difficult to know whether this topic is to be taken seriously, or if it's a joke...jmo
But I do agree that there is truth in every joke. Some comedians will tell you that the funniest jokes are the ones that have the most truth to them.
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| Mar 10 @ 8:53 PM |
More humor for you.
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SweetNapaGuy
Posts: 8,501
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So how about this joke:
"Q: How many neo-cons does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"A: None. Let the lightbulb change itself."
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| Mar 12 @ 1:12 PM |
More humor for you. |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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A PROPOSED POLITICAL DIVORCE AGREEMENT
"THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM."
Dear, American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you."
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| Mar 12 @ 8:15 PM |
More humor for you.
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sealacamp
Posts: 3,681
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why don't you post jokes in the jokes and humor section where they belong
Because it is a politically relevant joke that is not funny. If you weren't so busy being a thick headed racist who is minding others business while spinning wildly out of control you might have picked up on that.
Oh and BTW I don't need your permission or approval to be in a forum, or anywhere else on this site.
Nor do you need anyone's permission to behave like a reasonable and rational person. But that would not really matter since you have yet to demonstrate that you have that ability anyway. So permission is irrelevant in your case.
S
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| Mar 18 @ 5:40 PM |
More humor for you. |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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Jesus and the Democrat
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant
one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The
Republican
looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over
there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that
she
give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress
for a
cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is
that
Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her
to
give
Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on
crutches.
He
hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey!
How's
about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light?" He, too, looked across
the
restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress
once
more
nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of
beer.
"On
my bill," he said.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and
said,
"For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican
felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig
out
the
door.
Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening
up,
and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back
flips
out
the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat
jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me... I'm collecting disability
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| Mar 18 @ 5:54 PM |
More humor for you.
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pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
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Re: the subject headline, "More humor for you," is false advertising against forum rules?
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| Mar 18 @ 6:00 PM |
More humor for you. |
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arieann
Posts: 2,078
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Sam and Joe are identical twin adult alligators.
Sam---Joe, We are identical twins. Why are you so big and strong and I am small and weak.
Joe---I dont know. what do you eat?
Sam--I eat politicians. I hide under cars at the capital building. When a politician walks by, I grab them, shake the shet out of them, then eat them.
Joe--- Well, thats the problem. You are not getting enough nourishment. All politicians are full of shet. Once you shake the shet out of them, there is nothing left but a suit.
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