| Jan 26 @ 9:48 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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When someone you care very much about knowingly does something that is quickly killing them, do you offer your heart or kick them in the butt?
I'm torn. My mother, who was diagnosed with inoperable, fourth stage, metastasized lung cancer about five or six years ago -but has been in remission since a year after that diagnosis, still smokes.
She can barely breathe and is now having panic attacks over the smallest things.
She finds reasons to cancel doctor appointments, but has little to discuss other than all her aches and pains. No matter what is suggested to help her, she argues it, denies it, or outright refuses.
I sit here shaking my head as I write this, because we are supposed to go to the doctor's tomorrow afternoon and she just called me to say she doesn't think she can make it. She's afraid she'll have another panic attack. She wants me to leave my nine year old daughter alone and go down there at nine thirty at night to comfort her. This time, I do what I can over the phone, but she begins to cry. No matter how many times I say "it's going to be all right", she worries.
I understand she is lonely. I understand she is sick. I understand she is my mother, even though she didn't really raise me. I also understand that she wants to give up on life, but is too afraid to actually follow through.
I am afraid for my mother. I hurt for her, but I don't know how to help her.
Does anyone have experience or knowledge in dealing with panic attacks? Talking her through them works when I am there, or available to go there, but what about when I am not?
 
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| Jan 26 @ 9:53 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Oh, Em....I feel for you. 
Tell her she MUST go to get meds that will calm her, and that you will spend time with her when your daughter is in school...
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| Jan 26 @ 10:00 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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What meds are used for panic attacks? She is already on an anti-depressant.
I thought perhaps these attacks might be from using anti-smoking patches and then taking them off so she could have a cigarette... then putting it back on again. I think I finally got it through to her not to wear them as long as she is still smoking.
Lori, I put my things aside today to be with her for almost three hours this afternoon, but it doesn't seem to ever be enough. And I'm worried on that score as well, cause I'm not going to be here much longer. Our visa is almost through, and then what will she do?
I want to throw my hands up and walk away, but yet it rips my heart wide open at the same time.
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| Jan 26 @ 10:34 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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Xanax or Valium. 
Her panic attacks could be triggered by her smoking. She knows she shouldnt be doing it, and is afraid of what the consequences are. She doesnt voice that fear because she is so addicted to the nicotine, so the fear grows inside her.
Its hard to do, but there comes a time when you must treat your parents like one of your children. Make her do what is best for her. Show up and accept no excuses for missing her Dr appointment.
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| Jan 26 @ 11:02 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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You are correct, it is hard to do and it is something I find myself doing more and more. She doesn't like it one little bit. She used to be a strong, independent woman, and she is now frail, dependent, and close to death's door if she doesn't smarten up quickly.
One of the hardest parts for me, is seeing through what she is doing... she seeks sympathy, and when she does not get it, she tries harder. Her aches and pains and symptoms become worse.
Please understand that at first we were all sympathetic. For the first time in the history of my family we all gathered around her in support. But that feeling doesn't last when you have to watch a loved one fade before you and they do nothing to help themselves.....and I mean nothing! To the contrary, it almost appears that she does everything to harm herself......except that I have difficulty accepting that anyone would consiously want to do this.
The other day I went to have a coffee with her. When I arrived, she was upright, alert, and seemed okay. About ten minutes later, I looked over at her and it hit me that she looked dejected. I commented on it, and she made an attempt to alter her posture and attitude, but it's the same every time.
Especially when the topic of me moving away comes up.
 I wonder if it's my moving away that causes these attacks? She has voiced a fear of "what am I going to do when you move?"
Edited to add:
She was on lorazepam and diazapam before, but she put burn holes in everything she owns because she would doze off with a cigarette in her hand. Literally everything she owned. She has an oxygen tank in her apartment, and my brother and I were frantic. Finally, she went off the "pams", and hasn't had that particular problem since, but just the thought of valium frightens me.
[Edited on 1/26/2009 11:09 PM]
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| Jan 27 @ 8:24 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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Valium isnt the problem, nor is dozing off. Its the constant smoking.
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| Jan 27 @ 9:34 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
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Actually, my mother was much the same, except with drinking. She also used the 'guilt' method of manipulation. My sons were about the same age as your daughter, and in fact I was about the same age you are now. I'd moved back in with her when she developed cancer, and regretted it badly when she started scaring the crap out of them while I was at work (working midnights in those days). They'd call me at work and tell me how scared they were at how she was acting - waking them up at 3 in the morning and insisting that they help her clean house was one that sticks in my mind. I finally told her that I wasn't going to let her do to them what she'd done to me, and if she didn't stop drinking, we were out of there and she was on her own. Best move I ever made - she never had another drink. The cancer had already metastasized and she died three years later, but those three years were some of the happiest times we'd ever spent together, and my sons have some positive memories of their grandma.
I'm happy to hear about the visa    but you really do have to live your life as she does hers. She's made her choices and continues to make them - I suspect that the panic attacks will lessen once she doesn't have you around as a crutch to lean on and she has to face up to the unpleasant results of her choices...right now, like it or not, you're enabling her. Been there, done that, feel for you more than you know, but the bottom line is the more you help her, the more you hurt her.
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| Jan 27 @ 9:38 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Correct.
She was in the hospital for a couple months, which is one of the reasons I am back here in Toronto, and had managed to be smoke free for 55 days. Christmas came and as stressful as it is in this family, it was a great excuse to begin smoking again.
Anyway, I found and printed off some information and self help techniques for her last night, and I'll be speaking with the doctor this afternoon.
Thank you for listening. 
Edited:...Heaven you snuck in there.....lol.
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| Jan 27 @ 9:53 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Thanks Heaven.
It helps that I'm not the only one that sees it. I wasn't aware of my enabling her, but I do think I have something to do with her backtracking.
Some of the other tenants in this building apparently think I am a terrible daughter because I don't mollycoddle her. Obviously, they don't know how much 'tough love' hurts.
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| Feb 14 @ 9:16 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
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People who suffer from panic attacks are NOT doing so in order to manipulate others. Now, not saying that there aren't people who might fake having panic attacks in order to do that, but true sufferers of panic attacks have very real medical problems.
Empath, have you ever had a situation (like an asthma attack, bronchitis or anything else) in which you were barely able to breathe? Where every breath you took was a struggle for you? Ever experienced "air hunger" where, no matter how much air you tried to take in, it wasn't enough to get a "cleansing breath?" Imagine the dizziness and imbalance that goes along with that. That experience alone can cause debilitating panic attacks. She's been diagnosed with cancer. That is enough to cause anyone enough stress to cause not only panic attacks, but full-blown panic disorder.
She's been diagnosed with fourth-stage metastisized lung cancer. That means chances are good she'll not recover from it. She is, understandably, scared out of her wits. You can't talk someone out of a panic attack. Sometimes it takes years of therapy (either by an outside provider or via self-help avenues) to find relief, and some people never do, even with that.
I personally don't advocate becoming a zombie via the use of antianxiety meds, but in some cases, that's the better alternative ...at least for the short term.
If her panic is caused by her inability to breathe, then the mental stress that puts on her can cause even more panic, and then it becomes cyclical. She would probably benefit from psychiatric counseling, as well as speaking to her M.D. about meds that might help make her breathe easier. Of course, smoking doesn't help a bit. But I'm sure she knows that already.
To figure out what you can do is difficult; depends on what she'll respond to best. But do offer your heart and maybe kick her in the butt at the same time. She's afraid she'll have a panic attack, and she may very well have one. But she'll get through it.
Ask her to do this: have her get ready to go to the doctor and get in the car, drive as far as she can, go in the door...I mean...go as far as she can go before she starts feeling panicky. If she can't even get dressed for the appointment, then tell her that's fine...try again later. Next time, see if you can make it one step further and one step further, until you're able to do it without feeling panicky. Painstaking process, but it's one that works for some people.
Best of luck to you, and sorry you and your mom are having to deal with this. It's certainly not an easy situation any way you look at it.
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| Mar 24 @ 9:00 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Yes, she was diagnosed with metastasized lung cancer, but she's been in remission for over five years.... she's a walking miracle! If only she would allow herself to see the positive.
As for the panic attacks, I DO talk her through them. I'm skeptical that they are actually panic attacks, but I do not mean to lessen the anxiety she feels in the midst of one. An inability to take in sufficient oxygen could cause similar feelings to a panic attack, I am sure, and that is what I believe she is experiencing.
Quiting smoking is a matter of life and death for her at this moment in time. Literally.
As for the manipulative part.... you'd have to know my mother to understand.
For the appointments, and leaving the house, we do take that one step at a time. It is easier for her to make it to a craft class than a doctor's appointment, but fear does have a way of immobilizing a person.
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| Mar 24 @ 9:35 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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What meds are used for panic attacks?
klonopin is often used, Em. This is also an anti-seizure medication.
The problem with panic attacks is that once your brain "learns" how to do them,
you're at their mercy until you break the cycle. Even including having them
in your sleep. If you don't let your stress out, it comes out on it's own
unfortunately. And panic attacks often are a precursor to agoroaphobia.
Its hard to do, but there comes a time when you must treat your parents like one of your children. LJ is right, unfortunately. My sisters and I dealt with nearly the same issues with both parents. Bringing them to the hospital, at the end, them taking their oxygen off, b/c eventually, they can't process the biproducts and get a little loopy and sometimes, combative.
Quiting smoking is a matter of life and death for her at this moment in time. Literally.
Unfortunately, by the time it's a matter of life and death, death is only a matter of time. But you can't tell a smoker...and you only wish you could bring them to the lung unit at the hospital before it's too late for them. Scare them out of smoking, and let them see what they're in for.
(((((Sending postive thoughts, Em.))))) 
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| Mar 24 @ 11:00 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,645
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Lorazepam
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Lorazepam
Systematic (IUPAC) name
9-chloro-6-(2-chlorophenyl)-4-hydroxy-
2,5-diazabicyclo[5.4.0]undeca-
5,8,10,12-tetraen-3-one
Identifiers
CAS number 846-49-1
ATC code N05BA06
PubChem 3958
DrugBank APRD00116
ChemSpider 3821
Chemical data
Formula C15H10Cl2N2O2
Mol. mass 321.2 g/mol
Pharmacokinetic data
Bioavailability 85% of oral dose
Metabolism Hepatic glucuronidation
Half life 9–16 hours[1][2][3]
Excretion Renal
Therapeutic considerations
Pregnancy cat. D(US)
Legal status Schedule IV(CA) Schedule IV(US)
Routes Oral, I.M., I.V. and transdermal
Lorazepam, initially marketed under the brand names Ativan and Temesta, is a benzodiazepine drug with short to medium duration of action. It has all five intrinsic benzodiazepine effects: anxiolytic, amnesic, sedative/hypnotic, anticonvulsant and muscle relaxant.[4] It is a powerful anxiolytic and since its introduction in 1971, lorazepam's principal use has been in treating the symptom of anxiety. It is a unique benzodiazepine insofar as it has also found use as an adjunct antiemetic in chemotherapy. Among benzodiazepines, lorazepam has a relatively high addictive potential.[5]
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| Mar 24 @ 5:53 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Lorazepam pretty much makes a zombie out of her....even at 2mg.... and the last time they were prescribed for her, (I forget the reason now), she almost burned the building down.
She told me the doc prescribed them again, and my heart rate doubled.... as soon as it started beating again.
Thanks, Gallows.
I can definitely see how these attacks lead to agorophobia. Who would want to be 'out and about' in the midst of such an attack? Certainly not me. Just the thought of going out brings it on, making it harder and harder to make it out the door.
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| Mar 24 @ 6:57 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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Just the thought of going out brings it on
And the thought of another panic attack is just that terrifying.
Often, people feel as though they're dying and although they
try to rationalize, they just can't.
I know...I used to be one of these people when I was in my 30's.
If she will, help her nip it in the bud. They can be debilitating.
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| Mar 25 @ 6:31 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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If she will And therein lies the thorn. She is not one to search for silver linings, rather is overwrought by the dark clouds.
The attacks stopped for almost a month, and have now returned. My departure date is a week away, and right now that is her biggest cloud.
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| Mar 30 @ 11:44 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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mystery2u888
Posts: 18,025
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| Apr 5 @ 7:46 PM |
Panic Attacks.....help? |
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oceanlover734
Posts: 207
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I just read this.........all of it. First I am so sorry for all you are going through as well as your mom. I use to have panic attacks and they started sudenly out of no where. I can not begin to explain how horrible it felt. I was scared and thought I was going crazy. When I felt it come on I'd panic more and I would literally vomit. This was several years ago and it took me a good year to get a handle on it. I was terrified to be alone or in crowds. I only wanted the people I was closest to around me. Anyways what helped me was knowledge. I read and read on ways to deal with them. I stayed away from anything that was depressing etc.... There was a family member that gave me some Ativan and over that year if it was really bad I'd take a tiny piece of one. I think I took a total of 5 in that year. I'm not good at meds. What finally helped me the most was realizing when one started it would end and it would end much quicker if I DID NOT fight it. When you fight an attack it seems to get worse. I learned to just flow with it and accept it happening and lo and behold they eased up. It took practice but honestly I haven't had one in years. I wish I could remember the book that helped me so much.
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| Apr 6 @ 11:30 AM |
Panic Attacks.....help?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Thank you.
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